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Donation in lieu favor

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Re: Donation in lieu favor

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Old thread I never came back to before, so I didn't see Jenn's comment. I was totally serious about the flowers. If you're going to announce your charitable gift, I prefer you tell me what YOU gave up as opposed to tell me what you decided not to give me. But honestly,just save everyone the controversy and donate without any announcement at all.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    ohannabelle
  • If the donation has a meaning there is no tackiness..
    I'm making a donation to the American Heart Association in remembrance of my mother in lieu of my favors.
    It's a big way and a statement to be able to include her in my big day when I will be missing her tremendously anyway. I am hoping it will strike conversation in some of her friends to tell me stories about her I haven't heard.
    Not tacky at all anyway. Pick a non controversial association and who cares if it means something to you. They throw away your favors for the most part anyway!

  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    If the donation has a meaning there is no tackiness..
    I'm making a donation to the American Heart Association in remembrance of my mother in lieu of my favors.
    It's a big way and a statement to be able to include her in my big day when I will be missing her tremendously anyway. I am hoping it will strike conversation in some of her friends to tell me stories about her I haven't heard.
    Not tacky at all anyway. Pick a non controversial association and who cares if it means something to you. They throw away your favors for the most part anyway!

    Your wedding should be a celebration, not a memorial to your mother.  Leave the conversations for another time.   It just comes off as AWish to broadcast the donation.  Why can't you just donate privately? 

    If you really want to do something wonderful, why don't you donate all of your wedding gift/money to the charity?  I bet you won't do that.   Instead, you're donating the money that would've been spent on favors for the guests.  How is that a favor to me?
  • What about having a donation to a charity as a gift option for people to give to the charity instead of giving to you? That would make a lot of sense to me.  SoKind registry lets you do that. Then people can always opt out. 
    ohannabelle
  • You know your guests better than anyone. I have been to weddings where donations were made and thought, "that's great" I'd rather that than money be spent on some tacky wedding favor with the brides and/or grooms names all over it.  If you think the majority of your guests will not mind, then do it.  If you have a cause that you care deeply about for personal reasons, then do it.  We plan to do really cheap wedding favors (jars with rainbow skittles) and a tag around it that indicates a charitable donation was made to some charities supporting and fighting for marriage equality.  Since we are two brides, legally marrying in our state, at our wedding it's important for us to recognize that not everyone has this right. I am 100% sure that our guests will totally support and appreciate this effort.  They wouldn't be invited to the wedding if they didn't. My vote:  DO IT!  It's a much better use of your money and a potentially much longer lasting and meaningful gift than any favor would be. Research your charities see how they spend their funds and how their donations are distributed. We are choosing not to make donations in individual guest names because we don't want them to be inundated with solicitations from charities. 
  • edited July 2014
  • I love the idea of donating to a Charity .. I have also had that in mind for my wedding .. We are thinking to do a rainbow wedding to support Autism.. And we are asking that of they are bringing a gift to please make it in a cash form so we can donate all of our gifts(money) to autism .. At the end of the day it is your wedding and everyone will understand and see your point to your wedding .. A perfect wedding to someone is doing what they cherish and love !
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 2014
    What about having a donation to a charity as a gift option for people to give to the charity instead of giving to you? That would make a lot of sense to me.  SoKind registry lets you do that. Then people can always opt out. 
    "Instead of giving to you" ??? No one needs to give you a gift. Do you work for this company? Suspicious you are a vendor as this is your first ever post.
    AddieCake
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 2014
    You know your guests better than anyone. I have been to weddings where donations were made and thought, "that's great" I'd rather that than money be spent on some tacky wedding favor with the brides and/or grooms names all over it.  If you think the majority of your guests will not mind, then do it.  If you have a cause that you care deeply about for personal reasons, then do it.  We plan to do really cheap wedding favors (jars with rainbow skittles) and a tag around it that indicates a charitable donation was made to some charities supporting and fighting for marriage equality.  Since we are two brides, legally marrying in our state, at our wedding it's important for us to recognize that not everyone has this right. I am 100% sure that our guests will totally support and appreciate this effort.  They wouldn't be invited to the wedding if they didn't. My vote:  DO IT!  It's a much better use of your money and a potentially much longer lasting and meaningful gift than any favor would be. Research your charities see how they spend their funds and how their donations are distributed. We are choosing not to make donations in individual guest names because we don't want them to be inundated with solicitations from charities. 

