Favors

Help me end an argument!

OK so here is the deal! It is my general impression that favors have really just become big in the last 10 yrs. My mom and the FMIL are were both 30+ moms and I am a young (22) bride...the future in law's are not originally from the US  so they do not do favors. My mom has never even heard of favors since i am the youngest person in my family by about 14 years + ...seriously the last family wedding I went to I was the flower girl in!

So here is my main point. They are paying almost 100% of the wedding and they do not want them because they think they are totally unnecessary...and frankly so do I but I have received a favor at literally ALL of my friends weddings and I know my family wont be offended if we didn't do it I think my friends would be offended if we didn't. I know that if I had them most family members would just leave them behind. I know I cant just put favors on the "friends" tables and not on the "family" tables... I am at such a cross road here because I know if I want them and the parents don't agree I have to pay for it ( like my photo booth) and that's another expense x 200! HELP...Opinions please!

Re: Help me end an argument!

  • edited December 2011
    I don't think there's an argument here...just difference in opinions.

    I think you can still do favours if you want to, but do them inexpensively.

    For instance, a gf of mine, whose parents and FI's parents are paying for the whole wedding, are having elaborate and pricey favours.

    My FI and I, who are paying for our own wedding (but are having as many guests as my gf) are having favours...but scaled back. We cannot afford to spend $250+ on favours. But we CAN afford between $150 and $200 for them. We have found some inexpensive and cute options and will be doing that instead!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    I doubt anyone would be offended if you didnt give out favors.... 
  • edited December 2011
    Do edible favors. This way they will be appreciated and less expensive. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Just for future reference:  When you post the same thing on 5 different boards, it's courteous to put an XP before the title.

    I answered this way on the CC board: 
    Big in the last 10 years?  I was married almost 32 years ago, and we had favors, as did everyone I knew.  Matchbooks were very popular back then.  =)

    But ditto Meg:  if you don't want them, don't have them.  But also understand that favors don't have to be big and expensive.  My DD's favors were probably somewhere around the $1 pp mark, probably less.

    She had bought favor boxes on clearance.  Tulle circles on clearance.  Ribbon on clearance.  She put a small handful of m&ms in a circle of tulle, tied the circle, placed it in the favor box, and put a box at each place setting.

    So if you have 200 people, you can likely, with a little work, have your total cost of favors be under $200.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • APW2010APW2010 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I like favors with a purpose - either a donation to a charity with significance to you and your family, giving a card to everyone; or something edible, so people can niblle on it (and it doesn't become clutter for them). Those might be ideas that are easier to sell to the parents, since you are either feeding people or doing some good in the world. the card attached or the candy packaging can be the keepsake part for your friends.
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_end-argument?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:7d4344fb-976f-4321-b600-5ce9b40c3e1cPost:2c07f637-d952-426c-82ee-80a1fa1c5bb4">Re: Help me end an argument!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I like favors with a purpose - <strong>either a donation to a charity with significance to you and your family,</strong> giving a card to everyone; or something edible, so people can niblle on it (and it doesn't become clutter for them). Those might be ideas that are easier to sell to the parents, since you are either feeding people or doing some good in the world. the card attached or the candy packaging can be the keepsake part for your friends.
    Posted by APW2010[/QUOTE]

    I'm with you on everyting but the donations.  Here's why:

    <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black;">Make your donation.  I believe in donations.  I make them myself.  I think they're a good thing to do.

    But don't pretend that they're a favor to your guests.  Because they're not.  They're a favor to the organization, and to you.  You're taking the money you'd spend on a little something for your guests and giving it to someone else.  How do you figure that's a favor for your guests?

    Honestly, I don't need a favor.  I don't really want a favor.  You're already giving me food, drinks, entertainment.  I don't need a matchbook or m&ms (although I LOVE m&ms) as a thank you.

    But please don't in any, way, shape or form think that giving $$ to a charity is somehow doing something for me.

    I'd liken it to a guest coming to your wedding and giving you a card that says "In honor of your marriage, I have given a donation to the "eastern micronesia tsunami prevention fund".  It may be important to your guest, but it probably doesn't mean anything to you.  So it's not really a gift for you, is it.</span></p>
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • fallbride1109fallbride1109 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    As a bride who thought she just HAD to have favors, my advice is don't do them.  No one cares about a cheap favor.  They are not worth the money and effort.  When I think about how much money I spent on them, I regret it.  People told me not to worry about them when I was planning and I wish I had listened.  If your friends are offended, they aren't very good friends.

    If you just have to do something, put some chocolate in a favor box, tie a ribbon on it and call it a day.  But honestly, even $200 spent on favors is $200 better spent elsewhere.  And a photobooth is always a big hit and is plenty of favor in itself.

  • hckaczynhckaczyn member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We aren't doing them. I have never liked or really even kept any favor from any wedding I've gone to. I mean, if you're already feeding your guests and likely spending a lot of money on alcohol for them also, I think that's gift enough.

    When I go to a wedding without favors I don't even notice. Don't worry about them.
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  • BetsyMoreBetsyMore member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Funny you should ask. I was at a lovely, gracious wedding just this weekend, and until I saw this question, it didn't even cross my mind that there weren't favors.

    Seriously, NOBODY cares about wedding favors except the bride.  They care about being treated graciously and hospitably, which means good food and drink, not being kept waiting hours for their food while you take your pictures, getting some individual attention from the bride and groom during the reception, etc.  They do not care about cheap trinkets or even the chocolate truffle that cost you far more than their value to the guests. 

    In short: anyone who is "offended" at the lack of favors is someone who is looking for something to be offended about. 
    White Knot
  • edited December 2011
    Agree with pp! I went to FSILs wedding last summer and I didnt' know she didnt' have favors until a couple months ago when looking for ideas I asked her! Nobody will notice and alot of brides cuz out favors due to budget restraints!
  • edited December 2011
    We had an irish wedding last month and our favors were miniature bottles of Bailey's that also served double duty as the placecard holders (with a little help from double-sided tape). Everyone loved them and used them in the coffee bar that night and at brunch the next day. Keep in mind that our wedding was adult only, but we could have substituted bubbles for the kids. They were $1.46 each.
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