Engagement Parties

dewingedpixie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_engagement-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:49662623-673b-45ec-a12f-c934116b0af4Post:aa66bdf8-c212-4f49-8133-ffc8537711f9">Re: Engagement Parties</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Parties : I am not being immature and *hoping* to through you under a what? *Bridge*? No. I am trying to help your guests not feel left out. Sorry. TK is a place for honest answers, not always answers you want to hear.
Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

This

dewingedpixie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_engagement-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:49662623-673b-45ec-a12f-c934116b0af4Post:04e28b27-b941-4cb2-bb45-8a64ad7661ed">Re: Engagement Parties</a>:
[QUOTE]Stina I get what you're saying. But it's the internet I don't have to settle for your answer if you're willing to discuss it. It's immature that you are hopeing to throw me under a barage of nit picky types that would love to tell me 500 reasons why their way is right instead of how everyone's different takes, circles of friends, and motivations could lead to a beautiful event. All for the sake of feeling right and justified. <a href="http://thebridesguide.marthastewartweddings.com/2011/07/etiquette-can-you-host-your-own-engagement-party.html" rel="nofollow">http://thebridesguide.marthastewartweddings.com/2011/07/etiquette-can-you-host-your-own-engagement-party.html</a> This article discribes your idea's of the Engagment Party and the comments that follow my ideas. No one defends the article... why?
Posted by GoldenCityDreamer[/QUOTE]


Why, because its rude! That is why! Just because its on the internet and modern does not mean its correct.

So instead of calling us rude, calling us names, etc for following social protocol and being polite society maybe you should consider there are more people supporting our argument than yours which means there is probably some weight behind it. Its not about feeling right or justified its called etiquette and proper behavior in society. Maybe you weren't brought up with that, maybe you think you're so modern you are above that, maybe you are a rebel it doesn't matter what you're planning is RUDE and against proper etiquette.

Stina51286

Plusalso, if you really want people to support you 100% on all of your ideas, go to weddingbee. They like ideas like yours http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/can-you-throw-your-own-engagement-party

GoldenCityDreamer

Thank you Stina for clarifying your argument

& Dewingedpixie... the only "name" I called you guys was traditional and bride. Sorry if that offended you. And to me "because that's the way it is" is a very weak argument no matter how many people say it. If you're that fired up about the discussion to a point that you're explanation is "that's why!" you can opt out of having it...

I was just asking out of curiosity of what other briedes of different backgrounds think. I was always going to ask my family and friends and get their ideas and make my decisison based on them (real people) verse you all (internet repliers) lol. I'm sure that goes with the rest of the questions posted here.

GoldenCityDreamer

Stina, if people agreed with me 100% all of the time then there would be no point to raise questions. Thank you though.

dewingedpixie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_engagement-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:49662623-673b-45ec-a12f-c934116b0af4Post:2884d54a-7462-4672-ad6a-08e2ff97b7ce">Re: Engagement Parties</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you Stina for clarifying your argument & Dewingedpixie... the only "name" I called you guys was traditional and bride. Sorry if that offended you. And to me "because that's the way it is" is a very weak argument no matter how many people say it. If you're that fired up about the discussion to a point that you're explanation is "that's why!" you can opt out of having it... [/QUOTE]

No I quit repeating my argument as to why because you did not read the other 4 posts, I prefer to not be a broken record. So please get off the high horse now because no one looks awesome on the miniature pony at the petting zoo. You asked for our thoughts and we gave them. We gave you the history, the tradition, refereed you to etiquette. You continued to tell us you for some reason were modern and that your family was ok with this decision despite us telling you inviting guests to one party and not another is rude. You already made your decision so why did you ask, especially if you knew from reading these boards that the knot is very etiquette driven. If you had already made up your mind then why would you poke others with a stick?

GoldenCityDreamer

My coworkers and I are having a hoot with this since Page 2 started that is true.

If the knot is as "tradition and etiquate driven," as you suggest Stina would be a traditional bride keeping true to the "what's supposed to be" of tradition. (I mention you stina because you two agree with each other, not to offend) and the first link I posted was from the Knot... 
 
I just wanted to know why and It was blown up completely out of the water. Which is hilarious to me that it's that big of a deal to someone to be that fired up about traditions when people pick and choose the  tradtions they keep to all the time at weddings. 

I could tell Stina, that people at weddings want wedding cake. She may even ask one day why people thing they are entitled to cake at weddings. (Again Stina refereing to you because you agree with her and have volunteered non-traditional information while upholding traditional).

