Registry and Gift Forum

Second wedding and not really wanting gifts

It is a second wedding for both of us and we are well established.  We are having a very big wedding but absolutly dont want presents.  We thought about suggesting a donation to a charity in place of a gift but weren't sure about the idea.  So the other idea we came up with is including a label in the invite and ask everyone to write a personal message (in place of a card) on it and place it on their favorite bottle of wine.  Then for the "favor" we will do the same and give them our favorite bottle to take home with a message from us on it.  

Re: Second wedding and not really wanting gifts

  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    Donations to charity aren't a good idea unless you're royalty, a lot of people are particular about charity donations and might feel obligated to donate to a cause they would rather not give their money.   It's fine for you to donate your gifts to charity, but not to dictate for your guests to do so.  

    I don't think the label idea is good either, it looks like it's a given people are giving you gifts and you're dictating what they get you.  I think the bottles of wine as a favor is fine, as long as you think your guests would like that.  My parents don't really drink alcohol anymore, so not a good favor if you have a lot of people like that.

    Since it's a second wedding for you both, I think if asked, you can say the guest's presence is gift enough and some will understand and honor your wishes, but some people are still going to get you gifts.  


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_second-wedding-and-not-really-wanting-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:96a4b8f7-e5a0-418c-8509-b9a52f8597baPost:3a112d46-6440-4d30-a4e4-0145b64e21b0">Re: Second wedding and not really wanting gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]Donations to charity aren't a good idea unless you're royalty, a lot of people are particular about charity donations and might feel obligated to donate to a cause they would rather not give their money.   It's fine for you to donate your gifts to charity, but not to dictate for your guests to do so.   I don't think the label idea is good either, it looks like it's a given people are giving you gifts and you're dictating what they get you.  I think the bottles of wine as a favor is fine, as long as you think your guests would like that.  My parents don't really drink alcohol anymore, so not a good favor if you have a lot of people like that.

    Since it's a second wedding for you both,<strong> I think if asked, you can say the guest's presence is gift enough and some will understand and honor your wishes, but some people are still going to get you gifts.  
    </strong>Posted by egm900[/QUOTE]

    This is probably your best (only) option. You can't dictate what people get you, charity donations are a hot-button issue for many, and mentioning gifts at all (unless asked explicitly) implies that you expect them, so that's not good, either.

    Quite simply, just don't register and people will get the hint that you don't need anything. You might end up with a few gifts with which you can do what you want (keep them, donate them to goodwill, return them, whatever) and the cash gifts you can donate to charity (or keep, if you feel like it).
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited May 2012
    Through word of mouth or if people ask you is the only way. Gifts are never required, so bringing them up (even to say you don't want any), particularly in the invitation, is not appropriate.

    Edit: And if you don't register, most people will give you cash. You can then do anything you want with it, including donating it to your favorite charity.
    Lizzie
  • I think I saw a website that allows you to register for wine, maybe you could try something like that?
  • If you don't need anything, I wouldn't register not would I suggest guests to give their money to charity or trade wines.  If you do in fact receive gifts that you do not need and cannot return, give those to charity.
  • I don't believe you should say anything.  You can mention to guests that their precense is all you ask for however if people want to give gifts, let them.  I don't think it's right to bring up gifts at all. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_second-wedding-and-not-really-wanting-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:96a4b8f7-e5a0-418c-8509-b9a52f8597baPost:3a112d46-6440-4d30-a4e4-0145b64e21b0">Re: Second wedding and not really wanting gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]Donations to charity aren't a good idea unless you're royalty, a lot of people are particular about charity donations and might feel obligated to donate to a cause they would rather not give their money.  [/QUOTE]

    I diagree with this...   FI and I are suggestiong donations in lieu of gifts to us.  We are also well established and have made 10+ trips to Salvation Army with our combined household donations as we've moved in together.  We are certainly NOT royalty and I don't see a thing wrong with letting your guests know that donations are accetable as gifts.

    On our wedding website I said the following:
    "<span style="font-size:12px;"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Because we are combining two households we have more than we need.  Instead of purchasing gifts for us please consider giving to those less fortunate.  We do support the following charities:"

    I listed three charitiees that we support however a guest could donate to any charity or not donate at all. The key is that we don't expect our guest to provide us gifts.  With that being said, I already know that there are some guest that are already brining gifts.  I would expect that you'll find the same.

    Do what you feel is accetable to your family and friends.
    </span></span>
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