Pre-wedding Parties

Who do we invite to the shower?

So I'm pretty sure my fiance wants to be part of the shower, which is perfectly fine with me.  But does that mean I should invite men to the party as well as the women?  That would mean I would basically have everyone invited to the wedding at my shower as well, which I think will be too much. 

Also I know the people who are out of state will not be coming to the shower, should I invite them anyway?

Thanks for the help!!!

Re: Who do we invite to the shower?

  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Shower invitations should go only to those who are nearest and dearest.  You don't have to, nor should you, invite every woman invited to the wedding:  or in your case, every guest invited to the wedding.

    Example:  DD had a guest list of just about 100.  Her shower was for about 20-22 people.  Same with DIL's shower.

    As for inviting OOT people?  Check with your mom and FMIL on that one.  In our family, it's considered very poor form to invite someone to a shower when you know they can't/won't attend.  It's considered the height of being gift grabby.

    But, for our DD's shower, her FMIL gave a guest list with "courtesy invitations".  In their family, it is considered very rude not to send an invite to every party/shower/etc.  In her family, people would get in a snit if they heard about a shower that they couldn't attend, but weren't invited to nonetheless.

    So check on how your respective families handle that issue.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    Just because your FI is going to attend the shower, I still feel that it should just be the women invited. Any woman should be invited that is on your wedding guest list.  However, do not invited anyone that is not invited to the wedding. Your FI can still be involved since it is technically his gifts too but I would keep the rest of it traditional otherwise it might get to be too much.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It's nice that your fi wants to attend the shower. You could go either way with the guest list. Make it coed or have a traditional shower with women. You don't have to invite every wedding guest to the shower.

    I ditto what Trix said about the oot guests. Certain close relatives on my side of the family would be insulted if they didn't get a courtesy invitation. On my husbands side of the family, it would be regarded as a gift grab. Best to check with the MOB and MOG on that.
                       
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_invite-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:fee69c00-ac8a-4bd5-93a8-81cfab8a8a8aPost:1be6a0af-39ea-4756-a28c-2fe40874cb94">Re: Who do we invite to the shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just because your FI is going to attend the shower, I still feel that it should just be the women invited.<strong> Any woman should be invited that is on your wedding guest list. </strong> However, do not invited anyone that is not invited to the wedding. Your FI can still be involved since it is technically his gifts too but I would keep the rest of it traditional otherwise it might get to be too much.
    Posted by erinlynnmccrea[/QUOTE]

    No.  You don't have to invite, nor should you invite, every woman on the guest list.   Showers are meant to be small, intimate gatherings.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    I'm not hosting, but it will prob take place at my house.  As long as I just invite family and close friends I think it will be a managable party

    Thanks for everyone's help.  I think I got it now :)
  • bluedaisy2001bluedaisy2001 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe I'm confused but if you're having the party at your house and doing the inviting how are you NOT hosting?
  • bluedaisy2001bluedaisy2001 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh where I'm from it would NEVER EVER be held in the brides house, even the moms house is frowned on.  That's just where I'm from I guess and of all the showers I've been to I've never been invited by the bride...it's usually the MOH.  Guess it's just a regional thing.
  • edited December 2011

    Sorry, I'm not actually doing the invites, just trying to put the lsit together for my MOH.  Still nto sure if it will actually take place at my house or not.  Right now my list is around 20 people, which still seems like a lot for my house.  Its proving VERY difficult trying to widdle down the list :(

    Even if I just go with family of the bride and groom and my bridesmaids it'll be about 15 people, so I feel like its not worth decreasing the list only by 5 people if it means my other friends won't be invited.

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