Snarky Brides
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Re: .

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    You kind of answered your own question at the beginning of the post with:  "usually all the replies are telling her that her reasons aren't good enough to take her MOH out of the picture."
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    So... you acknowledge that you know how we'll respond then tell us that you picked your MOH for the wrong reason.  Do you expect a different answer from those you have seen?
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    AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2010
    You have a friendship problem, not a MOH problem.
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    That's a pretty tough situation but...

    Have you sat down and talked to her about it? Have you let her know that you'd like to spend more time with her? Maybe suggest a lunch? I wouldn't suggest dropping her from being your MOH for one thing because it's just rude and secondly you live together. I would think it would cause a very uncomfortable living situation.
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    allisong23allisong23 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2010
    You break it, you buy it. If you get rid of her, your friendship is going to be permanently damaged, which will be very uncomfortable if you are living together.

    I would sit down with her and try to air out your differences. If that doesn't work, hopefully she may step aside on her own.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:65f7c6ee-5a86-408b-81c0-a67148fa70be">I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have read several stories on here on how brides want to change their MOH;s and <strong>usually all the replies are telling her that her reasons aren't good enough to take her MOH out of the picture</strong>. So my situation is.... I have 6 BM's and all of them I have known for 8 of more years. I have known my MOH for about 2 1/2 years.  I chose my MOH over the other girls because I was closer with my MOH at the time then i was to the other girls for a variety of reasons. So i picked who I was closest to right then. We both transered to the same college and hit it off. (or what i thought) We are two totally opposite people therefore we butt heads alot. But anywho... we began living together and we were awsome friends. And seeing how we would be living together the next year (as in now), i figured we would become better friends. Well that didn't happen. She started dating an idiot of a guy and bascially i was putting more into the friendship then she was. We declared it was because of communication issues. and we said we would fix that. Well It is months later and I barely talk to her. And we live 3 feet apart. She says its because shes busy and works, but she spends all her free time with her idiot of a guy (who doesnt like me) and even lies about going over there (for what reason I do not know)  So basically I do not feel close to her at all. (and we have tried fixing it) I had another choice for my MOH, but she lives far away, so i picked the more sensible choice. But I feel i picked the wrong one. I don't talk to my MOH much besides a hello or how was the weekend. And i cant see my MOH, best friend, being someone so distant (when we live 3 feet apart) being my main girl at my side on my big day. ANy feedback please? Should I replace her with the other girl or just suck it up?
    Posted by MrsH8611[/QUOTE]

    <div>Okay... your reasons are that your MOH is too busy to hang out, and you don't like her boyfriend. Do those sound like good reasons to end a friendship?</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:65f7c6ee-5a86-408b-81c0-a67148fa70be">I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have read several stories on here on how brides want to change their MOH;s and usually all the replies are telling her that her reasons aren't good enough to take her MOH out of the picture. So my situation is.... I have 6 BM's and all of them I have known for 8 of more years. I have known my MOH for about 2 1/2 years.  I chose my MOH over the other girls because I was closer with my MOH at the time then i was to the other girls for a variety of reasons. So i picked who I was closest to right then. We both transered to the same college and hit it off. (or what i thought) We are two totally opposite people therefore we butt heads alot. But anywho... we began living together and we were awsome friends. And seeing how we would be living together the next year (as in now), i figured we would become better friends. Well that didn't happen. She started dating an idiot of a guy and bascially i was putting more into the friendship then she was. We declared it was because of communication issues. and we said we would fix that. Well It is months later and I barely talk to her. And we live 3 feet apart. She says its because shes busy and works, but she spends all her free time with her idiot of a guy (who doesnt like me) <strong>and even lies about going over there (for what reason I do not know)</strong>  So basically I do not feel close to her at all. (and we have tried fixing it) I had another choice for my MOH, but she lives far away, so i picked the more sensible choice. But I feel i picked the wrong one. I don't talk to my MOH much besides a hello or how was the weekend. And i cant see my MOH, best friend, being someone so distant (when we live 3 feet apart) being my main girl at my side on my big day. ANy feedback please? Should I replace her with the other girl or just suck it up?
    Posted by MrsH8611[/QUOTE]

    Uh...probably because you keep calling him an idiot and I'm guessing she knows you don't like him and she doesn't want your judge-y comments about it.

