No clue how to work this

M&R7111

*I noticed this got a little long, see last paragraph for summary*

OHwhynot's post got me thinking again about money issues, which suck.
I have no clue how to handle FI's and my money once we get married, or right now.  FI doesn't seem to be very interested in discussing this, so when the topic does come up, I want to have a "we should do this and that" speech ready.  If any married people or people who have done this before can give advice, that would be awesome!

Situation:  Currently, we are living together and have separate checking and saving accounts.  I moved into FI's house (now "our" house, but not really in my mind).  FI has all the bills in his name, and he pays them.  I write him a check each month for a standard amount (kind of like rent).  I don't like this situation, but conversations that I start about what to do with our money always just die out.  I bring it up, and he just goes "well, one day we will go to the bank and make a shared account"  Then nothing happens.  I think its because both FI and I have no clue what to do, and also FI seems to be just fine keeping everything separate and me writing a check to him to cover my half of the bills each month (I HATE this).

However, I'm much more "domestic" than he is.  If left alone, FI would eat oatmeal 3x a day and never go food shopping.  So I do most of the food shopping, and it comes out of my bank account.  Also, the house is/was a bachelor pad in MUCH MUCH MUCH need of repair (like the kitchen sink ONLY had the hot water spout working - so I replaced the sink).  "We" have been doing repairs, but since I'm not working (teacher) this summer, I've been the one to buy supplies and materials, once again, out of my bank account.

Sorry, I just realized how freaking long this got.  Basic question:   Does anyone have advice on what "steps" to take to merge our money so that shared expenses are shared, but allow us to have our own bank accounts for our own personal spending (FI really wants this)?  How did you start the convo. with your SO?  How did it go?  Any tips for someone having to talk to a guy who's fine with the way things are? (From past experience, what works best with him is for me to go in with a "we are going to do this" plan.  Then he modifies it with his input and we put it in action.  But I need to know what "we are going to do" first.)  So what works?

PetraStonegirl

I'll admit, I only read your summary paragraph. But given that, you do it exactly the way you worded your question. Let him know you need to spend some time together regarding household finances. Then at that time, let him know that you need his help setting up a financial scheme where there is a central checking and savings for household expenses and retirement. Then he has his own checking and savings, and so do you. Then write a monthly budget which dictates how much goes to household account and in what proportion checking and savings, and how much goes to him and how much goes to you for personal expenditures. From the sounds of it, he'll give his input freely and you will successfully build a plan together.

The biggest thing is to decide what proportion of your income you must (with no excuses) put aside for household expenses and concrete savings such as an emergency fund and retirement. The left overs can then be split for personal accounts.

ETA: It might not be a bad idea, after reading your whole post, to contact a financial planner to help the two of you accomplish it. You don't have to keep them on retainer, it can be a one time expense, which you can choose to repeat at certain intervals in the future. But do set aside an entire day, scheduled to include trips to the bank/banks you use to open/modify the accounts.

PharmacyBride

FI and I talked about shared savings shared checking and separate of each.  "X%" of each paycheck will go into the joint.. the rest for ourselves.  Shared checking for bills and everyday shared expenses.  Shared savings for vacations and big purchases (like upgrading the kitchen).

Personal money for personal items from clothing to movie tickets to going out money.  Actual percentages will be based on how much our daily shared expenses are.

My mom (before internet banking) hated using the shared checking because she would want to buy groceries and would worry my dad was currently writing a check to the utilities.  They do it where my dad pays bills and my mom pays every day expenses (from groceries to house supplies to school supplies).  It worked for them.  Just another way to do it.

Don't be afraid to try one method and change after a few months!

M&R7111

Thanks for that advice.  Now that I think of it, I believe my uncle works in finance.  I will see if he can sit down with us and work something out.

Can I add something to this?

FI was laid off two years ago and has been working semi-part time type jobs (getting hired full time is not happening for him , but fingers crossed!).  For instance, he works for the park service now and gets a steady pay-check, but it is seasonal and will end in October.  Then he will probably start up sub teaching and tutoring at a learning center again unless fulltime happens somewhere (I hope!).    Then the size of his paycheck will depend on how many hours a week he gets.

PharmacyBride -  you and your FI agreed that X% goes into joint account.  Should FI just put that same % from whatever paycheck he is getting, even though paychecks each month will vary due to his employment situation?   This variation in his income has been his reasoning not to do a joint account with a monthly budget - because on his side, we don't have a definite monthly amount.

redheadfsu

Just start talking about options that work for you.

For us, I just said  let's open a joint account (checking & saving) & we keep our current independent accounts. Then have the joint bills come out of that joint account. Every paycheck, we both deposit some money into the joint. You guys can put they same amount or do percents (% depending on your salary).

Edit: If his paycheck varies then you need to sit down and figure out what he can put in. You could say out of every paycheck you put % of it in the joint. You will just need to keep an eye on the amount in & amount out more frequently than people with consistent paychecks.

katiewhompus

We just put everything in a joint account. Before we got married we had separate, but I still did all the bill paying. I would just look at what bills needed to be paid and the amount of money in each account and chose accordingly.

I think putting a percentage of your checks into the bank each month for bills would probably work best, then have separate checkings for fun stuff.

crys-crys

My FI have had seperate and joint accounts since we met. We tallied up our joint monthly bills and then divided that in 2 so we each put in 1/2 of what we need to cover the rent, utilities, cable and food. I get paid weekly so I pay my part in 4 installments. He gets paid twice a month so he puts in his half in 2 installments.

Now that we have a joint wedding fund, this is how we are handling that as well.

The rest of my money stays in my own account and the rest of his money stays in his.