Favors

Donation in lieu favor

Hi ladies---

I'm thinking about making a donation to a charity in lieu of favor. Is it tacky?
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Re: Donation in lieu favor

  • Not at all.  I like it when people explain why the organization is meaningful to them.
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • In Response to Re:Donation in lieu favor:[QUOTE]Hi ladiesI'm thinking about making a donation to a charity in lieu of favor. Is it tacky? Posted by minko1986[/QUOTE]

    It is seen as tacky in a lot of circles. if you read the sticky at the top of this page, you'll see reasons.

    If you want to make a donation. Or you want to skip favors. That's fine, but I would encourage you not to connect them. No signs around the reception about what a great person you are. It comes across very AWish.
    snippet17Blue_Bird
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Don't connect donating to your wedding. You want to donate?  Go for it. But don't tell me what you DIDN'T give ME so you could put that money elsewhere. Simply don't do favors and take the money and donate it. No need to announce that you're a charitable person. 

    Now, if you REALLY want to look charitable and impress anyone, don't have FLOWERS. Tell me you're not carrying a bouquet b/c you donated that money to charity instead. Then I'd be impressed. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Marzipan13[Deleted User]
  • PS -   One of the main reasons donations in lieu of favors are a bad idea, is the politics involved. You may think the charity you are planning to donate to is fabulous, but any number of your guests may have a problem with that charity. Even if it seems like a good idea.

    For example, my sister had breast cancer. Of course, I want to see a cure come soon!!  But, I wouldn't give two cents to the Komen foundation.  I am a HUGE animal lover.  So, you'd think, donating to a dog rescue would be a great idea, right?  And who doesn't want to save puppies & kittens?  Everyone loves a dog !!  Except that there are people that haven't had good experience with certain rescues. 

    You never know what charities your guests will support or not support. And giving money to an organization in lieu of a favor to them, or in their name is a really bad idea.

    Of course, you can give your money to whatever charity or organization you want to. But don't connect it to your favors at all.
  • minko1986minko1986 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited March 2013
    Wow- I can tell this is a really heated discussion topic. Thanks for your opinions ladies.
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  • In Response to Re:Donation in lieu favor:[QUOTE]Wow I can tell this is a really heated discussion topic. Thanks for your opinions ladies. Posted by minko1986[/QUOTE]

    If you do a quick search for "donation" on this forum, you'll see that it has been argued from both sides dozens of times. There is good etiquette and logistical based arguments against doing it. Most of the time the arguments "for" are "because we are passionate about X" or "my dad had X disease".
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-in-lieu-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:1f5496fa-2279-4fce-a8f1-be097b036115Post:4b3fd64e-9c14-4962-b6b5-fb06767c9ebb">Donation in lieu favor</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi ladies--- I'm thinking about making a donation to a charity in lieu of favor. Is it tacky?
    Posted by minko1986[/QUOTE]

    <div>Favors are never required.  Don't give them.  If you choose to donate the money you would have spent on favors, do it without broadcasting it.  To me, if you broadcast it you are trying to show off....."hey, look how wonderful we are!". Now, if you REALLY want to be wonderful, donate all of your wedding gifts/money.</div>
    Knottie18688374
  • PeavyPeavy member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    Yes, it's tacky.  It's never in good taste to tell the guests what they aren't getting. 
  • minko1986minko1986 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-in-lieu-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:1f5496fa-2279-4fce-a8f1-be097b036115Post:aabca69d-7779-48ea-8463-392759ac0241">Re:Donation in lieu favor</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Donation in lieu favor: If you do a quick search for "donation" on this forum, you'll see that it has been argued from both sides dozens of times. There is good etiquette and logistical based arguments against doing it. Most of the time the arguments "for" are "because we are passionate about X" or "my dad had X disease".
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    <div>Your message is taken. But I feel like you're being a bit rude when you are leaving multiple posts (a postscript as well as another reply) with the same message. You didn't add any new opinion in the subsequent messages.</div>
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-in-lieu-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:1f5496fa-2279-4fce-a8f1-be097b036115Post:8d01f0f2-f54f-466e-9de4-d8321769fab3">Re:Donation in lieu favor</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Donation in lieu favor : Your message is taken. But I feel like you're being a bit rude when you are leaving multiple posts (a postscript as well as another reply) with the same message. You didn't add any new opinion in the subsequent messages.
    Posted by minko1986[/QUOTE]

    Actually, I did leave new information/opinion.  I told you where you could find additional information and gave you a head's up that the topic has been debated multiple times, and you could access that information by doing a search on this forum.

