Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal shower worries....

So my MOH kinda took the back burner to my bridal shower and some of my bridesmaids had to step up.. Which is fine this is the short version and now my bridal shower is next Saturday and half the people haven't responded yet... The invites were sent a little over a week ago, and some important people can't come because it was so last minute. I kinda feel like its going to be me in an empty room and I'm really angry about everything that has happened. I almost feel like we should just cancel the event because I'm scared the restaurant might tell us there aren't enough people to open for us. I don't know who to react to how at this point and I'm losing it a little. Just for a quick synopsis, there was no last name on my shower invite, and the responses are supposed o go to my MOH via phone, but she is leaving on vacation tomorrow for 4 days, so unless she calls me international I won't know who to call to get RSVPs from : and to make it better there has been little to no communication going on w my BP. Like my mom bought favors and I had dinner w my MOH tonight an she had no idea she was going w one of my BM next week to get them... Should I just cancel it and forget it? Or should I express my discontent w my MOH? Or just let it go and hope it works out?

Re: Bridal shower worries....

  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2012
    Sorry that happened to you.  If it makes you feel any better my cousin is in a similar situation and her invites didn't have a date or time. Bridesmaids suck sometimes.  Just have the shower and try to enjoy it.  This close in I'm sure you would have to pay for the resturant anyway- even if you cancelled.  Might as well not waste the money.
     
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited April 2012
    Sorry your shower is such a disorganized mess. I don't think you should cancel if some of the guests have accepted the invitation. They may have bought gifts already and are looking forward to celebrating with you.

    What's going on with the bms that orgnaized the party? They should call all the guests that haven't answered, since they won't be able to RSVP to the number that was listed on the invitation. If your mom feels comfortable, she can help with the phone calls. Some of those invitees might be wondering Danielle WHO? since your last name wasn't on the invitation. When they have a headcount, they should call their contact at the restaurant and make sure that the restaurant will be able to work with your numbers.

    Your MOH wasn't obligated to throw a shower for you, so I hope no one pressured her into it. But if she volunteered and gave everyone the impression that she had it under control, until the last minute, shame on her. But you still shouldn't say anything to her.

    I hope everything works out for you. Good luck.
                       
  • "Your MOH wasn't obligated to throw a shower for you, so I hope no one pressured her into it. But if she volunteered and gave everyone the impression that she had it under control, until the last minute, shame on her. But you still shouldn't say anything to her."

    My MOH, was super excited and we started to plan I gave her the addresses and dates about 2 months ago. Then a month ago (after doing nothing) she had a problem with me expecting her to pay for it.... I told her, that no one expected that and that my mother was paying for it and had she CALLED my mom as I asked her to a MONTH before she would have known that, but I don't think I should have to  plan my own. She agreed being relieved that she didn't have to pay. Now a week away, I am pissed, my BMs are pissed, and I feel like a forgotten bride. Some of my BMs stood up and got part of the job done, but the damage has been done with some of the guests, that are family, that can't be undone, because they are pissed that they can't come up because of the short notice and are arguing and mad at me.

    And I know its in poor taste to say something about it but seriously, don't agree to something you don't want to do. If she had said something 2 months ago, then I would have said don't worry about it. But she was always happy to do it, but didn't actually do anything and I wasn't informed of that until one of my BM called me and said she sent 1 email and never responded to anything else about the Bridal Shower.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited April 2012
    Danielle- that's one of my pet peeves, too. It upsets me when someone doesn't follow through on a promise. Or makes commitments that they have no intention of keeping. I understand you being angry. I just don't think you have anything to gain by confronting her. And of course, no bride should plan her own shower.

    If you cancel the shower, will your mom get any deposits back? Could it be rescheduled for a day that's convenient for your VIPs. My main concern with cancelling is that some of those guest that have accepted the invitation and bought gifts may get the impression that their attendance at your shower doesn't mean as much to you as the guests who couldn't make it. Does that make sense to you?

    Truly, I hope things turn out better than you are expecting, right now.
                       
  • Word from my BMs was that my shower and the planning of it was a total clusterf**k.  My MOH didn't communicate very much to the other BMs.  The biggest bungle was that the invitations weren't sent out.  I think it was a week before the shower that my H said that no one in his family got invitations.  What happened was that my MOH was sending out the invitations in shifts and she dropped them off at the post office.  She told the woman at the post office that there would be more to mail out.  The imbicile at the post office held onto the invitations waiting for her to bring in the rest before she mailed them out.  There was a mad dash to send out new invitations, but in the end it was fine.

    Don't stress over it.  Your shower should be fun and the least of your worries.  It's just taking a little while for it to get off the ground.  Like PPs said, don't cancel it.  If space is an issue, maybe the venue will make adjustments for the smaller size.
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  • I confronted her via email totally not me to email because she's on her way out for vacation and she finally admitted to screwing up and said she still wants to be my MOH. Hopefully after this she can actually be there for me and do the right things, but the damage is done to my shower so I guess I should hope for the best and prey the venue doesn't cancel for lack of attendees! Thank you all for your advice it calmed me down alot :
  • In Response to Re:Bridal shower worries....:[QUOTE]Danielle that's one of my pet peeves, too. It upsets me when someone doesn't follow through on a promise. Or makes commitments that they have no intention of keeping. I understand you being angry. I just don't think you have anything to gain by confronting her. by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    I always jump through hoops for my friends, it just kills me that my wedding / shower were treated w such disrespect when any of the BM would have done it months ago if my MOH hadn't been so insistent. And now they are all mad too because of it.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-worries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:4f380a31-84d1-4a6a-b1b3-94fef9398b13Post:76c29256-2972-4f5b-93ba-9420825073db">Re: Bridal shower worries....</a>:
    [QUOTE]"Your MOH wasn't obligated to throw a shower for you, so I hope no one pressured her into it. But if she volunteered and gave everyone the impression that she had it under control, until the last minute, shame on her. But you still shouldn't say anything to her." My MOH, was super excited and we started to plan I gave her the addresses and dates about 2 months ago. Then a month ago (after doing nothing) she had a problem with me expecting her to pay for it.... I told her, that no one expected that and that my mother was paying for it and had she CALLED my mom as I asked her to a MONTH before she would have known that, but I don't think I should have to  plan my own.<strong> She agreed being relieved that she didn't have to pay. Now a week away, I am pissed, my BMs are pissed, and I feel like a forgotten bride. </strong>Some of my BMs stood up and got part of the job done, but the damage has been done with some of the guests, that are family, that can't be undone, because they are pissed that they can't come up because of the short notice and are arguing and mad at me. And I know its in poor taste to say something about it but seriously, don't agree to something you don't want to do. If she had said something 2 months ago, then I would have said don't worry about it. But she was always happy to do it, but didn't actually do anything and I wasn't informed of that until one of my BM called me and said she sent 1 email and never responded to anything else about the Bridal Shower.
    Posted by danielle807[/QUOTE]
    What happened between a month ago when she found out that your mother is paying for the shower, and now?



  • She sent invitations last week after my BMs bugged out when they found out nothing was done. She went as far as to tell me "I don't work well with others on these types of things" everyone thought something was done, until we figured out nothing was done.
  • That has got to be very stressful!  Like you don't have enough to worry about at this time!
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