Help/rant...

texie1203

This is a rant post/needing advice....

I have asked my BFF several times for her opinions about this or that.  Her response to me is, 'Whatever you like'.  I value her opinion that's why I asked her for help in the first place.  I am not close to very many people, plus I don't want ten thousand different opinions.  With my mom her opinion is given weather or not you want it. 

On Sat I asked my BFF what her price range was & she told me that it was up to me & my FI.  I asked her why style dress she liked, short sleeve, spaghetti strap, strapless, short, long, and all I got was it was up to the bride (me).  I totally understand that I get final say so, but I wanted to know what her preferences were when shopping for dresses.  I don't want something that is going to look hedious on her!  I am not a fashion person what so ever!  I'm a jeans & baggy T-shirt kinda girl.  I had asked her opinion cuz she is wheelechair bound & don't want the possibility of a dress getting all caught up in her chair.

I just don't know what to do about her.  My FI has told me that he will talk to her, but I don't want him to do that.  I am stressing about little details here & there.  I know that I shouldn't since I still have 13 months to go, but that's just my nature.... I stress over one detail & once I know that part I move on to the next.

My other rant happens to be with my mother.....

I have told her time & again that this wedding is going to be a simple affair, on the business casual side.  My mom insists on my dad wearing either a suit or a sports coat.  Mom is going to wear a dress.  I have told her that she will be fine in either a pant suit or some slacks & a nice blouse.  Heck my FI isn't wearing a suit or a sports coat.  He is going to be in black jeans, a white dress shirt, boots, belt, & cowboy hat (the western look) which is what I want...  When we went dress shopping last week & was asked what type of wedding it was going to be mom popped off before I had a chase to say ANYTHING she said Semi Formal.  Oh this made me so MAD!  It's like she didn't care what we had already decided, she has made up her mind how she wanted it from the second that we said we were getting married.  She paid for the last one in full & this time she is only contributing a small monetary amount, which is totally helpful.  I just feel like she is trying to run the show as she always does.  This irritates me & when I get upset I end up looking like the bad guy.  I just don't know what to do....  I think that my mom likes to make it look like she is better than everyone else, idk..

Oh mom also told me that she thinks since it's a wedding that FI needs to be in either a suit or a coat & I should wear white so that I look like a bride.  This is mine & his second wedding.

Thanks for letting me rant..

Any ideas, help, suggestions, are more than welcome!

~G.

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_helprant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:c1c4dbab-f65c-4d76-a590-bd2dcb5e855fPost:263f32cb-f702-4410-853a-a3fd8ee4d33b">Help/rant...</a>:
[QUOTE]This is a rant post/needing advice.... I have asked my BFF several times for her opinions about this or that.  Her response to me is, 'Whatever you like'.  I value her opinion that's why I asked her for help in the first place.  I am not close to very many people, plus I don't want ten thousand different opinions.  With my mom her opinion is given weather or not you want it.  On Sat I asked my BFF what her price range was & she told me that it was up to me & my FI.  I asked her why style dress she liked, short sleeve, spaghetti strap, strapless, short, long, and all I got was it was up to the bride (me).  I totally understand that I get final say so, but I wanted to know what her preferences were when shopping for dresses.  I don't want something that is going to look hedious on her!  I am not a fashion person what so ever!  I'm a jeans & baggy T-shirt kinda girl.  I had asked her opinion cuz she is wheelechair bound & don't want the possibility of a dress getting all caught up in her chair. I just don't know what to do about her.  My FI has told me that he will talk to her, but I don't want him to do that.  I am stressing about little details here & there.  I know that I shouldn't since I still have 13 months to go, but that's just my nature.... I stress over one detail & once I know that part I move on to the next. My other rant happens to be with my mother..... I have told her time & again that this wedding is going to be a simple affair, on the business casual side.  My mom insists on my dad wearing either a suit or a sports coat.  Mom is going to wear a dress.  I have told her that she will be fine in either a pant suit or some slacks & a nice blouse.  Heck my FI isn't wearing a suit or a sports coat.  He is going to be in black jeans, a white dress shirt, boots, belt, & cowboy hat (the western look) which is what I want...  When we went dress shopping last week & was asked what type of wedding it was going to be mom popped off before I had a chase to say ANYTHING she said Semi Formal.  Oh this made me so MAD!  It's like she didn't care what we had already decided, she has made up her mind how she wanted it from the second that we said we were getting married.  She paid for the last one in full & this time she is only contributing a small monetary amount, which is totally helpful.  I just feel like she is trying to run the show as she always does.  This irritates me & when I get upset I end up looking like the bad guy.  I just don't know what to do....  I think that my mom likes to make it look like she is better than everyone else, idk.. Oh mom also told me that she thinks since it's a wedding that FI needs to be in either a suit or a coat & I should wear white so that I look like a bride.  This is mine & his second wedding. Thanks for letting me rant.. Any ideas, help, suggestions, are more than welcome! ~G.
Posted by texie1203[/QUOTE]

Is your friend going with you to look at dresses? If so, just ask her to pick out things she likes. As she's going through picking the dresses she likes, look at the prices. When I went with my sister I not only looked at the dress I looked at the price since I had to A. wear the darn thing and B. pay for it. Once she has tried them on and tells you what she likes or doesn't like then you have both her price range and her likes.