    This is a stupid idea. Give your money where you want to. Don't tell me about it as that's just bragging. Oh, and thanks for not giving away your guests names and addresses so you get the charitable deduction.
    AddieCake
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I love the idea of donating to a Charity .. I have also had that in mind for my wedding .. We are thinking to do a rainbow wedding to support Autism.. And we are asking that of they are bringing a gift to please make it in a cash form so we can donate all of our gifts(money) to autism .. At the end of the day it is your wedding and everyone will understand and see your point to your wedding .. A perfect wedding to someone is doing what they cherish and love !
    First, you should never mention gifts at all. You want to give your gifts to a cause? Well, then do it but don't publicize your generosity cuz then it's not generosity, it's grandstanding.
    AddieCake
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
      We plan to do really cheap wedding favors (jars with rainbow skittles) and a tag around it that indicates a charitable donation was made to some charities supporting and fighting for marriage equality.  Since we are two brides, legally marrying in our state, at our wedding it's important for us to recognize that not everyone has this right. I am 100% sure that our guests will totally support and appreciate this effort.  
    Love the rainbow Skittles for you; hate that you feel the need to announce (brag) that you are making a donation to something. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    @KnotPorscha - Can we get rid of the Knottie names and let people choose their own when they sign up like before?   There are 3 above that are one right after and it's hard to really differentiate the posts and who they are when they're names all look alike.  Many do not go back and change their name.

    What exactly was the reason for the Knottie names upon signup?  Nothing before was broken, and you know what they say about that!
    AddieCakeMarzipan13
  • Not at all. We are donating to the Heifer Foundation. Who really ever eats the chocolates or uses the candles. If other people do not like it, they should go to the dollar store and buy their own candle. Your guest should know who you are as a couple, and celebrate what you are doing together. If donations are your thing then go for it!
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Not at all. We are donating to the Heifer Foundation. Who really ever eats the chocolates or uses the candles. If other people do not like it, they should go to the dollar store and buy their own candle. Your guest should know who you are as a couple, and celebrate what you are doing together. If donations are your thing then go for it!
    I always eat the chocolates.  In fact, I pretty much eat every edible favor that is given.

    I just think doing a donation in lieu of a favor is a bit "hey look at how wonderful we are!"  Great, you want to give to a charity, I am not going to stop you.  But I think promoting your giving is tacky and you are basically only doing it for the recognition.

    southernbelle0915Marzipan13hellohkb
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Not at all. We are donating to the Heifer Foundation. Who really ever eats the chocolates or uses the candles. If other people do not like it, they should go to the dollar store and buy their own candle. Your guest should know who you are as a couple, and celebrate what you are doing together. If donations are your thing then go for it!
    Are you kidding?  I ALWAYS eat the chocolate!   If donations are your thing, do them privately instead of showing off.
    Marzipan13Jen4948
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    edited July 2014
    Not at all. We are donating to the Heifer Foundation. Who really ever eats the chocolates or uses the candles. If other people do not like it, they should go to the dollar store and buy their own candle. Your guest should know who you are as a couple, and celebrate what you are doing together. If donations are your thing then go for it!
    Pretty much everyone I know eats the candy.  And when the few souls out there who are anti-candy leave theirs at the table, they almost always get swiped by other guests for the car ride home once it's clear the actual recipient isn't taking theirs.

