Registry and Gift Forum

XP Bridal Shower

My wedding is May 18, 2013.  So my mom has generously offered to host my bridal shower because my bp can't afford to.  My grandma is in Florida 5 months of the year(dec-apr).  My mom obviously wants to do the shower before she leaves.  She set the date for Sept 23.  FI mom and family will not go because apparently 8ish months before the wedding is too early.  They have been giving me the run around for a while about different reasons why they will not be there.  Finally got the answer.  Apparently they want to throw me a shower closer to the wedding.  I live in MA, closer to the wedding is wintertime with the snow that could happen.  I do not want 2 showers.  I don't want it to look like its a my family thing and then a his family thing.  Plus I hate surprise showers which is what I think his mom wants me to have.  I work in retail, I have to give at least 1 month notice for a time off request.  What would you guys do?
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Re: XP Bridal Shower

  • I agree with PP.  2 months is standard.  Anything earlier than 4 months feels waaaaaaay early to me.  I'm sorry if your grandma can't be there if it's during the winter months, but it's not likely that everybody will be able to make it no matter what date you pick.
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  • I agree, 8 months is too early. I would side-eye an invite for a shower 8 months out. I get not wanting 2 showes, but if his family wants to throw you one, what is the harm? Have your FI express how you don't want a surprise one. I don't see it as a family sides thing, but as what works for everyone.
    I personally, would try to find a date that works fo everyone.
  • Eight months out is pretty early for a shower, but if that's what you and your mom want to do, I would just plan to have two showers.  I get not wanting to have two showers--I didn't even want one, although it turned out to be nice--but you are joining this family, and if they'd like to throw you a shower, I don't think you should decline if the only reason is that you don't want 2 showers.  

    Tell your FMIL that you at least need to know the date for your own planning purposes.  I would definitely invite both mothers to both showers, and perhaps the grandmothers, too, even though your grandma will be in Florida for the second shower.
  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
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    edited April 2012
    I have to agree with FI's family. 8 months is way way too early for a shower. If his family wants to throw you a shower graciously accept it.
     
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  • If you want some reasoning for why 8 months is too early - many of your guests likely won't even know the wedding date that far in advance, so being invited to a shower (where they'll feel they need to bring a gift) before even knowing there's a wedding is a little rude. 

    If you don't want two showers, but want your fiance's family included, I'd try and get a date closer to the wedding. Will you grandma be in town maybe the week leading up to the wedding? You could throw together a casual luncheon for your close family and bridal party, that way she can be included.
  • I also agree that 8 months out is too early.  I'm getting married on May 18th of this year and my parents spend November - April in Florida, so had a similar situation as you.  My parents came back just in time for my shower this past weekend.  I don't think it's unreasonable to have a shower 3 weeks before the wedding - could that be an option for you?
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