Stag party was a huge hit!

lindsay5432

My fiance's stag was last night, and did it ever go well!  The groomsmen along w/ my father and my fiance's father rented a hall and donated several small gifts for the raffle (tools, gps, phones, man stuff) and we bought a nice bbq for the door prize.  The food was great and everyone had a blast with the raffles.

We made about $2000, which is a lot more than we expected.   That's going to go a long way towards helping with the wedding bills!

I was really suprised at the number of people who bought tickets that don't even know us -- friends of our uncles, our parents' co-workers, friends-of-friends.  Lots of people just wanted to get in on the party, the raffles and door prize!

Just wanted to share in case anyone was wondering whether it's worth having one, or has any questions about doing it. 

j_jaye

I live in another country and I have never ever heard of this. Is it for real? Does this really happen?

redheadtmk

sadly yes it happens. however it is frowned upon by respectable society. Please do not think that this is normal, acceptable, American behavior.

j_jaye

Thanks redheadtmk I understand completely!

lindsay5432

It's a normal part of the wedding process here (Ontario), although some people have a "Stag & Doe" instead and it's usually a bit more of a dance party type thing.   Everybody has them, it's just part of the tradition around here.

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-party-huge-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:728e89dc-7a9e-479b-afda-b3b953a63450Post:48bca607-a018-400a-aa2f-a37290a7a7bf">Re: Stag party was a huge hit!</a>:
[QUOTE]....must......not.....post......
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I can picture your hands contorting into cramping claws, as you struggle to stop your fingers from touching those keys : /

SuMmErKuTiE

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-party-huge-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:728e89dc-7a9e-479b-afda-b3b953a63450Post:a63bdf12-8962-46ec-9679-82345e6f6c45">Re: Stag party was a huge hit!</a>:
[QUOTE]sadly yes it happens. however it is frowned upon by respectable society. Please do not think that this is normal, acceptable, American behavior.
Posted by redheadtmk[/QUOTE]

Ditto this 100% And yet Americans are supposedly the rude ones..

Throwing a fundraiser party to help fund your wedding is beyond wrong and rude on a whole bunch of different levels. Nevermind inviting a bunch of people who are not even invited to the wedding just to make more money.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-party-huge-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:728e89dc-7a9e-479b-afda-b3b953a63450Post:c96d35ed-3aa3-4474-84a9-9530c0ce9dc4">Re: Stag party was a huge hit!</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a normal part of the wedding process here (Ontario), although some people have a "Stag & Doe" instead and it's usually a bit more of a dance party type thing.   Everybody has them, it's just part of the tradition around here.
Posted by lindsay5432[/QUOTE]

Just because some people do have them here in Ontario doesn't make them a part of the "normal wedding process" or acceptable. It's poor logic to say that because everyone you know has one, that it must be okay.

deepcovejackie

Yeah, no.

jaytee16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-party-huge-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:728e89dc-7a9e-479b-afda-b3b953a63450Post:1badf54e-414d-494f-be27-e3484bf2e071">Re: Stag party was a huge hit!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag party was a huge hit! : Ditto this 100% And yet Americans are supposedly the rude ones.. 
Posted by SuMmErKuTiE[/QUOTE]
<div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
<div>And yet you wrote this...I guess rude people live above AND below the border...</div><div>
</div></div>

LoveMuffins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-party-huge-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:728e89dc-7a9e-479b-afda-b3b953a63450Post:caf0c3cd-43f1-4f23-ac9d-8c034d83544f">Re: Stag party was a huge hit!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag party was a huge hit! : Just because some people do have them here in Ontario doesn't make them a part of the "normal wedding process" or acceptable. It's poor logic to say that because everyone you know has one, that it must be okay.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

It means that it's normal for some people, and everyone being rude to someone who's done something that is normal for their social group is also incredibly rude. She's offering a differing opinion, and I've seen posts where bride's families want them to have them, and so offering a different opinion from the majority isn't a crime.

Take note of the posters who realized that even though it's not something they approve of, that they don't need to be rude or insult her logic for posting a differing opinion.

SuMmErKuTiE

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-party-huge-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:728e89dc-7a9e-479b-afda-b3b953a63450Post:8928f2fd-b560-4c34-9149-6a7344305bfe">Re: Stag party was a huge hit!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag party was a huge hit! : And yet you wrote this...I guess rude people live above AND below the border...
Posted by jaytee16[/QUOTE]

Seriously?