It turned to me wanting to see if given situations and ideas if people opposed to it could agree that it was permissable. So maybe "poking with a stick" but I saw it more as a curiosity venture.

libby18bell

When it comes to being a traditional bride or non-traditional bride, I for instance am probably a mix of everything since what's more important to me is personal touches.  That it's not a generic, but that it reflects us as a couple.  What I think the ladies are trying to get across is when inviting people.  I completely understand wanting a small family only reception etc., but engagement parties are semi thought of like showers.  You bring a gift and you are either celebrating the couple, engagement party, or celebrating the bride, bridal shower.  Either way the party is in honor of someone, a couple or an individual.  The wedding is a way of not only celebrating your formal commitment, i.e., the state recognizes it, but as a way of thanking your guests for coming to celebrate with you, which is why you provide food etc.  The pickle here is that you are inviting people to the early things and not the big show.  I hope this makes sense.  It has nothing to do with who hosts the party; it has to do with inviting people.  Put the engagement party in the similar scenario as the bridal shower, you definitely shouldn't invite people to the shower who are not also invited to the wedding, that's in very bad taste and it makes your guests feel like you are just hitting them up for a gift.

 

If the whole party of your engagement party is to introduce people to each other etc. then just throw a party.  Take away the label completely.

 

Also on a side note, the ladies on this group are extremely nice and Stina for one has been incredibly helpful by setting up various discussions and get to know you boards.  By stating blatantly that you and your co workers are amused by the comments and laughing at the discussion is just rude in general.  I'm all for being modern, but when did being polite and nice become a negative aspect.

Stina51286

I never once mentioned traditions and that TK being driven by traditions so technically I am left out of that conversation. I mentioned ETIQUETTE.

1. You do not need to invite every body on God's green earth that you know. There are some people I would LOVE to invite to our wedding but we set ourselves a limit. Does that mean they are still invited to the shower and bachelorette/bachelor parties? NO. Its rude. If you cannot afford to invite them to your wedding, do not invite them to pre-wedding events.  

2. You asked if it was "okay" in your original post. We gave you responses. You didn't give a damn what we said, so why ask it here?

I am also glad your co-workers got a good laugh out of this, because frankly, so did I. It actually made my morning zip by a lot faster!

GoldenCityDreamer

I love the advice I just don't like the attitude that it's never okay ever. So yes I preyed to find out from the opposed posters to see if it would ever be okay but their mind is well made up that Engagment parties are one size fits all period.
What I was trying to find out was the point of "may be in this or that situation I can understand breaking tradition" or something but it just never reached that point.

This board only became a specticle to my coworkers when it turned from Here's some advice have a nice day take it if you want leave it if you will  to you can't do that! My website says so and your website is wrong (same website, the knot), ect. Posters seemed excessively invested in makeing sure everyone knew that their idea is the only one that would ever work and so upset about me saying no there's got to be different advice. Kindled by the tag teaming I'm sure. There's no reason to tag team when someone just disagrees with you or get angry at someone not keeping to rules of etiquett that you still value.

I was expecting maybe four people dropping off some advice to be reflected an additional question and additional answer. I turned into not advice but a lecture of my way is the right way every other way is wrong how could you be so crule to your guests by not following etiquette rules practiced for hundreds of years!

Silliness.

Stina51286

Seriously!? Are you on drugs or something? We never tag teamed up with each other. I've been on TK long enough to see this question arise in many other boards. I post on several boards on here. Why the heck do you think I said go to the etiquette board?

And when it turned to the wrong way is when you mentioned that you were inviting more people to the engagement party than you planned the wedding because you cant afford to invite them all to the wedding. THAT is where it went a different direction. So all of us saying that is wrong, are all of us teaming up on you too?

missglinda14

Wow. So this happened while I was away from the board.

I know I'm late to the game here, but etiquette has nothing to do with tradition. It has to do with properly hosting your guests. And etiquette states that you cannot host your own engagement party, bridal shower, or bach party because they are parties thrown in your honor. You cannot throw a party in which you are the guests being honored. It's rude. If no one offers to host one, then you don't get one. I'm not getting an engagement party and I could care less. Your family and friends may not care about you hosting your own pre wedding parties, OR because they are loved ones, they won't say it's rude to your face because they don't want to hurt your feelings.

Etiquette also states that anyone invited to any prewedding parties must be invited to the wedding because to do otherwise would be rude. That is what etiquette is for, to prevent us from being rude to our guests. I seriously recommend lurking on the etiquette board, I have learned so much in just a few months.

Also, take articles on TK with a grain of salt. TK doesn't care all that much about etiquette because then they wouldn't make as much money off of you. They are a part of the wedding industry after all. Go to other boards and listen to what other brides have to say. They will make sure you take proper care of your guests and are still friends with all of them after the wedding!

And this is just a side note, not necessarily for OP, but this is why I have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest. While I have found some awesome ideas on there, it also seems to be filled with things that are against etiquette like hosting your own prewedding parties and how to ask for/raise money at your own wedding and brides all over are just pinning these things like crazy and hailing them as awesome ideas. They are not. Your guests will side eye you if you do such things.