Registering and Gifts

Shower drama

My MOH is planning a shower for my local friends and my FI's side of the family. My mom is hosting a shower in my hometown for my side of the family. My FMIL was very specific in making sure all of her friends and family were invited to the wedding. When reviewing the list of invitees for the shower she had me remove all of her friends and family except for herself and my FI's aunts because she "did not expect anyone to have to buy a gift for the shower" my MOH and other bridesmaids think that they should invite these women anyway. I am not sure what to do?

Re: Shower drama

  • Please respect your FMIL's wishes.  She may feel that her friends will perceive an invitation to a bridal shower for someone they don't know well as gift grabby, not want them to feel obligated to give both a shower and wedding gift or have various other reasons for not wanting to invite them.

    All women who are invited to the wedding don't have to automatically get a shower invitation.  Let your WP know that it's okay not to invite FMIL's friends and extended family.
  • Honestly, if they're your FMILs friends and she doesn't want to invite them...I wouldn't.  That's just my opinion and I don't know if it's correct, but not every female guest from the wedding list has to be invited to the showers, and if it's going to cause drama with FMIL it might just be a better idea to drop it.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member

    Your shower should only include your closest friends and family.  Inviting everyone invited to the wedding does come off as gift grabby.  If these are FMIL's friends and you don't have independent relationships with them, they don't belong on the shower guest list. 

  • Also, is it possible that your FMIL is very old school?

    When my mom's cousin was getting married, his mother, my great aunt who lived in Ireland until she was a young adult refused to give the names of family for a shower.  She considered them to be a form of extortion.  Is it possible that FMIL feels similarly?


  • Agree, if FMIL does not want them invited then respect her request.
  • If she doesn't want to invite them that wish should be respected.  Your shower should be the people you are closest to and know the best.  It appears your FMIL agrees with this and does not want to invite bunch of people you don't know or that FI isn't closely related to.
  • I agree with everyone. If she doesn't want to invite them, don't invite them, because it does indeed look gift grabby. I was adamant that I wanted a small shower because I didn't want my parents' friends who I see once in 5 years if I'm lucky being invited. All of my aunts aren't even invited, same with cousins. 

    My SIL was thrown the traditional Pirata family shower with all the aunts, cousins and parents' friends, most of whom she did not know.  She said she was very grateful but she felt very awkward. Respect your MIL's wishes on this.
    Crosswalk
  • In Response to Re: Shower drama:
    I appreciate all of the advice I agree that I should repect her wishes. I never expected all females that were invited to the wedding to be invited to a shower, however I just worry when some family members live together in the same house and she only wants to invite some of them. I feel that if you are not going to invite everyone one fromthat household, invite no one at all.
    Posted by hgahagan
    Well it is apparent you FMIL does not feel the same way. FMIL must have her reasons for making this request. Maybe she was told that some poeple do not want to go to your shower, maybe she knows someone can't afford to buy a shower & wedding gift in this tough economy.  Obviously there are things FMIL knows about that she does not feel the need to share with you. Really there will be no drama if you just respect her request and let it go at that.
  • Up until that last post you made I was agreeing with everyone else... if your FMIL does not want certain friends of hers invited just don't invite them b/c it is true that not everyone who is on your guestlists needs to get an invite a shower. BUT...

    1. IF you happen to have 2 different showers throughout your engagement, or showers from different sides of the family and all of the females on your guest lists are invited at one point or another that is NOT being gift grabby. Being gift grabby is when you invite people to your showers who are NOT invited to your wedding ceremony itself.

    2. I can see your point because if you send out invites to a shower to certain individuals and exclude other individuals within the same household or family, others may be offended by this and the ones you invited may be offended that their other family members weren't invited as well and believe it or not this reflects upon YOU, not your FMIL. So I would suggest sitting down with her and discussing the issue again, at least to make some wiser decisions and invites and include all family members if your gonna include one.
  • Lo411Lo411
    10 Comments
    member
    Whewwww! Boy can these things be stressful! I'm glad you guys resolved that! :-)
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