How was stating that these parties which are HUGELY frowned upon on these boards is rude equates to me being rude? I love how overly defensive people get sometimes and then they're not even logical when trying to show their emotions.

The bottom line is these parties are extrememly rude and a huge breech of etiquette regardless of whether or not they're a tradition.

SuMmErKuTiE

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-party-huge-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:728e89dc-7a9e-479b-afda-b3b953a63450Post:b35aa590-87c5-4827-aff2-1c1635cd3f0e">Stag party was a huge hit!</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance's stag was last night, and did it ever go well!  The groomsmen along w/ my father and my fiance's father rented a hall and donated several small gifts for the raffle (tools, gps, phones, man stuff) and we bought a nice bbq for the door prize.  The food was great and everyone had a blast with the raffles. We made about $2000, which is a lot more than we expected.   That's going to go a long way towards helping with the wedding bills! I was really suprised at the number of people who bought tickets that don't even know us -- friends of our uncles, our parents' co-workers, friends-of-friends.  Lots of people just wanted to get in on the party, the raffles and door prize! Just wanted to share in case anyone was wondering whether it's worth having one, or has any questions about doing it. 
Posted by lindsay5432[/QUOTE]

LoveMuffins

Just to be devil's advocate, saying "And yet Americans are supposedly the rude ones" is a fairly snarky way of saying that you disapprove of what she's doing. Everything else you said was very even-handed, offering your opinion, but that one line did come off in a way that I don't think you quite meant it in. It basically makes it sound like you're calling all Canadians rude, and all Americans not-rude, based on this one thing, and I don't think you meant it that way, but I can see how it could be read that way.

jaytee16

Ditto this 100% And yet Americans are supposedly the rude ones..

This was what I commented on, not your opinion about the parties.  As for the rest of it, I'll echo what LoveMuffins said.

lindsay5432

Weddings come with all kinds of traditions that can be offensive or tacky depending who you are and where you come from.  I don't get very uptight about what others are doing, but some of the things people do are really nuts. 

Personally, I'm really offended by the idea of the father of the bride giving the bride away.  Will NOT be happening at my wedding.  That tradition makes me cringe -- in my world, a wedding is not a business deal between two men with the woman having no say in the matter!   How about raunchy bachelor/bachelorette parties?  Ick.  Tossing a garter -- why do all these men want to catch the bride's garter? And let's not even get into "to honor and obey"...

Really, you play the games you want and disregard the rest.   

SuMmErKuTiE

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-party-huge-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:728e89dc-7a9e-479b-afda-b3b953a63450Post:9b669ed0-87ba-436b-bbb4-24bb5f4552f3">Re: Stag party was a huge hit!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto this 100% And yet Americans are supposedly the rude ones.. This was what I commented on, not your opinion about the parties.  As for the rest of it, I'll echo what LoveMuffins said.
Posted by jaytee16[/QUOTE]

<div>I was by no means calling all Canadians rude. What I was trying to say was that the world thinks of Americans as selfish, lazy, and rude, but this tradition that a lot of Canadians think is ok is in fact very rude and a total breech of etiquette. I was trying to make a "joke" that we may be the rude ones but we know it's a huge etiquette faux paux to throw a party, charge people at the door, and even invite people who aren't invited to the wedding to come to what is basically a fundraiser for the wedding. </div>

lindsay5432

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-party-huge-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:728e89dc-7a9e-479b-afda-b3b953a63450Post:6d57c482-9877-49f0-b725-cc2580edab0a">Re: Stag party was a huge hit!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag party was a huge hit! : I was by no means calling all Canadians rude. What I was trying to say was that the world thinks of Americans as selfish, lazy, and rude, but this tradition that a lot of Canadians think is ok is in fact very rude and a total breech of etiquette. I was trying to make a "joke" that we may be the rude ones but we know<strong> it's a huge etiquette faux paux to throw a party, charge people at the door, and even invite people who aren't invited to the wedding to come to what is basically a fundraiser for the wedding</strong>. 
Posted by SuMmErKuTiE[/QUOTE]

I think you might be missing the point a little bit.  It is a fundraiser.  You make it sound like a big suprise - - like people are sent fancy invitations and then shocked when they have to pay for their meal. 

It's a community thing -- it's something everybody does for everybody.   Lots of people buy tickets and don't go -- they just want to help support the couple.  We even had fmil call the day after and say there was someone she ran into who wanted to buy a ticket (even though the stag was the day before) just because he was sorry he missed out and he wanted to contribute.   Maybe its just that some of us Canucks are just very kind and quick to rally around a young couple, especially if it's an excuse to get together and drink beer <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

RebeccaB88

I tried sitting on my hands to keep from saying that it's just rude no matter which side of the border you are on.  But yeah... you see how well that worked out. 

