Trying to include FI's family and friends (kind of long)

FKS

Hi ladies, this is my first time posting on this board and I have a couple of questions.  I live in NY with FI and the majority of his family & friends.  My family and friends are in KY, where we are getting married. Because the hosts of my shower and b-party are in KY, that is where the respective parties will be. My first question is, should they still send invites to his family and friends in NY, even though they likely won't be able to fly in for either party? I want them to know they are welcome and very important to me, but I also don't want to look gift-grabby or like I'm asking them to do too much.

My second question is, while I know I can't throw my own party, is there a way to celebrate with FI's family and friends in NY? I would like to have some kind of shower here just so that they feel included, but I cannot and will not ask someone to throw me a shower. I don't care the slightest about getting gifts - I just want these women that are becoming a bigger part of my life to know how much they mean to me, and have them share in the wedding festivities. Is there something I can do to show them this and have them feel included?  I'm concerned that since our wedding is in KY his family and friends will feel kind of left out of things. 

Thoughts?  TIA!

MairePoppy

It's sounds like you have a very good relationship with your FILs. In some families, the grooms close family members feel left out, if they don't receive them. In other families it is regarded as a hint for gifts if you know they won't be able to travel. Your FMIL will be able to advise you on that.

You could host a get together for fi's family before or after the wedding. Have a barbecue,  cocktail party or whatever. Just don't call it an engagement party, shower or bachelorette and you should be fine.

FKS

Good ideas, thanks MairePoppy!

trix1223

Of course you can have a get together with your FI's family.  But it doesn't have to be about the wedding.  It can be a dinner party, a cocktail party, a BBQ, a picnic, a game night, or a touch football game.

Just don't make it about the wedding!

As for the other:  your FMIL should be invited to your showers, whether she can come or not.  As for others:  I'd recommend running your question past your FMIL.  In our family, we NEVER issue invitations to people we know can't attend a function.  It's considered very poor manners and gift grabby.

So imagine my surprise when my DD's FMIL told us she was sending 15 "courtesy invitations" to her family members who wouldn't be able to attend.  Apparently in THEIR family people would get twitchy if they didn't receive an invitation.

FKS

Exactly!  See it's difficult because every family looks at it differently.  I think I will just ask FMIL and see what she thinks.  I really think it could go either way with his family.