Favors

Donation wording...Help!

Hi! My fiance and I are doing donations as favors to the American Cancer Society and American Heart Association for family members who have died and those still living the the disease/heart problems. I am having a difficult time figuring out how to say it. I have come up with this so far:
"In lieu of favors we have chosen to make a donation to the American Cancer Society and the American Heart Associate in honor of those close to our hearts who could not be with us today and whose lives have been touched by these causes."

Appreciate any suggestions!
Thanks :)
«1

Re: Donation wording...Help!

  • edited December 2011
    Don't even get me started on this.  My suggestion: Don't do it.  Donation favors are the worst idea ever.  If you want to make a donation, do it on your own time... there's no need to announce it to your guests and it's just stupid to pretend that a donation is a "favor" for your guests.
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  • edited December 2011
    Read what Stage says in the top sticky note on the favors page. She has a good way to display the wording/announcement. The wording sounds fine expect for the "in lieu of."

    If those charities are special to you, and you have lost loved ones to the disease, than I would say go for it. You will be criticized for whatever favors, if any, you decide to do. People will always have an opinion on what you should do. Do what you like. It's your wedding.
    Anniversary
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Make your donation.  I believe in donations.  I make them myself.  I think they're a good thing to do.

    But don't pretend that they're a favor to your guests.  Because they're not.  They're a favor to the organization, and to you.  You're taking the money you'd spend on a little something for your guests and giving it to someone else.  How do you figure that's a favor for your guests?

    Honestly, I don't need a favor.  I don't really want a favor.  You're already giving me food, drinks, entertainment.  I don't need a matchbook or m&ms (although I LOVE m&ms) as a thank you.

    But please don't in any, way, shape or form think that giving $$ to a charity is somehow doing something for me.

    I'd liken it to a guest coming to your wedding and giving you a card that says "In honor of your marriage, I have given a donation to the "eastern micronesia tsunami prevention fund".  It may be important to your guest, but it probably doesn't mean anything to you.  So it's not really a gift for you, is it.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • CA2MT4EveRCA2MT4EveR member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I heart you Trix!  You are a wise woman.  I think you must have this saved as a document on your computer and you C&P it to any thread about donations :)
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
  • edited December 2011
    I actually went to my FI cousin's wedding where they did donations instead of a favor and I was really touched that they did that for a cause that was close to them instead of spending money on something people would just throw out or never use. The two charities we are looking at are close to us since my dad has cancer, our grandparents died of cancer, his dad and my uncle had open heart surgery, etc.

    I wouldn't liken a donation instead of a $1-2 favor to a wedding present...
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, CA, I do have it saved now.  Because the question comes up so often.

    And for sekirk:  Why is it always the favors that get tossed to give money to charity?  Why not give up flowers....or dj.....or invitations.....or the bride's veil?  If someone really wants to sacrifice something for the charity, why don't they sacrifice something that's theirs?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    This post was to ask about wording for the donations, not whether or not one should be given so I would appreciate if we could stick to that topic.

    You also don't know if I am giving something else with the donation or not, so please just stick to whether the wording sounds ok or not. That is what I am concerned about, not whether or not a donation should be given.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-wordinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd4e89fc-840f-4e33-b844-f595a02c199cPost:638db535-bff1-4c83-82bf-1f86e6aed84b">Donation wording...Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi! My fiance and I are doing donations as favors to the American Cancer Society and American Heart Association for family members who have died and those still living the the disease/heart problems. I am having a difficult time figuring out how to say it. I have come up with this so far: "In lieu of favors we have chosen to make a donation to the American Cancer Society and the American Heart Associate in honor of those close to our hearts who could not be with us today and whose lives have been touched by these causes." <strong>Appreciate any suggestions! Thanks :)</strong>
    Posted by sekirkpatrick[/QUOTE]
    Umm... you said, "Appreciate any suggestions."  So, we're giving you our suggestions.  :-)
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  • CA2MT4EveRCA2MT4EveR member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-wordinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd4e89fc-840f-4e33-b844-f595a02c199cPost:7f77ec58-4c8d-4447-8b9f-041fb567eae0">Re: Donation wording...Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]This post was to ask about wording for the donations, not whether or not one should be given so I would appreciate if we could stick to that topic.
    Posted by sekirkpatrick[/QUOTE]

    Remember this is an international board.  Please read the sticky notes.
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
    VinhRissey
  • edited December 2011
    Suggestions about the wording NOT whether or not to do a donation.....didn't think it had to be that specific.