My friends support us and our wedding, and we don't even have to extort money from them to get them to do it.  Novel idea.

Another novel idea (that won't get you flamed on the boards); pay for it yourselves.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-party-huge-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:728e89dc-7a9e-479b-afda-b3b953a63450Post:02be60d8-9d5f-4551-82d0-f134fafa1d65">Re: Stag party was a huge hit!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag party was a huge hit! : It means that it's normal for some people, and everyone being rude to someone who's done something that is normal for their social group is also incredibly rude. She's offering a differing opinion, and I've seen posts where bride's families want them to have them, and so offering a different opinion from the majority isn't a crime. Take note of the posters who realized that even though it's not something they approve of, that they don't need to be rude or insult her logic for posting a differing opinion.
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

Disagreeing with someone does not automatically make someone rude. It is poor logic to assume that because one social group does something, that makes it acceptable. That's a fact, I'm not insulting anyone's logic but correcting it.

It's a cliche, but it's also true; if everyone was jumping off a bridge, does that mean you should too? Social groups should not always be able to set the norms- I'm sure you'd agree if "stag and doe" was replaced by something else. It is a fundraiser, and a post that someone raised so much money from her stag fundraiser for her wedding is going to illicite responses which disagree with the OP. It doesn't matter where you're from- if you want to have a party, then have a party. But don't throw one in order to have people help pay for your wedding.

Note that I'm disagreeing with you here- regardless of whether I'm in the minority or majority, that doesn't make me rude.

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-party-huge-hit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:728e89dc-7a9e-479b-afda-b3b953a63450Post:3393012b-f73d-4b04-ab2b-691f30319a16">Re: Stag party was a huge hit!</a>:
[QUOTE]Weddings come with all kinds of traditions that can be offensive or tacky depending who you are and where you come from.  I don't get very uptight about what others are doing, but some of the things people do are really nuts.  Personally, I'm really offended by the idea of the father of the bride giving the bride away.  Will NOT be happening at my wedding.  That tradition makes me cringe -- in my world, a wedding is not a business deal between two men with the woman having no say in the matter!   How about raunchy bachelor/bachelorette parties?  Ick.  Tossing a garter -- why do all these men want to catch the bride's garter? And let's not even get into "to honor and obey"... Really, you play the games you want and disregard the rest.   
Posted by lindsay5432[/QUOTE]
As much as I hate Hate HATE the idea of fundraisers for weddings and soliciting funds for one's own nuptuals, I think you have a point.

I think this debate speaks a lot to cultural differences.  Canada is not the US.  Not that all Canadians think alike or all Americans think alike, but as a general statement, we do think of these things differently. 

As Americans, we get drilled into our heads the values of independence and individuality, and anything that even comes close to a collectivist (socialist) mindset we are taught to abhor.   We think of fundraisers as appropriate for charities and causes for people who have needs rather than wants.  So many of us (myself included) tend to look at stag and does as greedy and entitled.  And if an American decided to throw one, in a society that does not embrace this tradition at all, it would in fact be greedy and entitled.

On the other hand, in Canada, the idea of communalism is embraced or at least accepted a bit more than it is in the United States.  Stag and does, to those social circles in Canada who practice them, are ways to share in resources and give to others in the community for something they may want (i.e. a nice wedding).  There doesn't have to necessarily be a payoff (i.e. a wedding invite) for those who are contributing beyond having a great time with other members of the community.   Again, this doesn't mean that every Canadian feels this way, of course.  But maybe that's where the disconnect is coming from.

[Deleted User]

Where I live, stag and does, buck and does, stags, etc... are completely acceptable, fun and very, very common parties before a wedding.

Some people look forward to going to a couple's stag and doe, even if they aren't invited to the wedding. It's a party, a night out where you can play games, dance, socialize, etc., all while supporting the bride and groom.

I think it's terrible to call all Canadians selfish or rude. Stag and doe parties, and people who support them want to HELP each other out with the cost. They don't HAVE to, but they want to. It's a very nice gesture to support a stag and doe, and it's a great reason to party with friends and support the couple whether you're going to their wedding or not.

It is the year 2011, and most of the wedding etiquette we still follow today really shouldn't apply. Do what suits you and your fiance, and what your families and friends support. It's just a wedding, not a law. Relax.

Congrats on making money at your stag!