    Meanwhile, a truly magnanimous person doesn't feel the need to announce just how wonderful and magnanimous they are.  I liken it to people who post "I truly am a nice person" or "I'm really not a bridezilla" - if you have to announce it, you probably aren't the thing you're proclaiming to be.  It's just in poor taste to basically announce "We thought about getting you a small token of thanks, but we decided we wanted to show you just how altruistic we could be at your expense." 

    Giving to charity - fabulous! 
    Opting out of giving favors - perfectly acceptable and people probably won't even notice if it's not mentioned anywhere! 
    Throwing it in people's faces that you thought about giving something and went "Nah...but look how fabulous we are!" - Tacky!

    It's one of those things that sounds like a nice thing to do "Oh, it's for charity - who can argue with charity", but in reality, smacks of AW-ing, especially if you're not giving up your bouquet or your centerpieces or your wedding dress for charity.  Just like the proverbial tree falling in the forest...If money is given to charity, but no one is around to hear you brag about it, did it really happen and can the charity still spend the money?  It's AW-ing.

    Plus, you will almost never find a charity that is acceptable to everyone.  And you can't play the "But it's my wedding and this is to show something that I really support" card.  Because once you announced that this is basically your thank you favor to them, you made it about them, not you.  Even Heifer Int'l has it's opponents who argue that it's irresponsible to give livestock to starving nations when that livestock will take more resources than it's going to give, vs. helping them to grow crops.
    http://www.awfw.org/no-animal-gifts/
    http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/commentators/andrew-tyler-dont-follow-the-herd-and-give-a-cow-for-christmas-426054.html


    Jen4948
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    What about having a donation to a charity as a gift option for people to give to the charity instead of giving to you? That would make a lot of sense to me.  SoKind registry lets you do that. Then people can always opt out. 
    I would definitely opt out.  I neither donate to charities as a "gift" to third parties nor appreciate this done on my behalf.  I'm all in favor of donating to charity and do it when possible, but not as a wedding favor or gift.  It screams "Look what a generous person I am to give to charity and not to you!"
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Not at all. We are donating to the Heifer Foundation. Who really ever eats the chocolates or uses the candles. If other people do not like it, they should go to the dollar store and buy their own candle. Your guest should know who you are as a couple, and celebrate what you are doing together. If donations are your thing then go for it!
    I eat the chocolates, and the candles might be useful if there's no electricity (or sometimes when I'm feeling romantic).

    I do not appreciate requests for donations as gifts to third parties or being told that someone made a donation "on my behalf."  They did not.  They made it to stroke their own egos.  

    I prefer to choose for myself what charities I will support and not have the choice made for me.
  • I believe in my heart that u go with ur heart! I make wedding favors however I believe u have to give back more than u have been given. If u can't give a favor where u know the guest won't be tossed after the wedding then give a favor! Give what u want! It's ur wedding!!!!!
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I believe in my heart that u go with ur heart! I make wedding favors however I believe u have to give back more than u have been given. If u can't give a favor where u know the guest won't be tossed after the wedding then give a favor! Give what u want! It's ur wedding!!!!!
    Uhhh, say what?
  • I believe in my heart that u go with ur heart! I make wedding favors however I believe u have to give back more than u have been given. If u can't give a favor where u know the guest won't be tossed after the wedding then give a favor! Give what u want! It's ur wedding!!!!!
    Yes! All this! I never give favors where I toss my guests. Ur.
    hellohkbsouthernbelle0915[Deleted User]
  • hellohkbhellohkb mod
    Moderator Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited October 2014
    I think many users in this thread need to read this post... Unless OP is trying to stir the pot since this thread title is almost identical with the one below.

    http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/236231/thinking-of-using-a-donation-in-lieu-of-favors-read-this-first


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited October 2014
    Can we just close this thread so we don't get any more nonsense replies?  Thread is a year and a half old anyway.
    AddieCake[Deleted User]
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