    It honestly doesn't sound like you guys have a friendship worth saving.  You don't have to keep her in the wedding party if you're prepared to potentially end the (rocky at best) friendship anyway, and you're prepared for problems in your living situation.

    But don't replace her.  That's cheap for the "replacement". Just don't have a MOH.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    Maybe her boyfriend doesnt like you because he knows you are judgemental and think hes an idiot??
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    Firing her is a friendship and roomate ending move.  Do you really think that if you say "hey, I don't want you to be my MOH anymore" it's going to make living '3 feet' from her any easier?  You should suck it up.

    Work on your friendship in a non-wedding-related way.  If she decides not to be your MOH then don't pressure her.  But if she's sticking it out then so should you. 


    The only time I've seen this question asked when the reason was "good enough" to dismiss a MOH involved the FI and the MOH (who was the bride's identical twin sister) and a singular bed after a night of drinking.  I'm still not sure that one wasn't MUD.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:5c53236e-e6ae-449f-80e4-11af24323c69">Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]well usually the reasons are stupid like,,, "she doesnt like my dress", or my future husband.. etc. Mine is a little more in depth. SO i was hoping for better feedback. <strong>ya. thanks</strong>
    Posted by MrsH8611[/QUOTE]
     
    Ya, you're welcome.
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    Well, maybe she lies about going over there because you blatantly hate on her boyfriend.  And maybe he doesn't like you because you call him an "idiot of a guy".  I probably wouldn't be too keen on you either. 

    And what exactly makes her the more "sensible" choice.  First you said it was because she was closest to you friendwise, then it was because she was literally the closest to you.  MOHs are not old lady shoes.  They don't need to be picked because they're the most "sensible".  Srsly.
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    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

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    Oh dear. Ok look, you can kick the MOH out of the WP if you are ready to end the friendship. But just know that you'll probably look like a jerk because you kicked someone out (it's a little bridezilla).

    But you should really just suck it up. And if you do decide to demote her or kick her out of the BP, don't ask another girl to be MOH. It will seem like "Oh you weren't good enough to be my MOH originally, but since the other MOH is a dillhole, I want you to be my new MOH."
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:5c53236e-e6ae-449f-80e4-11af24323c69">Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]well usually the reasons are stupid like,,, "she doesnt like my dress", or my future husband.. etc. Mine is a little more in depth. SO i was hoping for better feedback. ya. thanks
    Posted by MrsH8611[/QUOTE]

    Well, if you were calling my BF an idiot, why would I want to be friends with you? Did you ever think you may be part of the problem?
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    If you don't care about the friendship, go ahead and kick her out. Frankly, it doesn't sound like she's all that interested in maintaining it, so personally, I'd just drop her. It will be awkward with her living with you though. 

    Also, I'm not sure why the other girl you wanted for your MOH being far away makes her the less sensible choice. My best friend and MOH is going to be 1300 miles away, there's still no one else I'd pick for it. You really shouldn't need someone to be your wedding gerbil 24/7.
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    The only good reasons for firing a bridesmaid are sleeping with the groom and/or premeditated bodily harm.

    Does the situation suck?  Yup.  Has she tried to do any of those two things?  Nope.

    Unfortunately, the only thing that will happen if you kick her out will be this conversation:

