Wedding Bank Account for (pre-wedding) gifts?

kpachla

Hi All - 

Recently engaged here (yesterday!) and already starting to get a jump on things, which after 5 1/2 years of being together means we've already thought about a lot of things and now are just getting them enacted!

My fiancée's mom has a lot of friends that are interested in giving gifts and contributing to the wedding but without guidance would simply send miscellaneous congratulations and gifts both before and for the wedding.

We've decided that we're going to open a bank account that they can just transfer money into the account (their suggestion actually) and that we can then use as our wedding account.  We want it to be intuitive and easy to put money in because many of the friends are not computer savvy.

We're leaning toward a service like SmartyPig (which I've used in the past with success) but are open to other ideas.

Have any of you done something like this before? Is this too non-traditional? (We're rather non-traditional anyway, but TOO much might give pause).

Thanks in advance!

meganb1977

I'm not sure you really need to use a service.  Especially if they're going to charge fees?  From my experience people who wanted to give a cash gift sent a check.  A separate wedding account is a good idea to help you keep track of things but you maybe you could just set one up at your local bank and deposit cash or checks there.

artbyallie

I agree with megan. It's 'intuitive and easy' to send you a check. Make a joint account with both your names on it so you can both deposit them and leave it at that. It would be weird and rude to publicize that account so people can give you money. They'll give you money anyway, so just don't bring it up. Quietly and graciously accept their checks, send thank you notes, and deposit the money.

jessicabessica

Is there something non-intuitive about writing a check, putting it in an envelope, and mailing it, or removing cash from a wallet and handing it to someone?

Avion22

I agree -- you don't need to give them access to your account so they can electronically transfer it to you.  If they want to give you money, they will write you a check.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-bank-account-for-pre-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7b3bcc14-be35-4266-a7c8-c303905b78d9Post:46b7ca70-8bf2-4064-9572-0759bc8ac884">Wedding Bank Account for (pre-wedding) gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All -  Recently engaged here (yesterday!) and already starting to get a jump on things, which after 5 1/2 years of being together means we've already thought about a lot of things and now are just getting them enacted! My fiancée's mom has a lot of friends that are interested in giving gifts and contributing to the wedding but without guidance would simply send miscellaneous congratulations and gifts both before and for the wedding. We've decided that we're going to open a bank account that they can just transfer money into the account (their suggestion actually) and that we can then use as our wedding account.  We want it to be intuitive and easy to put money in because many of the friends are not computer savvy. We're leaning toward a service like SmartyPig (which I've used in the past with success) but are open to other ideas. Have any of you done something like this before? Is this too non-traditional? (We're rather non-traditional anyway, but TOO much might give pause). Thanks in advance!
Posted by kpachla[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The problem is not that it's non-traditional.  The problem is that it is incredibly rude and inappropriate.  The cash registry idea is even worse.</div><div>
</div><div>If someone wants to give you money, they will write you a check or hand you cash.  

</div>

Mstellah

As a quick side note- you'll likely get harassed into oblivion for even considering a cash option on TK. I understand what you're really asking (what is a user friendly way for individuals to donate to your wedding fund) and definitely do not find that incredibly rude nor inappropriate. For those that have expressed interest in providing you with cash, perhaps set up a PayPal acct for them to directly deposit funds into.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-bank-account-for-pre-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7b3bcc14-be35-4266-a7c8-c303905b78d9Post:14932d68-2889-4ef3-a2d9-790ae068c6e6">Re: Wedding Bank Account for (pre-wedding) gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]As a quick side note- <strong>you'll likely get harassed into oblivion</strong> for even considering a cash option on TK. I understand what you're really asking (what is a user friendly way for individuals to donate to your wedding fund) and definitely do not find that incredibly rude nor inappropriate. For those that have expressed interest in providing you with cash, perhaps set up a PayPal acct for them to directly deposit funds into.
Posted by Mstellah[/QUOTE]

