should we even register

jriekeman

So my FI and I are finally tying the knot after being together for over 8 years. We have a child and a house together already. I'm getting asked what we want for a wedding gift but we have no intention or really any need of any household items. do we really need to register?

vanityink

You can always say "we already have all we need, your presence is gift enough" or something along those lines if you prefer. I'd suggest having a very small registry though of a few things (anything you want to upgrade?) just so if people INSIST on getting a gift you'll get something you actually want. If you have a small registry, and spread the word you don't really want anything, I think people will get the message (or just give you giftcards/cash which might be more up your alley?) 

MrsGandthebeag

Are you planning on taking a honeymoon?  If so, and someone ASKS what you'd like for a wedding gift, I think it's fine to say "we have everything we need.  We're just saving up for our honeymoon now."  People will get the hint you would like cash.  You don't have to register if you don't need anything.

Peledreamsofrain

Always always register.  You WILL have guests who WILL give you physical gifts.  Unless you want them to give a shot in the dark with that gift (think 5 toasters), then register.  Keep the registry small though.

The rest of the guests will see your tiny registry and go "oh!  They have a tiny registry, obviously they'd prefer checks."

Problem solved, no pile of toasters.

hoffse

Yeah you should register.  I always give a physical gift because I can usually find pretty good deals on them, and then the bride and groom don't know that I spent $60 on their $100 gift KWIM?  I can't conceal the "price" of cash.

Whenever a couple doesn't have a registry, I typically just give something crystal and generic like a vase or platter, since crystal is clear and will match any color scheme that the bride and groom have.

Do yourselves and your guests a favor and make a small registry.  Most will give cash, but those who won't give cash (like me) will have some guidance.

Jen4948

I sympathize.  I don't like the idea of registering myself, because it's time-consuming and I'd rather find out what people give without my guidance, even if I get ten pairs of candlesticks or something.  But on the other hand, I can see that a guest would want some reassurance that their gift is something you'll like.

While a registry can be a useful tool (it is just a glorified wish list that allows you to indirectly indicate what you might like as a gift), you don't have to register just because people think you should.  It is not rude not to register or to decline to pre-select gifts for people just because they want to give you something.  If you don't want to keep a gift you receive, you are entitled to discreetly dispose of it.

If you aren't registering, I'd say to anyone who asks about a registry, "We're not registered, but we look forward to seeing you at the wedding-that's what's most important to us."  I wouldn't say "your presence is our present" unless someone specifically asks you.

RoMy215

DH and I were not 21 when we got married, and I'd been living on my own for quite a while so I had a lot of stuff. We didn't want to seem greedy, but there were things we did need/want (ie--some kitchen items) there were a few things we upgraded (or got a complete/bigger set -- ie -- matching dinner service for 8) and there were a few things we put on the list so that we could purchase it with the completion discount at the end.  

A registry is helpful because it offers guidance to anyone who wants it, and was planning to get you a gift. 

If you really don't want to register, you can always pick a couple of charities and spread the word that you have everything you could possibly want, and that you'd like to help a group or organization who could use the gifts more than you. 

keywest121314

You could always register with a charity ... or ask guests to give to a charity of their choice.