    Random friend: Oh!  H is getting married, isn't that great?
    Ex-MOH: Yeah,  She kicked me out of the wedding.
    Random friend: WHY??
    Ex-MOH: I have no idea.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:65f7c6ee-5a86-408b-81c0-a67148fa70be">I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have read several stories on here on how brides want to change their MOH;s and usually all the replies are telling her that her reasons aren't good enough to take her MOH out of the picture. So my situation is.... I have 6 BM's and all of them I have known for 8 of more years. I have known my MOH for about 2 1/2 years.  I chose my MOH over the other girls because I was closer with my MOH at the time then i was to the other girls for a variety of reasons. So i picked who I was closest to right then. We both transered to the same college and hit it off. (or what i thought) We are two totally opposite people therefore we butt heads alot. But anywho... we began living together and we were awsome friends. And seeing how we would be living together the next year (as in now), i figured we would become better friends. Well that didn't happen. She started dating an idiot of a guy and bascially i was putting more into the friendship then she was. We declared it was because of communication issues. and we said we would fix that. Well It is months later and I barely talk to her. And we live 3 feet apart. She says its because shes busy and works, but she spends all her free time with her idiot of a guy (who doesnt like me) and even lies about going over there (for what reason I do not know)  So basically I do not feel close to her at all. (and we have tried fixing it)<strong>I had another choice for my MOH, but she lives far away, so i picked the more sensible choice</strong>. But I feel i picked the wrong one. I don't talk to my MOH much besides a hello or how was the weekend. And i cant see my MOH, best friend, being someone so distant (when we live 3 feet apart) being my main girl at my side on my big day. ANy feedback please? Should I replace her with the other girl or just suck it up?
    Posted by MrsH8611[/QUOTE]

    What do you mean by the more "sensible choice"?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:5c53236e-e6ae-449f-80e4-11af24323c69">Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]well usually the reasons are stupid like,,, "she doesnt like my dress", or my future husband.. etc. Mine is a little more in depth. SO i was hoping for better feedback. ya. thanks
    Posted by MrsH8611[/QUOTE]

    "I don't like her boyfriend" is better than "she doesn't like my dress"?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:38e90626-ec03-445e-ba9e-1b909b93130a">Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's a pretty tough situation but... <strong>Have you sat down and talked to her about it? Have you let her know that you'd like to spend more time with her? Maybe suggest a lunch?</strong> I wouldn't suggest dropping her from being your MOH for one thing because it's just rude and secondly you live together. I would think it would cause a very uncomfortable living situation.
    Posted by LessThanZero[/QUOTE]

    It SOUNDS like she's tried that.  But judging from some of her comments, it wouldn't surprise me if the conversation went like this: "I hate that you spend all your time with that asshole."  "uummm....he's not an asshole...." and then off they went their separate ways again.

    So if you want to try to save the friendship, you can, but leave your opinions about her boyfriend out of it.  If you're done with it, which I gathered you were, resulting in the advice in my original response, then be done with it, but prepare for the fallout.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    You know your reason is basically the exact same as about 54, 687 other stories that are "totally unique"? 

    It's a sucky stituation, but you shouldn't ever replace a bridesmaid or MOH.  If you want to end your friendship with this girl (which sounds like it would be tricky since you live 3 feet away from her) then fine, kick her out.  This is just what often happens when people choose "the sensible" choice instead of the person they are actually closest to.  As of right now, try your best to be a friend.  When you go shopping for dresses, invite her, and if she can't go, make sure to pass along the information.  If your friendship doesn't get fixed, she may end up just not getting a dress and taking herself out of the party. 

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:528cd8df-c636-44fe-b07d-1c7afe874c7a">Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, maybe she lies about going over there because you blatantly hate on her boyfriend.  And maybe he doesn't like you because you call him an "idiot of a guy".  I probably wouldn't be too keen on you either.  And what exactly makes her the more "sensible" choice.  First you said it was because she was closest to you friendwise, then it was because she was literally the closest to you.  <strong>MOHs are not old lady shoes. </strong> They don't need to be picked because they're the most "sensible".  Srsly.
    Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

    I swear, you have a gem in every post lately. 
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    You picked a girl because she was convenient.  You knew you guys butted heads.  What did you expect?

    If she's a friend worth keeping though, I'd keep trying to engage her in conversation, go out to dinner, etc.  If you're both in school and working to pay the bills though- that comes first to (most) people.  So she might not have a lot of time until a break comes up. 