<div>Pointing out that something is rude is not harassment.  You should probably look harassment up in the dictionary, because you obviuosly have no idea what it means.  </div><div>
</div><div>People on this board are proponents of etiquette, but more importantly, they are here to help brides.  Part of helping is to discourage people from embarrassing themselves, by saying the things that family and friends will never say to your face. </div><div>
</div><div>Encouraging her to open a paypal account is just encouraging her to make a fool of herself.  The sort of person that gives that kind of advice is the sort of person that convinces you to wear a costume to a non-costume cocktail party.  </div>

Mstellah

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-bank-account-for-pre-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:7b3bcc14-be35-4266-a7c8-c303905b78d9Post:493099a6-261c-4f09-8c81-1425872e84ae">Re: Wedding Bank Account for (pre-wedding) gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Bank Account for (pre-wedding) gifts? : Pointing out that something is rude is not harassment.  You should probably look harassment up in the dictionary, because you obviuosly have no idea what it means.   People on this board are proponents of etiquette, but more importantly, they are here to help brides.  Part of helping is to discourage people from embarrassing themselves, by saying the things that family and friends will never say to your face.  Encouraging her to open a paypal account is just encouraging her to make a fool of herself.  The sort of person that gives that kind of advice is the sort of person that convinces you to wear a costume to a non-costume cocktail party.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]



Um, ok and you obviously need to re-read the original post - she wasn't asking for your opinion.

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-bank-account-for-pre-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7b3bcc14-be35-4266-a7c8-c303905b78d9Post:231f9c9c-822e-4e65-8693-1239eadfabb9">Re: Wedding Bank Account for (pre-wedding) gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Bank Account for (pre-wedding) gifts? : Um, ok and you obviously need to re-read the original post - she wasn't asking for your opinion.
Posted by Mstellah[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually, when you post on a public message board, you do get people's opinions.  If you don't want people's opinions, then don't post.  </div><div>
</div><div>OP, previous posters are right--people will write checks if they want to give you money.  You don't really need to set up a separate account to do this, and any indication of asking for money is considered rude.</div>

Summer2011Bride

Ditto most of the PPs. Asking for cash is rude. I would be so turned off and offended by someone saying, "Hey, if you want to give us money, here's our bank account info." Yuck. Plenty of wedding guests will give cash/money and know how to do it by writing a check or giving hard cash. It's pretty simple.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-bank-account-for-pre-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:7b3bcc14-be35-4266-a7c8-c303905b78d9Post:14932d68-2889-4ef3-a2d9-790ae068c6e6">Re: Wedding Bank Account for (pre-wedding) gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]As a quick side note- you'll likely get harassed into oblivion for even considering a cash option on TK. I understand what you're really asking (what is a user friendly way for individuals to donate to your wedding fund) and definitely do not find that incredibly rude nor inappropriate. For those that have expressed interest in providing you with cash, perhaps set up a PayPal acct for them to directly deposit funds into.
Posted by Mstellah[/QUOTE]

Actually, I was wondering if I was stilll on ther knot when I head the question.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-bank-account-for-pre-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7b3bcc14-be35-4266-a7c8-c303905b78d9Post:231f9c9c-822e-4e65-8693-1239eadfabb9">Re: Wedding Bank Account for (pre-wedding) gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Bank Account for (pre-wedding) gifts? : Um, ok and you obviously need to re-read the original post - she wasn't asking for your opinion.
Posted by Mstellah[/QUOTE]

<div>It wasn't an opinion.  It is a fact that asking for cash is rude.  </div><div>
</div><div>But posting on a message board IS a request for opinions, ideas and information.  </div>

kpachla

Interesting information from loads of people so I'd like to clarify:

1) This isn't us asking for donations.  This is specific members of my Fiancee's past saying they would like to give us money and suggesting we set up an account they can wire money into. Yes, they can write checks, but they asked about transferring. I understand that simply asking for money for the wedding is rude and is something we are not doing.

2) The question was simply, should I use any particular service or just a bank account.  It seems that a regular bank account is sufficient.

3) It is interesting that I was instantly assumed to be a "she" even though I wrote "fiancee" in my OP. French FTW.

4) I'm glad to see that the bickering isn't absent from even such sites at theknot.  What would the internet be without bickering, misunderstanding, and judging!