    I debated whether or not to actually ask broadly about the wording on one of these boards, but seems like I just shouldn't have asked since most of the comments have been negative about donations and not actually about what I needed help for.
    VinhRissey
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It appears that you're looking for validation for an idea.  And now that you're not getting it, you're annoyed.

    It's a public message board.  You can't control how or what people respond to what you've written.

    So to respond to your OP:  There's a reason you're having a hard time coming up with acceptable wording for your "favor".  Because there isn't any way to say "We're not giving you a favor, so here's a note to tell you why."
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011

    I am really not looking for validation for an idea, just help on how to say that I want to honor people that are still alive and suffering.

    I can't control what people say, but had thought that people would actually try to help someone out instead of attacking someone's idea.

  • edited December 2011
    Leave out the "In lieu of"
    I'd just say "In honor of Names of those who past please donate to Such and Such charity"

    If I were you and this was very important to me, I would still do favors and have the donation box right by the favors, as if to donate for the favors, more people might donate. It might seem tacky. But, I think donations instead of favors is kind of tacky. (My .02)
  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-wordinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd4e89fc-840f-4e33-b844-f595a02c199cPost:7f77ec58-4c8d-4447-8b9f-041fb567eae0">Re: Donation wording...Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]This post was to ask about wording for the donations, not whether or not one should be given so I would appreciate if we could stick to that topic. You also don't know if I am giving something else with the donation or not, so please just stick to whether the wording sounds ok or not. That is what I am concerned about, not whether or not a donation should be given.
    Posted by sekirkpatrick[/QUOTE]


    I figured your use of "in lieu of favors" pretty much said you weren't giving the guests anything other than the card telling them that a donation had been made...?

    As for your actual question - I'd suggest not pointing out that you ditched the favors to make the donation.  In fact...I wouldn't mention it at all.  Not having favors isn't a big deal.  Making an issue of not having them kind of is, in my opinion.

    Making charitable donations is great.  I just don't think it has to mix with a wedding and I don't agree with all charities.  There are some that I'd be very upset if a donation was made 'for' me.   I always assume there are others who would feel the same way.

    Congratulations on your wedding!
    10-10-10
  • CA2MT4EveRCA2MT4EveR member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-wordinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd4e89fc-840f-4e33-b844-f595a02c199cPost:042fe20f-a79e-4da5-a7bb-71b828884b7b">Re: Donation wording...Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am really not looking for validation for an idea, just help on how to say that I want to honor people that are still alive and suffering. I can't control what people say, but had thought that people would actually try to help someone out instead of attacking someone's idea.
    Posted by sekirkpatrick[/QUOTE]

    No one is attacking you.   As it says in the sticky note, this is a very controversial subject
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-wordinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd4e89fc-840f-4e33-b844-f595a02c199cPost:ac9f0b15-4596-4118-9a12-f7b68fa97204">Re: Donation wording...Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Leave out the "In lieu of" I'd just say "In honor of Names of those who past  please donate to Such and Such charity" If I were you and this was very important to me, I would still do favors and have the donation box right by the favors, as if to donate for the favors, more people might donate. It might seem tacky. But, I think donations instead of favors is kind of tacky. (My .02)
    Posted by hattieshay[/QUOTE]

    I hope this was meant to be sarcasm.  Because the only thing that I can think of that's worse than announcing that you're not giving people favors so that you can make a tax deductible donation to a charity is having donation boxes out at a wedding.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-wordinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd4e89fc-840f-4e33-b844-f595a02c199cPost:7f77ec58-4c8d-4447-8b9f-041fb567eae0">Re: Donation wording...Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]This post was to ask about wording for the donations, not whether or not one should be given so I would appreciate if we could stick to that topic. <u><strong>You also don't know if I am giving something else with the donation or not, </strong></u>so please just stick to whether the wording sounds ok or not. That is what I am concerned about, not whether or not a donation should be given.
    Posted by sekirkpatrick[/QUOTE]


