Pre-wedding Parties

Everyone wants to throw me a bridal shower but...

DF and I have a 2 1/2 year old son together and have obviously been living together for several years.  Plus we are getting married in Hawaii just the two of us and then coming back and having a nice reception 2 weekends after that for the friends and family.  Both my aunt and sister think I should have a shower but I just can't decide if that's tacky considering the above.  Plus, having a shower implies that everyone has to buy a present which I definitely don't want to do!  On the other hand, the things we want to register for are patio chairs, pillows and a grill (among kitchen/bath/linens) which would not be something to just bring to a reception at a restaurant.

To make it more awkward my coworker mentioned getting together with other coworkers and either going to dinner or chipping in and getting us a present/giving us money.  I politely declined but I don't really think I can "stop" them.  I can't say that they are my favorite people either ;) and the reception is at a minimum so none of them are invited.

Sorry for the long post, I guess I just need some advice from someone who has been in a similar situation.  I don't want to offend anyone or make anyone feel obligated.  I am definitely not the type of person who wants any attention and I get embarrassed easily.

Re: Everyone wants to throw me a bridal shower but...

  • You can't invite anyone to a pre-wedding party that isn't invited to the wedding itself. So if you aren't inviting all these people to Hawaii, no bridal shower. You really shouldn't be having an at-home reception either. It implies that these people should come celebrate (and probably give a gift) when they weren't invited to the main event. It's a choice you make when you decide to run off and get married alone.

    You never put any mention of gifts on the invitation because it does imply that gifts are expected. 

    You can tell people all day not to get you anything, but you can't really stop them if they insist. You might want to make it clear that they are not invited to your party though and maybe they will change their minds. But some people just like to do nice things for others, so just be gracious if they still give you a gift. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_everyone-wants-throw-bridal-shower-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:19563c58-8f99-4d08-bcdb-c02c3000298fPost:89c1e9d4-0bac-470d-9fef-a01c67b91962">Everyone wants to throw me a bridal shower but...</a>:
    [QUOTE]DF and I have a 2 1/2 year old son together and have obviously been living together for several years. <strong> Plus we are getting married in Hawaii just the two of us and then coming back and having a nice reception 2 weekends after that for the friends and family.</strong>  Both my aunt and sister think I should have a shower but I just can't decide if that's tacky considering the above.  Plus, having a shower implies that everyone has to buy a present which I definitely don't want to do! 

    <em>You should skip the shower because  you are eloping and not inviting anyone to the wedding. The fact that you have a child or live together would not preclude you from having a shower. </em>

    On the other hand, the things we want to register for are patio chairs, pillows and a grill (among kitchen/bath/linens) which would not be something to just bring to a reception at a restaurant. <strong>If we don't have a shower is it polite to put on the bottom of the invitations "we are registered at ___" or is that also implying a gift is necessary? </strong>

    <em>Registry information should not be included in the reception invitation. Those that want the information will ask around or look it up on line. It's acceptable to include the registry information in <strong>shower</strong> invitations, because the invitations are not coming from you. </em>

    To make it more awkward my coworker mentioned getting together with other coworkers and either going to dinner or chipping in and getting us a present/giving us money.  I politely declined but I don't really think I can "stop" them.  I can't say that they are my favorite people either ;) and the reception is at a minimum so none of them are invited.

    <em>The work shower is an exception to the rule that all shower guests must be invited to the wedding. It is traditional in some work places to give a gift or shower to coworkers that are getting married. They don't expect to be invited to a wedding, especially an elopement. It's fine to accept this offer if you'd like.</em>

    Sorry for the long post, I guess I just need some advice from someone who has been in a similar situation.  I don't want to offend anyone or make anyone feel obligated.  I am definitely not the type of person who wants any attention and I get embarrassed easily.
    Posted by green6[/QUOTE]
                       
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