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:3a8601fe-f8cb-405c-ab4e-20b5d90f9605">Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know your reason is basically the exact same as about 54, 687 other stories that are "totally unique"? 
    Posted by saxy414[/QUOTE]

    ::stomps foot::  No, Saxy.  It's special.  It's a special snowflake, dammit!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:c48662e0-88a0-4d12-be04-dd5592f025aa">Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you don't care about the friendship, go ahead and kick her out. Frankly, it doesn't sound like she's all that interested in maintaining it, so personally, I'd just drop her. It will be awkward with her living with you though.  Also, I'm not sure why the other girl you wanted for your MOH being far away makes her the less sensible choice. My best friend and MOH is going to be 1300 miles away, there's still no one else I'd pick for it. You really shouldn't need someone to be your <strong>wedding gerbil</strong> 24/7.
    Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

    OMFG please somebody make t-shirts that say that for their BMs to wear around.  Please.
    image

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

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    Just FYI, sometimes living together helps your friendship, sometimes it hurts it, and sometimes it does nothing at all. My best friend became one of my best friends when I moved in with some girls, including her, I didn't know very well. I was abroad the next year and our senior year we moved in together again. Our senior year we were very busy so we didn't hang out much, but I still love her and she's still one of my best friends. We didn't hang out as much because as seniors we just had less time than we did as sophomores, I had nothing against her. Now we've graduated, but we still live in the same town, so I see even less of her, but now I just appreciate more the times I do see her.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:a580772d-c40d-4534-92e4-bc70ad209a57">Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma??? : <strong> It SOUNDS like she's tried that.</strong>  But judging from some of her comments, it wouldn't surprise me if the conversation went like this: "I hate that you spend all your time with that asshole."  "uummm....he's not an asshole...." and then off they went their separate ways again. So if you want to try to save the friendship, you can, but leave your opinions about her boyfriend out of it.  If you're done with it, which I gathered you were, resulting in the advice in my original response, then be done with it, but prepare for the fallout.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    You're nicer than me because frankly I didn't give her the benefit of the doubt on that. : )

    I think the other girl and her just grew apart and the chick started hanging with her IDIOT boyfriend a lot and now the OP is pissed about it. But who knows?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:3d27c321-ea6e-4d72-bf6d-ad3aeac2d13f">Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma??? : ::stomps foot::  No, Saxy.  It's special.  It's a special snowflake, dammit!
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    Aw, crap.  I'm sorry, then. 

    And seriously...
    <em>well usually the reasons are stupid like,,, "she doesnt like my dress", or my future husband.. etc. Mine is a little more in depth. SO i was hoping for better feedback. ya.</em>

    Your reason is not more in depth.  Go check out the Wedding Party board; I bet you could find 10 posts just like this on the first page.  With responses all like this.
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    So basically you mother hen your friend and are annoyed she doesnt do what you tell her to do? got it.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:5c53236e-e6ae-449f-80e4-11af24323c69">Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]well usually the reasons are stupid like,,, "she doesnt like my dress", or my future husband.. etc. <strong>Mine is a little more in depth</strong>. SO i was hoping for better feedback. ya. Posted by MrsH8611[/QUOTE]

    Ya, it's not.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:30b34a36-4b2e-49c2-9de8-920b96f87ddf">Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]wowwow hahah well see if yall wouldnt have judged it from the get-go you would have known  that my comment of the idiot thing has merit. He has cheated on her 4 times and yet I am here for her eveyrtimes. and regardless of the adivce, she goes back to him so my bad calling him an idiot :)
    Posted by MrsH8611[/QUOTE]

    That's not the point.  The point is if you were my friend, and I loved this guy, even if he was being an idiot and I was being an idiot too, I still don't want to be friends with someone that hates my boyfriend and calls him names.  Even if he IS an idiot. 

    Also?  Relevent backstory belongs in the OP.  If you would have said "Her boyfriend who is constantly cheating on her and being a diick to her" it probably owuld have been more well received than you continuously calling him "her idiot man" and us not knowing why. 

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_really-need-yall-this-one-please-moh-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:eeccfb52-6cb1-4774-b689-c2f8e74e78d1Post:30b34a36-4b2e-49c2-9de8-920b96f87ddf">Re: I really need yall on this one please... MOH dilemma???</a>:
    [QUOTE]wowwow hahah well see if yall wouldnt have judged it from the get-go you would have known  that my comment of the idiot thing has merit. He has cheated on her 4 times and yet I am here for her eveyrtimes. and regardless of the adivce, she goes back to him so my bad calling him an idiot :)
    Posted by MrsH8611[/QUOTE]

    This really grinds my gears.

    When OP comes back with info that was not mention in the OP to justify what they said.
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