What would you do?

VNEluvsAJB

I'm not sure how to handle this situation or if I should do anything at all. Advice wuold be appreciated.

FI took a couple of his groomsmen to lunch and to get fitted this past weekend. One of the groomsmen is his brother. The brother asked him how much the wedding was costing us, how much our honeymoon is, then made some comment to the effect that his parents were paying for all of this for us. FI asked why he thought that and said because FMIL said so. I wouldn't care if any of this was true but its not. Not a single person has given us a single cent to pay for this wedding. We're both young and work our butts off to pay for everything we have. Nobody has given us anything. Now that we're successful enough to throw a huge wedding that's what we're doing. It pisses me off that people assume we can't pay for this ourselves and that his mom is telling people she paid for it. I think the reason I'm so offended is that I moved out at 18 and have been working my butt off ever since. There were weeks when I ate beans and rice and scrimped and saved to have financial security. I don't appreciate my responsibiltiy and hardwork being discounted as "oh mommy & daddy gave it to them."

How would you handle this situation? Do I say anything or leave it alone?

DeClue82

First of all that would really tick me off that she is saying that! Secondly, I think your FI should have a conversation with her. It's his mom and something like this is a weird situation... Things might come out wrong, but a mother will always forgive her son.. she may not always forgive and forget her DIL...

LibbyC730

I hope FI corrected him and everyone can leave it at that.  I REALLY hope FBIL misunderstood FMIL and she never claimed to be paying for your wedding.  Congrats on being able to take responsibility for yourself and host a wonderful wedding! 

rungirl12

I'm going to try and be optamistic about this and throw this out there - is it possible that she will be writing you a huge check as a gift that will in essence pay for the wedding?

I also hope your FI corrected his brother and then questioned his mom.  Let him handle it, but something should be said if you know she's not giving $$ as a gift.

[Deleted User]

Well, first, to be honest, I would tell FI to stop talking money with other people, family included. It just leads to awkward situations (and I'm old-fashioned like that). Then, he can mention to his brother that you're paying for this yourself, if you really want to. I'd probably just drop it, since it's not his business and it's nosy as heck for him to be asking anyways.

DeClue82

Ohh yea hope for the big check too ;o)

id012

I agree with PP, it make me sick that he even told him how much everything was! My parents dont even know how much we pay for rent, lol, i dont talk money with anyone- ever. And it was REALLY rude for BIL to even ask.

Anyway, I was probably have FI bring it up to his mom, but more non shalantly (sp?) then like attacking.. that why you will more then likely get the truth out of here. 

Like he can say.. "Oh (his brother), mentioned the other day that you said you were paying for the whole wedding.." 

I dont know this is sticky..I hate that money was even talked about but I guess some people just think its fine to ask how much people are paying for things etc.

Side note : my FSIL asked my mother how much her mortgage was, and like demaned a number amount. I though my mother was going to throw up on the spot she was so shocked someone would be so rude to ask that! 

ohnoitskaroljo

This is entirely on your FI to correct. But as PPs said, hope for a big check at the end LOL

VNEluvsAJB

Like many of you, I was mortified that they were even discussing the cost. My family is very old fashioned and we don't disuss our expenses or paychecks. It just isn't anyone else's business. FI family on the other hand have no problem asking how much the new house, car, wedding cost. I'm hoping FI will break this habit soon because it makes me uncomfortable. That being said I'm going to leave this alone. If it comes up again I'll leave it to FI to discuss with his mom. Also, I'll be crossing my fingers for the huge check a few of you mentioned.