Thanks to all those that gave me legitimate advice and read the post fully.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-bank-account-for-pre-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:7b3bcc14-be35-4266-a7c8-c303905b78d9Post:0648128d-63ba-4e64-b97a-4ccdfc4620ff">Re: Wedding Bank Account for (pre-wedding) gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Interesting information from loads of people so I'd like to clarify: 1) This isn't us asking for donations.  This is specific members of my Fiancee's past saying they would like to give us money and suggesting we set up an account they can wire money into. Yes, they can write checks, but they asked about transferring. I understand that simply asking for money for the wedding is rude and is something we are not doing. 2) The question was simply, should I use any particular service or just a bank account.  It seems that a regular bank account is sufficient. 3) It is interesting that I was instantly assumed to be a "she" even though I wrote "fiancee" in my OP. French FTW. 4) I'm glad to see that the bickering isn't absent from even such sites at theknot.  What would the internet be without bickering, misunderstanding, and judging! Thanks to all those that gave me legitimate advice and read the post fully.
Posted by kpachla[/QUOTE]

1) Keep in mind that when people give you money, they may expect input into the wedding.  (Example: your aunt says "here's a $1k check for the wedding."  A month later your aunt says, "I love these flowers, this is what I want you to use my wedding contribution for!")  That could get messy and frustrating for you and your FI very quickly. 

2) Be careful passing around your bank account information for security reasons.

3) I saw one person that called you a "her."  Most of the posters here are female, so it's a fair assumption, and saying "my fiancee" doesn't make you male, anyway.  Ladies can have fiancees, too, you know.

4) Still judging.

kpachla

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-bank-account-for-pre-wedding-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7b3bcc14-be35-4266-a7c8-c303905b78d9Post:6a4c1eee-730b-440b-9e2d-ee6a482564c3">Re: Wedding Bank Account for (pre-wedding) gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]kpachla, just use your regular account. Opening another one is likely to cost you more money.  Most banks have service charges. If someone offers to give you money, you say, "Oh, thank you so much for your generous gift! Just write us a check as you normally would."  This is not rude, since they asked. Cash the check immediately.  Don't use the money until after the wedding.  (This is because the money, like any other wedding gift, is returned to the giver if the wedding does not take place for any reason). If the person specifies that the money is to help with wedding expenses, then you can suggest they write you the check, and you'll use it toward wedding expense. Or ask them what they were thinking of paying for you.  ("Oh, thank you so much for offering to help with wedding expenses. Do you have a preference for what you wish to help us plan? The cake or the flowers, perhaps?")
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Makes a lot of sense, thanks!</div>

hoffse

1) You can use your regular bank account, though I think PP's previous post about possible input is really something to think about here.  It's perfectly acceptable/polite/easy to decline a cash gift, and then you won't be pulled in 14 directions about what decisions to make.  My parents are paying for ours, which I am incredibly grateful for - but it's been tough at times coming to compromises, and that's only with one set of people making contributions.  I can't imagine what it would be like with more than that.

2) If you still really really really want this, I would probably do a paypal account because it's secure.  I would suggest keeping your bank account private, even from family members, because it's a terrible idea having that number floating around between too many people.  Even if they don't steal from you, how do you know they've shredded that number after writing it down?  This is pretty basic banking security we're talking about here.

3) I assumed you were male.  Though perhaps you are female.  FWIW, a lot of people, male or female, don't know the difference between fiance and fiancee.

4) Just please, for the love of all that is not rude, please don't make a cash registry.  I understand what you're trying to do here (though I still think that just asking them to write checks is easiest - you said yourself they aren't computer savvy), and I think it's ok from an etiquette standpoint because they are the ones who brought it up.  But when it's time to register, please don't do a honeymoon registry or some other type of cash registry where you basically trick your guests into giving you cash.

scroll

Pointing out that something is rude is not harassment.  You should probably look harassment up in the dictionary, because you obviuosly have no idea what it means. 
Cash the check immediately.  Don't use the money until after the wedding.  (This is because the money, like any other wedding gift, is returned to the giver if the wedding does not take place for any reason)
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