i am not going to register

kgettingmarried

it dawned on me last night that it's just stupid to register when i can afford to go out and buy what i want on my own.  the whole thing feels like begging for presents to me, FI agrees. 

it also feels antiquated, and to have to wait until we're actually married to use a coffee pot feels just ridiculous to me.  FI agrees with that too.

so, we're not going to register.  we're going to wait until we move into our house, and then go to the same stores and just buy what we want ourselves.

sorry if this is an unpopular opinion.  the whole concept of depending on other people to buy me the items i need in life doesn't work well with my proactive life view.  who needs the hassle when we can just go out and buy ourselves the things we want and need?!

jerseydevil

Ok.

caseyandlizzie

Good luck when you end up with 5 toasters, because, who doesn't need a toaster for their wedding?!?

jessicabessica

What's your point?  Not registering doesn't mean no gifts, so people will likely still get you things anyway.  I'm not saying you have to register, I'm just saying be prepared for stuff you don't want/like and duplicates. 

MilitaryBride2Be

k..?

Hellokatie0517

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_am-not-going-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9ca9dc90-9298-4be0-9d36-49a9f7bcb41dPost:c2766f64-8ebf-44a2-8b8f-80c220054ed9">i am not going to register</a>:
[QUOTE]it dawned on me last night that it's just stupid to register when i can afford to go out and buy what i want on my own.  the whole thing feels like begging for presents to me, FI agrees.  it also feels antiquated, and to have to wait until we're actually married to use a coffee pot feels just ridiculous to me.  FI agrees with that too. so, we're not going to register.  we're going to wait until we move into our house, and then go to the same stores and just buy what we want ourselves. sorry if this is an unpopular opinion.  the whole concept of depending on other people to buy me the items i need in life doesn't work well with my proactive life view.  <strong>who needs the hassle when we can just go out and buy ourselves the things we want and need?!</strong>
Posted by kgettingmarried[/QUOTE]

True, but it will be a hassle when you find yourself with gifts you don't need or want.  Then you'll be hassled with returning them.  FI and I registered, yet I continue to go out and buy what we need. 

jerseydevil

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_am-not-going-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9ca9dc90-9298-4be0-9d36-49a9f7bcb41dPost:c2766f64-8ebf-44a2-8b8f-80c220054ed9">i am not going to register</a>:
[QUOTE]it dawned on me last night that it's just stupid to register when i can afford to go out and buy what i want on my own.  the whole thing feels like begging for presents to me, FI agrees.  it also feels antiquated, and to have to wait until we're actually married to use a coffee pot feels just ridiculous to me.  FI agrees with that too. so, we're not going to register.  we're going to wait until we move into our house, and then go to the same stores and just buy what we want ourselves. sorry if this is an unpopular opinion.  <strong>the whole concept of depending on other people to buy me the items i need in life doesn't work well with my proactive life view.</strong>  who needs the hassle when we can just go out and buy ourselves the things we want and need?!
Posted by kgettingmarried[/QUOTE]

I'm sure I speak for a lot of ladies on here when I say that there is nothing on my registry that I am depending on other people to get me. It's more of a wish list of items that I know we need replaced in the next 6 months or so or items that we would like to have and know we will use. If no one buys anything off the registry it won't make or break our domestic life. But we will enjoy getting an extra percentage off when we buy stuff off of it for ourselves after the wedding.

molls332233

This post really urks me. Get off your high horse lady.

hlq2011

You realize people are going to give you gifts, regardless of whether you register, right?

And that some of those gifts won't be money.  They'll be things. That you may or may not like, and may or may not be able to return.

And you also realize that, even if you genuinely don't want gifts, you can't say that on the invites?

jilld82

Um....congrats. 

Sorry I didn't get you a medal.

