July 2012 Weddings

Had some wedding drama over the weekend

So my bio dad came on saturday with my step mother and half brother/half sister.  We went to get the boys fitted for their tuxes then we had everyone over our house for pizza afterwards.  So my dad decides to tell me in front of everyone that he thinks it's gay for him and my step dad to both walk me down the aisle.  So he said to just have my step dad do it.  Then he will just wait for me at the end of the aisle to actually give me away. 

I pretty much told him that I do not want that.  He said well I feel really uncomfortable with both of us walking you down the aisle.  His only reasoning is that it looks dumb and "gay".  He is so immature.  Then later when he was leaving he said that it is my day and he will do whatever makes me happy.  But I could tell that his words were not sincere. 

I called my mother up crying if I had it my way my step dad would be the one walking me down the aisle and giving me away.  I have no feelings towards my father.  My parents got divorced when I was 15 months old.  I see my father about 2-3 times a year for dinner.  I decided I am going to pretty much give him the ultimatum that you either both walk me down the aisle and say "we do" when the reverend asks who gives her away.  Or my dad can just be seated and not participate at all.  I am shocked that he thinks he deserves to be the one to give me away when he has not been a father to me for the past 30 years.  I think that he truly thinks that he was a great dad to us when he was pretty much non existent.

Sorry I had to vent I was hysterical saturday night once he left our house.  We probably won't be seeing him again until the actual rehearsal. 
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Re: Had some wedding drama over the weekend

  • Awww I'm sorry LADY! I can sort of relate to this actually. I'm having both my dad and stepdad walk me down the aisle and give me away. My parents divorced when I was in 6th grade, and my dad is very much a part of my life though, so there's our differences. My dad is not at all happy about having to share this responsibility with my stepdad though, and he's made that very apparent. He won't make a big stink about it because I've put my foot down, but I know it doesn't sit well with him.

    Why are you having your dad give you away if you don't have much of a relationship with him? Was it your idea or someone else's?
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  • That's terrible of your father to try and make you feel this way.  He should definitely try to do whatever makes you happy, especially since most fathers look forward to giving their daughters away.

    I hope that your mother was able to comfort you a little bit and hopefully all of this can get ironed out for you.
  • aww!!! Your dad sounds like mine sometimes...I haven't asked my stepdad yet to walk me down the aisle in fear of this...well and of what my stepsister will do...I'm glad you're giving your dad an ulitmatum..I would have done the exact same thing.  By the sounds of it, your dad doesn't have the right to give you away.  If you won't see him till the actual rehearsal, you need to give him your options before then...because you don't want to be hysterical the night before your wedding...
  • edited April 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_had-some-wedding-drama-over-the-weekend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:2113681e-be7e-4908-b9ea-7ad7b753ee81Post:705df8b1-2de6-4428-81cb-31d399854b5a">Re: Had some wedding drama over the weekend</a>:
    [QUOTE]Awww I'm sorry LADY! I can sort of relate to this actually. I'm having both my dad and stepdad walk me down the aisle and give me away. My parents divorced when I was in 6th grade, and my dad is very much a part of my life though, so there's our differences. My dad is not at all happy about having to share this responsibility with my stepdad though, and he's made that very apparent. He won't make a big stink about it because I've put my foot down, but I know it doesn't sit well with him. Why are you having your dad give you away if you don't have much of a relationship with him? Was it your idea or someone else's?
    Posted by ceglare4[/QUOTE]

    I wanted to have both of them to give me away to keep the peace and not be a major biatch to my dad.  He is still involved enough that I didn't feel like it would be right for him to not be involved at all.  So I figured I would just have them both walk me down.  I am going to give it some time before I call him and give him his 2 options. 
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  • yeah, I'm sorry he's being a butt!!  My dad was around enough too...made some stupid decisions along the way (that I'm still upset over)...and he's still my dad...but I don't understand why he has to be a butt most of the time...