    Oh that makes it even better.  Because the tag then says "Here's a favor to tell you that I'm not giving you a favor."  Yeah-that makes a lot of sense.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-wordinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd4e89fc-840f-4e33-b844-f595a02c199cPost:a8c18e31-31da-484d-b164-4fcfa7c754d8">Re: Donation wording...Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donation wording...Help! : I hope this was meant to be sarcasm.  Because the only thing that I can think of that's worse than announcing that you're not giving people favors so that you can make a tax deductible donation to a charity is having donation boxes out at a wedding.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    Uh, yeah. Can't you tell by the whole this idea is tacky bit at the end. I was just trying to be nice about it.
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    hattie, I thought so. 

    I was just picturing *some* of the posters might think "Now that's a GREAT idea!  I'll put up collection boxes too!"  =)
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    I'm also doing donations to the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. MANY of my relatives have died or been affected by cancer, and recently, one of the younger relatives was stricken with cancer. It was a huge journey for our entire family, and everyone knows the hurdles we had to overcome together to make it to the other side. I KNOW they will be touched by our generousity to an organization that has helped one of our family members through the most difficult moment in their lives, and ours. I'm not worried about those selfish, inconsiderate people who are more concerned with M&Ms than the well-being of our family. In my eyes, they are not true family members.
  • CA2MT4EveRCA2MT4EveR member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-wordinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd4e89fc-840f-4e33-b844-f595a02c199cPost:2eb9b4de-728d-41fc-8142-1c40030c19b4">Re: Donation wording...Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm also doing donations to the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. MANY of my relatives have died or been affected by cancer, and recently, one of the younger relatives was stricken with cancer. It was a huge journey for our entire family, and everyone knows the hurdles we had to overcome together to make it to the other side. I KNOW they will be touched by our generousity to an organization that has helped one of our family members through the most difficult moment in their lives, and ours. <strong>I'm not worried about those selfish, inconsiderate people who are more concerned with M&Ms than the well-being of our family</strong>. In my eyes, they are not true family members.
    Posted by KabFrr[/QUOTE]

    KabFrr- I don't think you are catching the point PPs are trying to make to you.  It's not about the M&M's or candy or whatever favor.  It's about how a donation is NOT a favor.  Most of the people on here are generous people and DO donate to the causes they are for. Not instead of something at their wedding, but because they want to.  Check out the sticky at the top of the forum and you will see some good quotes from people about this topic.
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-wordinghelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:dd4e89fc-840f-4e33-b844-f595a02c199cPost:6879e53c-688b-4aa7-9716-2ecbd4354424">Re: Donation wording...Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]hattie, I thought so.  I was just picturing *some* of the posters might think "Now that's a GREAT idea!  I'll put up collection boxes too!"  =)
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    Oh boy. I sure hope not. : )
  • edited December 2011
    It is your wedding do whatever you want! people need to relax on here!
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    "Instead of giving you a piece of chocolate, we gave your gift to charity so we could get the tax write-off and all the praise and love for being so proud of ourselves and we just had to tell you. Don't feel bad. We're just special people and you're not."
    Blue_Bird
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Damn. Should have quoted her. Live and learn.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The favors won't be missed, and any message you put out to the effect that you think someone else deserves your money as opposed to your guests is going to come off as smug, self-congratulatory, and not appreciated by your guests in the manner you would have them appreciate it.

    Just make your donation and keep it to yourself without any kind of announcement or "wording."  Don't use your wedding guests as a captive audience for your "cause."
    Blue_Bird
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    I am really not looking for validation for an idea, just help on how to say that I want to honor people that are still alive and suffering.

    I can't control what people say, but had thought that people would actually try to help someone out instead of attacking someone's idea.

    If Knotties don't agree that the idea is a good one, that's not going to happen, and expecting it is very naive.

    If you want to help people who are suffering, do it without tying it to your wedding.  Your wedding is not a sequel to your relatives' funeral, and it's not about pain and suffering.  Your guests want to celebrate, not be preached to, let alone told that someone else deserves your money, your time, or your resources more because they're "suffering." Even though your guests are not entitled to favors, it's a very ungracious message to give people who have taken time and money out of their lives to enjoy something with you.
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