Also I really hope you end up with 10 ten toasters.  I hope they are all from Target too.

kgettingmarried

looks like everyone missed the point.

which is, that you don't have to go through all of this.  you can just skip it. 

the process makes no sense - you spend time at the store picking everything out, and then you wait for your parents or friends or whoever to tell people where you are registered (ONLY if they ask of course), or find it on your wedding website, and then when gifts start rolling in you are just supposed to hold onto them until after the wedding?

to me it sounds like picking out your own christmas presents.  or birthday presents.  america has such a sense of entitlement...why should we dictate what people are allowed to buy us? 

and why should i wait for people to buy me something i can buy myself right now?  just because it's traditional for people to send wedding gifts, doesn't mean they can afford to in this economy or even want to.

the whole thing seems like an 80's leftover to us.  so we're skipping it, and you should feel free to skip it too. 

kgettingmarried

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_am-not-going-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9ca9dc90-9298-4be0-9d36-49a9f7bcb41dPost:b5f64822-ba1d-4033-a24d-daf0b1f3e1c7">Re: i am not going to register</a>:
[QUOTE]Um....congrats.  Sorry I didn't get you a medal. Also I really hope you end up with 10 ten toasters.  I hope they are all from Target too.
Posted by jilld82[/QUOTE]

i happen to like Target, it's a MN company that provides a lot of jobs around here.

kgettingmarried

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_am-not-going-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9ca9dc90-9298-4be0-9d36-49a9f7bcb41dPost:52ea4935-e714-4a77-b0bb-7556ebef7f1e">Re: i am not going to register</a>:
[QUOTE]This post really urks me. Get off your high horse lady.
Posted by molls332233[/QUOTE]

i already said in the OP that i realize it's an unpopular opinion.  sorry you are urked.

futuremrseagle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_am-not-going-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9ca9dc90-9298-4be0-9d36-49a9f7bcb41dPost:52ea4935-e714-4a77-b0bb-7556ebef7f1e">Re: i am not going to register</a>:
[QUOTE]This post really urks me. Get off your high horse lady.
Posted by molls332233[/QUOTE]

hlq2011

No, we got the point.  We just disagree.  But thanks for giving us permission to not register.

A registry doesn't dictate anything.  It's suggestions.  That's it.

Has no one ever asked you for a Christmas list?

The point about Target was their return policy blows.

molls332233

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_am-not-going-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9ca9dc90-9298-4be0-9d36-49a9f7bcb41dPost:fa964cca-82fe-4a42-a1e8-71ce3dcad449">Re: i am not going to register</a>:
[QUOTE]looks like everyone missed the point. which is, that you don't have to go through all of this.  you can just skip it.  the process makes no sense - you spend time at the store picking everything out, and then you wait for your parents or friends or whoever to tell people where you are registered (ONLY if they ask of course), or find it on your wedding website, and then when gifts start rolling in you are just supposed to hold onto them until after the wedding? to me it sounds like picking out your own christmas presents.  or birthday presents.  <strong>america has such a sense of entitlement</strong>...why should we dictate what people are allowed to buy us?  and why should i wait for people to buy me something i can buy myself right now?  just because it's traditional for people to send wedding gifts, doesn't mean they can afford to in this economy or even want to. the whole thing seems like an 80's leftover to us.  so we're skipping it, and you should feel free to skip it too. 
Posted by kgettingmarried[/QUOTE]

I think you are reading way too into it. We register to make sure we dont get 12 microwaves, or a snow cone machine (wait.... that would be kinda cool...). Its a guideline to make shopping for our guests easier, which most people appreciate.

P.S. i love America, shes freakin awesome, dont go dissing her.

P.S.S.  we didnt miss the point, you did.

kristinanddan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_am-not-going-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9ca9dc90-9298-4be0-9d36-49a9f7bcb41dPost:fa964cca-82fe-4a42-a1e8-71ce3dcad449">Re: i am not going to register</a>:
[QUOTE]looks like everyone missed the point. which is, that you don't have to go through all of this.  you can just skip it.  the process makes no sense - you spend time at the store picking everything out, and then you wait for your parents or friends or whoever to tell people where you are registered (ONLY if they ask of course), or find it on your wedding website, and then when gifts start rolling in you are just supposed to hold onto them until after the wedding? to me it sounds like picking out your own christmas presents.  or birthday presents.  america has such a sense of entitlement...why should we dictate what people are allowed to buy us?  and why should i wait for people to buy me something i can buy myself right now?  just because it's traditional for people to send wedding gifts, doesn't mean they can afford to in this economy or even want to. the whole thing seems like an 80's leftover to us. <strong> so we're skipping it, and you should feel free to skip it too. </strong>
Posted by kgettingmarried[/QUOTE]

Well since <strong><em>you</em></strong> say it's ok to skip it, I guess it's ok.

