Shower and Bach. Party... MOH issues.

jyoung888

MOH was supposed to throw both parties. I have 4 other Bridesmaids, and she wasn't really including them in the planning (especially 1, because she doesn't like her).

My Out-of-Town BM is coming home on April 1st. My mom offered to throw the shower so that my Out-of-Town BM could attend (she cannot attend anything else except for the rehearsal & wedding). When I mentioned this to my MOH... she freaked. This day works for all my bridesmaids, my mom, myself and my MOH. I don't understand what the issue is.

Also for my Bach. Party, MOH wanted to host it at a Hotel, and go "Bar Hopping" in the city. I would much rather have a "slumber party" type feel at my house, and go to the local bar, so everyone could attend without breaking their banks. This also made my MOH angry also. I don't understand the problem. All of my bridesmaids, including the MOH are on budgets.

My MOH is a single mom of 2. She just bought a new car. She works ridiculous amounts of overtime. Needless to say we don't get to see each other as often as we did when she worked where I do. She makes it a point to make me feel bad for hanging out with my other girl-friends and BM's. I don't think that I should feel like I'm cheating on friends by visiting with other friends.

I'm just so stressed with all the drama. I just want to get married, and I don't want my Bridesmaids to kill each other.

hlq2011

Your MOH is planning the party, which means she decides what to do.  It's nice if she takes your input, but you can't force it on her.  You can either run with what she's planned, or decline the party.

Regarding the shower, what exactly did she freak out about?  Has she already planned your shower, and now you're trying to change things?  If so, you need to back off.  It's nice of your mom to offer, but if your MOH has already planned something, decline your mom's suggestion.

rknox88

Since your MOH offered to host the parties she gets to make the decisions. If you really don't like the hotel idea decline the offer. I was in a similar situation-my MOH is planning exactly what you mentioned. It is not my cup of tea but I would rather suck it up for a night (and I will probably end up having fun) than hurt her feelings. Sometimes concessions need to be made.

As for the shower, your mom could always host one on that date and your MOH could host one on another date-just split up the guest list. Did you ask MOH why she was opposed to the date your mom proposed?

It sounds like she just wants to make this special for you and doesn't want to relinquish control-I get that.

Honestly, if I were you I would just suck it up. Go out to lunch with your OOT BM who will only be in your town that one weekend. You can still hang out without having a shower.

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-bach-party-moh-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:88c981e8-1f4c-4aef-bac0-4c258b94fefePost:42e4137f-bef2-46df-a48c-2d22a22ab308">Re: Shower and Bach. Party... MOH issues.</a>:
[QUOTE]If your MOH is planning the bachelorette party, then she gets to plan it how she sees fit. Granted, it would be nice if she takes your ideas into account, but at the end of the day she is the one doing the 'throwing.' Maybe she has worked really hard on her ideas for the party. If you don't like the party she planned, you can always decline it. You have told her your ideas, now you have to let go.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

This. And I would also add that if she is expecting the other BMs to pitch in and they can't because their budget doesn't allow them to, then they should be completely upfront about that. No one should feel like they are going into debt over this and they really shouldn't allow your MOH to steamroll them into something they can't afford. So unless your MOH is willing to foot the whole bill, then you may just end up with the kind of party you want anyways.

jyoung888

Thanks for all the input.

Talked to the MOH today. We are fabulous... (talked about non-wedding stuff of course, and what was up with her... she's just stressed about other things).


She's fine with Mom doing the Shower... my girls are helping her out, including the MOH.


And all of the girls are collectively throwing a local bachelorette.


Win win!


But tomorrow is ALL ABOUT MY BFF/MOH! ITS HER BIRTHDAY, I AM SO EXCITED!