    I am providing information. Take it, or don't.  But, that's not the same as being rude. Rude would be: You are a total idiot.  How could you even CONSIDER doing such a thing?! See the difference?
    NYCMercedes
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-in-lieu-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:1f5496fa-2279-4fce-a8f1-be097b036115Post:8d01f0f2-f54f-466e-9de4-d8321769fab3">Re:Donation in lieu favor</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Donation in lieu favor : Your message is taken. But I feel like you're being a bit rude when you are leaving multiple posts (a postscript as well as another reply) with the same message. You didn't add any new opinion in the subsequent messages.
    Posted by minko1986[/QUOTE]

    <div>Huh?  She left new information. Also, it's hardly "rude" to elaborate on something. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Marzipan13
  • I think it's always off color to publically announce when you do things of this nature, because it comes off as very "OMG I'M AWSEOME!!  Didja see?  Dija see me being awesome?  Here's a pamphlet if you missed it.  It's right there.. a.w.e.s.o.m.e."

    BUT, that being said, it won't kill anyone to do it, so if it makes your world go round, and you don't care about getting side-eyed, do it.  Whatevs.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

    brideofginger
  • I would never see this as tacky. As a guest at a wedding who did this, I loved it and didn't hear one negative about it.
    "Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."
    sweetmonique
  • I thinks it's great when a bride and groom want to donate to a charity, but when they shove it in their guest's faces is rude. My FI and I went to my friend's wedding where they had placed little place cards at place settings stating that they had made a donation to The Boy Scouts of America. If you're unaware, The Boy Scouts of America segregate against homosexuals being scout leaders. You can bet I rolled my eyes at that. Donate if you wish but don't go bragging about it at your wedding.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Just make your donation without using it as a "favor" or announcing it.

    Sorry, it's not a "favor" to me to know that "in lieu" of giving me something I haven't asked for you're donating it to someone else. 

    Also, your wedding is not a fundraiser or an awareness-raising event.  I'm not there to find out whom you consider "less fortunate" or "in need."
  • Being charitable is not negative.  DO IT!  And let your guests know!  Hopefully those attending your wedding aren't as greedy as the authors of some of the previous posts.  Let's pay it forward!
    sweetmoniquenickandsarahsweddingangela418CC0805
  • Go for it. I am definitely supporting any bride that would think of others on a day that honors her. How unselfish !! Maybe it will enlighten others to pay it forward as well. I would never see it as being tacky...the Jordan almonds wrapped in tulle however....lol
    nickandsarahsweddingCC0805
  • Go for it. I am definitely supporting any bride that would think of others on a day that honors her. How unselfish !! Maybe it will enlighten others to pay it forward as well. I would never see it as being tacky...the Jordan almonds wrapped in tulle however....lol

    "Others" also includes her guests, no?
    If it was a truly unselfish act, the bride and groom wouldn't announce that they donated to the charity.
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    NYCMercedesKnottie16236414Marzipan13
  • Dancngqn said:
    Being charitable is not negative.  DO IT!  And let your guests know!  Hopefully those attending your wedding aren't as greedy as the authors of some of the previous posts.  Let's pay it forward!

    Yeah I'm not fussed about this attitude. Donate to charity all you want, it's a great thing to do. But don't brag about it and don't say you did it to make me happy, because what? And I'd much rather get no favor than a donation to a charity I don't support - that's not being greedy.
    RetreadBride[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Dancngqn said:
    Being charitable is not negative.  DO IT!  And let your guests know!  Hopefully those attending your wedding aren't as greedy as the authors of some of the previous posts.  Let's pay it forward!
    Opposing this is NOT "being greedy."  It is simply recognizing that weddings are NOT fundraisers or awareness-raising events.  I attend a wedding to see two people get married-not to hear about who they think is "in need" or "less fortunate" or "causes close to their heart."

    There's no reason why people can't donate-but it is not gracious to make a big announcement of it at a wedding, especially an "in lieu of" announcement.
    RetreadBrideMarzipan13
  • AddieL73 said:
    Don't connect donating to your wedding. You want to donate?  Go for it. But don't tell me what you DIDN'T give ME so you could put that money elsewhere. Simply don't do favors and take the money and donate it. No need to announce that you're a charitable person. 

    Now, if you REALLY want to look charitable and impress anyone, don't have FLOWERS. Tell me you're not carrying a bouquet b/c you donated that money to charity instead. Then I'd be impressed. 
    I actually really really like this idea!  
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    RetreadBrideNYCMercedes
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    shannyb41 said:
    AddieL73 said:
    Don't connect donating to your wedding. You want to donate?  Go for it. But don't tell me what you DIDN'T give ME so you could put that money elsewhere. Simply don't do favors and take the money and donate it. No need to announce that you're a charitable person. 