Whoop-de-freakin-do, you don't want to register. I certainly hope you decline every offer of a shower, because you certainly wouldn't want to be showered in gifts you can just buy yourself.

molls332233

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_am-not-going-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9ca9dc90-9298-4be0-9d36-49a9f7bcb41dPost:ac68de06-28ff-475b-aabc-2f3ad016ab29">Re: i am not going to register</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i am not going to register : Well since you say it's ok to skip it, I guess it's ok. Whoop-de-freakin-do, you don't want to register. <strong>I certainly hope you decline every offer of a shower, because you certainly wouldn't want to be showered in gifts you can just buy yourself.
</strong>Posted by kristinanddan[/QUOTE]

ditto this

jilld82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_am-not-going-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9ca9dc90-9298-4be0-9d36-49a9f7bcb41dPost:fece9d7b-e602-4196-b8db-e20dcb7d443e">Re: i am not going to register</a>:
[QUOTE]No, we got the point.  We just disagree.  But thanks for giving us permission to not register. A registry doesn't dictate anything.  It's suggestions.  That's it. Has no one ever asked you for a Christmas list?<strong> The point about Target was their return policy blows.
</strong>Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

Yep this.

jessicabessica

I did miss the point (as I said in my previous post), but now I get it, OP.  Thank you for liberating me. 

But really now, you might want to hang out on this board to get a better understanding of why people register for gifts and how people reconcile feelings of entitlement and distaste for consumerism with registering. 

LauraT25

It's fine that you don't want to register, but you don't have to preach to all of us about it.  Maybe you didn't mean it, but this post comes off pretty condescending to those of us who did choose to register.  Be prepared to field questions about why you didn't register from your guests, and try to keep your answer short and simple instead of going on a rant about the sense of entitlement sweeping our nation.

jilld82

Part of me thinks this is MUD and she just wanted to stir up some drama.

kgettingmarried

americans are pretty spoiled if you look at the way the rest of the world lives.  that said, i am a proud american, and i love this country, but not the behaviour of some of the folks in it.  or the lifestyles of those folks.  but that's another story.

actually in front of family i would feel pretty comfortable ranting about entitlement, sorry if your family isn't that cool.  and they would understand exactly what i mean.

i don't understand how you can "reconcile" distaste for consumerism with registering.  registries are consumerism at it's very worst.  sorry if you don't like that, but it's true. 

i'm not preaching, just reaching out to others who feel the same way and don't want to register.  i bet there are people lurking right now who don't like the idea and are wondering if they are obligated to do it because they invited 150 guests and are buying them dinner.

this is also why we're doing a small private ceremony.  so no, i don't think we will be receiving 5 toasters. 

jilld82

In America we prefer to capitalize the beginning of a sentence.

molls332233

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_am-not-going-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9ca9dc90-9298-4be0-9d36-49a9f7bcb41dPost:468b5564-aae4-41fa-9857-fd0e3dc16009">Re: i am not going to register</a>:
[QUOTE]americans are pretty spoiled if you look at the way the rest of the world lives.  that said, i am a proud american, and i love this country, but not the behaviour of some of the folks in it.  or the lifestyles of those folks.  but that's another story. actually in front of family i would feel pretty comfortable ranting about entitlement, <strong>sorry if your family isn't that cool.</strong>  and they would understand exactly what i mean. i don't understand how you can "reconcile" distaste for consumerism with registering.  registries are consumerism at it's very worst.  sorry if you don't like that, but it's true.  i'm not preaching, just reaching out to others who feel the same way and don't want to register.  i bet there are people lurking right now who don't like the idea and are wondering if they are obligated to do it because they invited 150 guests and are buying them dinner. this is also why we're doing a small private ceremony.  so no, i don't think we will be receiving 5 toasters. 
Posted by kgettingmarried[/QUOTE]

ok now you are just FISHING for drama. take it elsewhere sister.