    Let it set in & then call...that way hopefully it won't be a screaming match...
  • edited April 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_had-some-wedding-drama-over-the-weekend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:2113681e-be7e-4908-b9ea-7ad7b753ee81Post:4b4ee7c8-10ce-4798-8567-58d762a5a1bf">Re: Had some wedding drama over the weekend</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's terrible of your father to try and make you feel this way.  He should definitely try to do whatever makes you happy, especially since most fathers look forward to giving their daughters away. I hope that your mother was able to comfort you a little bit and hopefully all of this can get ironed out for you.
    Posted by penny12986[/QUOTE]

    Thanks my mom was able to comfort she is amazing.  I went to her house yesterday to work on our invites.  She is so pissed at my father for upsetting me.  They have no relationship at all and she can't stand him so it's nice for the 2 of us to be able to bit*h to each other about it.  I am just trying to avoid any drama at all costs.  My dad tries to pretend that he is so easy going but he really is not.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_had-some-wedding-drama-over-the-weekend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:2113681e-be7e-4908-b9ea-7ad7b753ee81Post:0bf748db-a1d7-4908-9e26-b922fbaae0a9">Re: Had some wedding drama over the weekend</a>:
    [QUOTE]yeah, I'm sorry he's being a butt!!  My dad was around enough too...made some stupid decisions along the way (that I'm still upset over)...and he's still my dad...but I don't understand why he has to be a butt most of the time... Let it set in & then call...that way hopefully it won't be a screaming match...
    Posted by littlemoments324[/QUOTE]

    Good luck with your situation too!!!  I told FI that I just can't wait to be married and be in Aruba sipping cocktails on the beach and to be done with all of the family drama.
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  • Lol on a lighter note I have a funny story.  My dad shows up to my house with a huge bump on his right eye from falling off of a bike.  Well it turns out that he bought a bike with a motor on it because my stepmom got a dwi and will be losing her license next week for the next 7 months.  So she will be riding this bike with a motor on it back and forth to her job which is 20 minutes by car from their house everyday.  I can't stand her FI was joking saying that we should take a ride up to their house one week day to watch her ride her bike to work.  This is her 2nd dwi!!
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  • Sorry LADY! He does sound immature. That is totally not the kind of thing he should blurt out in front of a room full of ppl. That must have been embarrassing for you as well as everyone else there!

    Good for you for going with an ultimatum. It sounds like it is needed.
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  • WTF!  I guess family drama is par for the course with weddings.  I would definitely tell your dad it's all or nothing with regards to walking you down the aisle... it's not his decision.
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  • I am sorry Lady. Your dad should be happy about participating in your special day especially since you guys aren't very close. I hope everything works out for the best. BTW, I am right there with you about sipping cocktails on the beach we are both looking forward to that as well! :)
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  • Wow, that realls sucks.  He should be grateful you are even including him.  Don't worry!  This will be all be over soon and then you will be on your beach!
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  • That's so terrible! It's not about him; it's about what you want.

    And not to change the subject but using the word "gay" in a derogatory way just shows how incredibly immature your father is. Just tell him what you said - that he either walks you down with your stepfather or he doesn't participate - and that's it. Maybe then he will realize it's about you, not him.
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  • Sorry LDY, one would hope your dad would be man enough to do as you ask.  His wife sounds like a prize. 
  • I'm sorry, Lady! That sounds so frustrating! Your dad should feel honored that you want him to participate in walking you down the aisle. I agree with PP about the ultimatum-- I think that's the best way to handle the situation fairly. After all, it's YOUR day and you decide who walks you down the aisle. GL! 
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  • Gosh that's awful Carly, I'm so sorry. My parents divorced when I was a baby as well and my bio dad was pretty non-existent too. He just stopped calling when I was 17 so he's not even invited to the wedding, but I know that if I was forced to pick between making him happy and doing what I want (having my step-dad give me away) it be really hard. 

    And I agree with pp about the gay thing. What grown man repeatedly says that? It sounds like something a 14 year old boy would say. 
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  • Sorry you're having to deal with this Lady! Hopefully once you give him his ultimatum everything will work out like it's supposed to!! GL :
  • Father is def being immature. He sounds like he is too worried about image! My father and I are not close so I chose to have my son walk me down the isle and give me away because he is the most important man in my life other then FI
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  • Thanks for all of the kind words and advice everyone.  My father is definitely immature and he just lives in a different world than I do.  It is easier for me to say what is really on my mind over the phone with him.  So I am going to give it some time and then make the phone call we will see.
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  • Best of luck with everything!! It definitely sounds like your dad is on the immature side.

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  • I'm sorry to hear that, from what  I read he should be happy that you asked him to be there at all. Stand your ground and you make a choice that's going to make you happy on YOUR day.
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