Why Am I Expected to Plan My Own Shower?

pandapants84

So, ever since I asked my future sister in law to be my MOH, she has expressed excitement about planning the bridal showe. We are getting married in July so she was saying she wouldn't need to start planning until this year, giving her 6 months to plan. However, Janurary is quickly ending and she hasn't done anything. Everytime we speak she talks about how the shower will be fun and then makes vauge comments about how we could do a afternoon tea or how she found cute invites, and my mom keeps asking me what I would like us to do for the shower, but the aren't talking to each other. And neither seems to know who would pay for what. My parents are paying for the whole wedding, so I am a little annoyed that my MOH expected them to do the shower as well. I know she has a spending problem (a fact I have become more aware of over the past year) so now I'm worried she hasn't saved any money for it.
 One of my other bridesmaids has been sending everyone websites of possible locations and has expensive taste but doesn't seem to expect to put any money in.
I'm tired of all the sitting around, talking about it & acting like we have all the time in the world. I sent them all a group e-mail saying "Hey, talk to each other" so they can all be on the same page but they are still acting helpless, saying things like "Well, I don't know what weekends all the girls are free", they have each others' contact info, why can't they think, "Oh maybe I should ask them?" They seem to expect me to provide them with all the information but I have the rest of the wedding to plan (I have recieved little help from MOH or mom with the real planning). They all say they want to have a shower, then why can't 4 grown women plan one party?

HappinessByTheKilowatt

I understand your frustration. Really. Adults who can't act like adults are aggravating.

Generally, the shower is thrown 6-8 weeks before the wedding. Planning it six months out is probably excessive. Give them some time to figure it out, and stop responding to shower questions. Just reply with, "I'm sure whatever you ladies come up with will be lovely" and stay out of it. You should have nothing to do with it. Keep reinforcing that point, and then change the subject.

Your MOH's spending habits are none of your business. If her spending habits mean you don't get a shower, then, that's life. You aren't entitled to one. It's a gift from someone close to you.

Believe me. If any of them want to throw you a shower, they will figure it out on their own.

loop0406

If your wedding is in July, I'm not sure why you're stressed at the b shower right now, most aren't done until a month before and sometimes even a few weeks before wedding.

mgietler76

You're worrying about this way too soon! My wedding is in March and my MOH threw together a shower in the matter of a few weeks.

There are so many other things I could comment on but I'll leave it at this.

mgietler76

Actually I do feel like commenting on all of it

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_am-expected-plan-own-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:ceef887a-1865-4c6f-8430-694459471e05Post:07c9739d-acea-45f3-964d-6d260ad9dc18">Why Am I Expected to Plan My Own Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, ever since I asked my future sister in law to be my MOH, she has expressed excitement about planning the bridal showe. We are getting married in July so she was saying she wouldn't need to start planning until this year, giving her 6 months to plan. However, Janurary is quickly ending and she hasn't done anything. <strong>She still has plenty of time!</strong>

Everytime we speak she talks about how the shower will be fun and then makes vauge comments about how we could do a afternoon tea or how she found cute invites, and my mom keeps asking me what I would like us to do for the shower, but the aren't talking to each other. <strong>Again, 6 months! They are probably just feeling you out to see what you would be interested in.</strong>

And neither seems to know who would pay for what. My parents are paying for the whole wedding, so I am a little annoyed that my MOH expected them to do the shower as well. I know she has a spending problem <strong>Totally none of your business
</strong>
(a fact I have become more aware of over the past year) so now I'm worried she hasn't saved any money for it. <strong>She shouldn't have to save money to do something NOT required of her</strong> 

One of my other bridesmaids has been sending everyone websites of possible locations and has expensive taste but doesn't seem to expect to put any money in. I'm tired of all the sitting around, talking about it & acting like we have all the time in the world. I sent them all a group e-mail saying "Hey, talk to each other" so they can all be on the same page but they are still acting helpless, saying things like "Well, I don't know what weekends all the girls are free", they have each others' contact info, why can't they think, "Oh maybe I should ask them?" They seem to expect me to provide them with all the information but I have the rest of the wedding to plan (I have received little help from MOH or mom with the real planning<strong> Nobody is required to help you plan your wedding, you're an adult plan it yourself</strong>).

They all say they want to have a shower, then why can't 4 grown women plan one party?<strong>Maybe they are planning it but are annoyed with you micro-managing the shower with your little group emails, and besides you have 6 months! I'm not sure if I mentioned that or not, but showers usually take place within a month of the wedding. Or maybe she decided not to throw you a shower at all?</strong>
Posted by pandapants84[/QUOTE]

rknox88

There is 6 months until your wedding-there is plenty of time to figure out a shower.

Also, you are not entitled to a shower so stop worrying about it. If it happens it happens-if not then you don't get one.

trix1223

I don't think you are expected to plan your own shower.  I think you FEEL like you should, but you shouldn't.  Your wedding is 6 months away.  Our DD's shower wasn't even discussed until about 12 weeks before her wedding.  Nothing was finalized until about 8 weeks before, and invites were sent out 7 weeks before the shower (which was 4 weeks before the wedding.)

BlueBoxBride

I wouldn't worry about it. A family friend offered to plan my shower, and I think it only took her a few weeks. It shouldn't take as long to plan a shower as it does a wedding. You can usually find plenty of nice restaurants to book a private party in about a month's notice. Invitations can be ordered online and delivered in about a week to send out.

allisonkbye

depending on where you are from, i would be concerned of location of shower being booked soon -because you only have it 2 months before the wedding does not mean you start planning it 2 months and 1 week before the wedding. a location my mom is booking only has two weekends left in september to have it, so why would she wait until august to book it? i would keep working on them at least booking something, then everything else will fall into place