As far as your mother. Ha, good luck! Jk. Since she is paying for some of the wedding, she does have some say. If she wants to wear a dress, let your mother wear a darn dress. She is a big girl and can do what she wants. Yes it is your day, but you cant tell everyone what they can/cant wear. However, as far as what you and FI wear, well that is your choice since well, it is your wedding.

texie1203

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_helprant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:c1c4dbab-f65c-4d76-a590-bd2dcb5e855fPost:da2795a4-a791-4c71-82f1-011710034da9">Re: Help/rant...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Help/rant... : Is your friend going with you to look at dresses? If so, just ask her to pick out things she likes. As she's going through picking the dresses she likes, look at the prices. When I went with my sister I not only looked at the dress I looked at the price since I had to A. wear the darn thing and B. pay for it. Once she has tried them on and tells you what she likes or doesn't like then you have both her price range and her likes. As far as your mother. Ha, good luck! Jk. Since she is paying for some of the wedding, she does have some say. If she wants to wear a dress, let your mother wear a darn dress. She is a big girl and can do what she wants. Yes it is your day, but you cant tell everyone what they can/cant wear. However, as far as what you and FI wear, well that is your choice since well, it is your wedding.
Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

I know mom is a big girl... I think I was just more ranting to get my frustrations with her off my chest is all

As far as my friend, I wanted her imput on what her cost range is since she does have to pay for it & what she liked.  I don't want to see her being out a ton of money on something that she will wear once maybe twice.  Just trying to think logicially here.  I did show her a dress that mom & I had picked out & showed it to her online & she liked it, but it will look different on of course.  I plan on taking her to the store here in the near future to go look at my dress & see if there's something that she will like.

I don't know if I am over thinking this but the other day she asked me if I was sure that I wanted her in my wedding a second time around.  If I wanted my other BFF (which is also hers) to be my MOH instead of her again.  My BFF was MOH for me 9 yrs ago when I married the first time around.  Still undecided as to how many BMs to have, just 1 or 2, idk yet.  It kinda hurt that it seemed like she didn't want to do it again but I dont know.  I might have been just overly sensitive the other day when we were talking.  She also asked me if I wanted the dress that I picked out to be the one, its a lot more simply than the princess ball gown type of last time. 

Heres the link to the dress:  <a href="http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Halter-Chiffon-A-Line-with-Center-Front-Draping-9BR1007_Bridal-Gowns-Shop-By-Size-Plus-Sizes" rel="nofollow">http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Halter-Chiffon-A-Line-with-Center-Front-Draping-9BR1007_Bridal-Gowns-Shop-By-Size-Plus-Sizes</a>

I would wear a balero jacket with it instead of the shawl.

Due to her asking me that question, I now feel like I'm second guessing my dress choice.... YIKES!!!

Is it too early to buy a dress now for a wedding that is next year?  I found a dress that I LOVE & I'm afraid that it will be gone when it gets closer to the wedding, as new styles will be coming out.

Stina51286

As far as your friend issue goes, maybe just play it by ear with her. You technically don't need to have them order their dresses until 6 months before hand so you have plenty of time. At that time, if she decides she doesn't want to be in the wedding, well so be it. If she does decide she still wants to be in the wedding, I would just suggest going to bridal shops together and have her pick out items. Just tell her the color/fabric you are thinking, let her find some, try them on, and go from there.

With regards to your dress, if you buy it STOP looking! I ordered mine almost a yr ago. It didn't come in until April. I just saw it again this last weekend and fell in love with it all over again.

shannie11

I was wondering why your friend was acting like this until I read it was your second marriage.  maybe she was offended some way in the first wedding.  Maybe she feels like I already did this and just isn't as excited.  Maybe she just doesn't want to say what she wants because she is afraid you will change it anyways.  I don't know.  Maybe talk to the girls you asked and ask them if they REALLY want to be in your wedding  Since it is a casual affair maybe you don't need bridesmaids or groomsman at all.

As for your mom.  Let her dress how she wants.  I know my mom would feel uncomfortable NOT being dressed up for a wedding esp her own daughters.  However, I wouldn't let her tell you what you can wear and what your FI should wear.  That is up to you.

texie1203

Thanks for the advice ladies, I went back & asked her, I think that I was having a bad day initally when I first talked to her about it & I guess I took her answers as wrong.  I know I was having an off day the other day.  I am doing better today.