    Now, if you REALLY want to look charitable and impress anyone, don't have FLOWERS. Tell me you're not carrying a bouquet b/c you donated that money to charity instead. Then I'd be impressed. 
    I actually really really like this idea!  
    I think Addie was being sarcastic.  It really isn't polite or gracious to tell anyone that you're donating in lieu of doing something else at your wedding.
    NYCMercedes
  • You all sound like selfish brats!  It's a celebration of the people getting married.  Personally I believe my guests would much rather have a donation made to a good cause than some little trinket, especially at a destination wedding in which they'll have to pack it.  This isn't YOUR day guests... basically the bride and groom can do whatever the heck they want.  And if free food and drinks with people you care about isn't enough for you then get the eff out of my wedding,  Favor-loving-self centered idiots.

    Aren't you just a treat.
    NYCMercedesDaniBites[Deleted User]
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    You all sound like selfish brats!  It's a celebration of the people getting married.  Personally I believe my guests would much rather have a donation made to a good cause than some little trinket, especially at a destination wedding in which they'll have to pack it.  This isn't YOUR day guests... basically the bride and groom can do whatever the heck they want.  And if free food and drinks with people you care about isn't enough for you then get the eff out of my wedding,  Favor-loving-self centered idiots.

    I love how you resurface a thread from March to go on a tangent.

    Just FYI, more charities' missions than you'd even believe are against my religious beliefs, so if you made a donation in my name it would be pretty offensive. It may be a "good" cause, but it's against my moral viewpoints. So just be very careful with your delightfully charitable self to not offend your guests.

    NYCMercedes
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited June 2013
    You all sound like selfish brats!  It's a celebration of the people getting married.  Personally I believe my guests would much rather have a donation made to a good cause than some little trinket, especially at a destination wedding in which they'll have to pack it.  This isn't YOUR day guests... basically the bride and groom can do whatever the heck they want.  And if free food and drinks with people you care about isn't enough for you then get the eff out of my wedding,  Favor-loving-self centered idiots.
    Exactly.  Which is why we don't want to hear about awareness-raising pitches at a wedding-it's a bait-and-switch.  And sorry, but the reception is for the guests.  If the bride and groom "do whatever the heck they want" without concern for the guests, they are the ones being self-centered idiots.

    If you're going to engage in name-calling, you should get the eff out of this forum.
  • itzMS said:
    You all sound like selfish brats!  It's a celebration of the people getting married.  Personally I believe my guests would much rather have a donation made to a good cause than some little trinket, especially at a destination wedding in which they'll have to pack it.  This isn't YOUR day guests... basically the bride and groom can do whatever the heck they want.  And if free food and drinks with people you care about isn't enough for you then get the eff out of my wedding,  Favor-loving-self centered idiots.

    I love how you resurface a thread from March to go on a tangent.

    Just FYI, more charities' missions than you'd even believe are against my religious beliefs, so if you made a donation in my name it would be pretty offensive. It may be a "good" cause, but it's against my moral viewpoints. So just be very careful with your delightfully charitable self to not offend your guests.


    @itsMZ   Just curious, I've seen you mention a few times about it being against your religious beliefs.  Can you expand on that? I'm just curious.
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    @cmgilpin , DH & I are fairly devout Catholics. Even something as mainstream as the American Cancer Society uses monetary donations in ways we wouldn't morally support. It's kind of crazy. Monetary donations to like 80% of charities aren't an option for us. We give donations of our time, or physical donations (food, clothing, etc) to charity.

  • If you want to make a donation that's awesome, but I would not put it anywhere. Just do it.

    For me, I am donating money to the charity of our minister's son, who I babysat when he was a kid and he died young. but the only people who know about it are me, FI and the minister.

    And honestly, because this is a charity we're close to, I would never put it on the same level as favors, and tell people, since we didn't give you almonds, we were able to make this donation....ick.

    NYCMercedes
  • itzMS said:
    @cmgilpin , DH & I are fairly devout Catholics. Even something as mainstream as the American Cancer Society uses monetary donations in ways we wouldn't morally support. It's kind of crazy. Monetary donations to like 80% of charities aren't an option for us. We give donations of our time, or physical donations (food, clothing, etc) to charity.
    makes total sense. I don't give to the Komen foundation, and everyone is very shocked when I say that, because my sister had breast cancer.  There are a lot of organizations I won't give to for political or social reasons. I was just curious about your reasons.   thanks for explaining !
    Marzipan13
  • honestly, i could care less if I am getting a "favor" or not. I attend weddings for the bride and groom and because I care for them, not because I want a "gift" in the end. I think it's great that you want to donate to charities, but I wouldn't have it at my wedding day for the fact I wouldn't want my guests to feel pressured to donate as well. Maybe you should organize a little fundraiser event at home where then you could announce and invite people to donate as well; better than have it at your wedding. =)
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