jilld82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_am-not-going-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9ca9dc90-9298-4be0-9d36-49a9f7bcb41dPost:468b5564-aae4-41fa-9857-fd0e3dc16009">Re: i am not going to register</a>:
[QUOTE]americans are pretty spoiled if you look at the way the rest of the world lives.  that said, i am a proud american, and i love this country, but not the behaviour of some of the folks in it.  or the lifestyles of those folks.  but that's another story. actually in front of family i would feel pretty comfortable ranting about entitlement, sorry if your family isn't that cool.  and they would understand exactly what i mean. i don't understand how you can "reconcile" distaste for consumerism with registering.  registries are consumerism at it's very worst.  sorry if you don't like that, but it's true.  i'm not preaching, just reaching out to others who feel the same way and don't want to register.  i bet there are people lurking right now who don't like the idea and are wondering if they are obligated to do it because they invited 150 guests and are buying them dinner. this is also why we're doing a small private ceremony.  so no, i don't think we will be receiving 5 toasters. 
Posted by kgettingmarried[/QUOTE]

Worst troll ever!

hlq2011

So now you're going to take a crack at other poster's families?  Nice.

Maybe if you'd lurk instead of jumping right in and calling us all materialistic entitled spoiled brats, then you'd understand other perspectives than yours.

Whether you meant it to or not, your post did come off as preachy and condescending - and at times downright insulting.

There are people who don't just lurk but post and say that they don't want to register and don't want gifts, and they've done it in far less insulting a manner than you have.  Again, if you lurked a little around here, you'd know that.

molls332233

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_am-not-going-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9ca9dc90-9298-4be0-9d36-49a9f7bcb41dPost:80a0a339-7353-43bc-a028-99e4312c7b12">Re: i am not going to register</a>:
[QUOTE]So now you're going to take a crack at other poster's families?  Nice. Maybe if you'd lurk instead of jumping right in and calling us all materialistic entitled spoiled brats, then you'd understand other perspectives than yours. Whether you meant it to or not, your post did come off as preachy and condescending - and at times downright insulting. There are people who don't just lurk but post and say that they don't want to register and don't want gifts, and they've done it in far less insulting a manner than you have.  Again, if you lurked a little around here, you'd know that.
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

Amen sister, amen!

LauraT25

1.  My family doesn't really care, but if I went off about how stupid and entitled it is to register to one of my many friends who set up a registry for their wedding, I'm sure their feelings might be hurt a little.  That doesn't mean they're not 'cool', either.  It's just sort of classless, as it makes it seem like you think you're better than everyone who chooses to set up a registry.  Say you decided you didn't need to register and leave it at that.

2. As a guest, I really like registries.  I like knowing that I'm giving someone a gift that they want, not something that may not suit their taste or that they don't need or already have.  It's all about how the registry is presented and how the bride views it - an optional list of requests vs a mandate.  Some people act like entitled spoiled brats, sure, but not everyone does.

3.  You probably aren't real anyway, so I'll stop wasting my time.

caseyandlizzie

If only you had posted this before my wedding....you would have saved me from consumerism! If only I had known that I didn't have to register afterall. Thank you for sharing your inspiring words of wisdom.

jessicabessica

Of course there are people who have an inappropriate sense of entitlement surrounding gift giving at weddings.  But you don't need a registry to have that.  There are frequent rants on this board about BBB and other stores that try to convince registering couples that they need double the gifts as guests and that they need to register for things they don't actually need.  Your rant is misplaced. 

As Laura said, I like registries, as a guest.  I like to get people gifts they can use.  For a birthday, it's not that hard, but for an event like a wedding, I want to get something that won't be a duplicate and will be the actual brand/style the couple likes.  My shower was a little over a week ago, and I received some registry gifts, some off-registry gifts, and some combo gifts.  I was really touched by the thoughtfulness that all the guests put into their gifts, and some of the things, mainly the off-registry gifts, were awesome little items that I probably would not get myself.