Pre-wedding Parties

engagement party

My future inlaws insist on throwing us an engagement party since we got engaged in Oct. and our wedding is not until June of next year.  They are not very wealthy, so I was hesitiant at first, but as I said, they are insisting because they really want to throw a party to celebrate us.  (I tried the "just give us money for our wedding/honeymoon/gift" they are not budging - they said this is a milestone in our lives and they are doing it for us, period.) To cut on costs i wanted to do an evite and have a cocktail party with apps and finger foods, then a cake at the end. I don't think this is rude by any means because I know most of our friends and family would prefer an email invite and a party like this.  I am stuck because we do want to include where we are registered on the invitations, but since it is such a casual party I don't want people to feel obligated to bring gifts. How do I word this? I know that there will be people that will want to, and will bring gifts even if I say not too...but I also know that they will not be gifts that we need/want if they do not know where we are registered. HELP! I

Re: engagement party

  • edited December 2011
    Ditto Retreat. Exactly.
  • edited December 2011
    1. Your future in-laws are hosting the party, not you.  It's up to them to pick out and send invitations.

    2. It's rude and gift-grabby to include registry info with the e-party or wedding invites.

    3. It was also very forward of you to tell your FILs to just give you money instead of throwing a party.
  • Chrash101810Chrash101810 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you for the responses.  I do not plan to put the registry info on the invites. But just to be clear...
    1. My FIL ASKED my fiance and I to pick out invitations and I suggested to use evites to be easier (money wise) on them - they are not computer savy, and asked for us to take care of it.  They were also the ones to ask how to word our invites - in regards to the registry.
    2. I have gone to 7 engagement parties in my adult life, i have NEVER gone empty handed, I have always gotten the gift off of their registry, which was listed on the invite 4 out of 7 of the times.
    3. I did not tell my FIL to give me money.  I told them I appreciated there offer so much, but it is going to be expensive and time-consuming to plan and I didn't want to bother them with it.  When they responded that it is something that they wanted to do for us my fiance said "what about putting money towards the wedding or the honeymoon?" it was a simple suggestion from us to them so they wouldnt be spending as much money because we didnt think they realized how much they would be spending on this.
    Again I appreciate the responses, and I will not be putting registry information on the evite.  My friends and family are overly generous and wonderful people, so I suppose I am coming from a place where an engagement party with gifts is the norm.  I would NEVER even think of going to an engagement party for people I love without a gift that I know they would love as well.  I agree because of the informality of the invitation and the party that it is inappropriate.  I do not think I should be made to feel like I am being rude, "foward", or over stepping my boundairs to help my future mother-in-law.  I do not know the formalities of planning all of these things, I was looking for friendly advice.
  • edited December 2011
    I think it is great that ur future inlaws are so excited for u!  I wish mine were the same.  I have never heard of not bringing a gift, although u are all right in saying that gift information should not be given in an invite.  It should be spread by word of mouth, so tell your inlaws where u register and tell them to spread the word if it comes up in conversation which it will.  Good luck and have fun!
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