"eloping" and then vow renewal / reception

swalsh76

What do you ladies think of this?  We have been talking about getitng married in November (11/10/12), going away on our honeymoon and then celebrating later.  Our ceremony would be very small - maybe even private with a justice of the peace.  Then we'd do the honeymoon.

6 months later we would have the "public" wedding where we'd renew vows (is that silly that we'd do it after 6 months) and do a big reception....

Thoughts?  I just want to marry this guy.  I sooooo adore him.  I don't want to wait til next year.  But our budget dictates that we can't really afford a big party like he deserves (it's his first wedding). 

Lisa50

Um, yeah, it seems silly (using your words) to renew vows six months later.

It's good that you've set a budget.  The next step is to find a wedding and celebration which fit within that range.  If you wait and, presumably, save more money, then you may be able to afford the big party "like he deserves." 

What's the rush?  My H and I were engaged for 18 months ... taking the time to save $$ to host the one wedding and reception we wanted.  And, at just under 6 months of marriage ... are still googly-eyed newlyweds, no vow renewal necessary, leaving for our honeymoon in two weeks.

right1thistime

Sarah -I agree that a public vow renewal after 6 months is "silly".  It is certainly not uncommon (and not silly) to have a private destination ceremony and then a celebratory party within a month at home. The most tasteful way to hold that party would not include a wedding-like series of events.  You could cut cake, have toasts & dance, and maybe really stretching it, toss a bouquet & garter.  But no wedding party,no vows, no wedding gown. 

I hear that you want to get married in 11 months.  And you won't have the money to have the party you want until 19 months.  Honestly, those 6 months will not make a real difference in your life together.  We were engaged for 21 months, and it flew by.  But of course, we were together almost 6 years before we got engaged.  ~Donna

MikesAngie

Sarah, I agree with the previous posters that a vow renewal at six months is silly. If there is family that you want or need to have at the ceremony then do something you can afford - or be engaged longer and save up for a larger wedding.  

Do not renew your vows six months later.  

If a distination wedding is something that makes your heart sing do that and then a home reception.  Without the wedding dress and bridal party of course. 

swalsh76

So it sounds like you guys think a reception LATER would be okay....but would it really need to be a month later?  That would put us right in the middle of Christmas season....and winter is nasty drab here in New England.  That's why I was thinking May.

We are a "quick moving" couple.  I met him in February of 2011, started dating "exclusively" in April (though he wasn't with anyone else nor was I.....) and he proposed on Christmas.  It just seems to be the way things are with us.  I don't see a reason to wait for something we both know is right.  The only reason would be budget.  We have to install an new well this summer at the house ($6k) and probably a new furnace next month ($5k)....

Meghannsix

Wow, that is quick!  I've been with my FI for 4 ish years, and we're not getting married until June 2013, because we want a big party to celebrate with everyone.  If the only reason to wait is because of the budget, then why not just wait?  Six months is no big deal, I will have been engaged for almost 2 years when we get married.

swalsh76

Hi ladies.  The thing is, I don't think "waiting" does anyone any good.  I was with my ex husband for over 5 years and we still ended up divorce.  A long courtship or long engagement doesn't mean you're going to stay together...at least in my experience.

right1thistime

The point of waiting in your case would be to save enough money to host a tasteful reception in a reasonable time.  With the one month party deadline falling in the holiday season, I would give you a pass for a short delay into January.  MAYBE as long as Valentine's day.  And I have been to numerous winter weddings here in NE.  They can be absolutely lovely. 

My personal opinion is that you are trying to have your cake and eat it too-- at the expense of your guests.  If you want to fly away and get married in November - fine, do it.  Don't wait.  The consequence of that decision is that you will not have the big party to follow up. 

If you want the big party to follow up, it is appropriate for it to follow the ceremony within a brief period of time.  OR to move the ceremony to closer to the party.  The consequence of that is that you host the party in the winter.  OR to take the trip in November, and move the ceremony 6 months later to occur with the party. The consequence of that is that you wait 6 months to get married.

Frankly, you can do whatever you want.  Your guests will probably tell you its all fine.  If they are offended, they won't tell YOU.  But they will tell each other, or their other friends.  It sounds to me like you really don't care if you offend them or not, as long as you get what you want. So be it.

MikesAngie

IMHO: short engagements don't necessarily work either.  Example first ex-H and I were engaged 3 months, after an on again off again relationship - lasted 7 months. All I got out of it was wreaked credited (long story but he didn't pay his bills ever!) and facial reconstruction done with his fist.  

Second ex-H and I were engaged 4 months, married 2 yrs 2 mo when he came out of the closet. 

Third ex-H engaged 3 months married almost 10 yrs - he had issues based on his insecurity, started abusing prescription drug and alcohol and me - so I left. 

All the above men were in a hurry to get married - they were all hoping that the change would benefit them or protect them from something . For my part I was pressured the first time to marry anyone to avoid being an old maid, the second time there was pressure to have babies (didn't happen). The third I was a victim of my own low self esteem and when I got healthy the man I was married to freaked out. 

DH and I have known one another since we were 15, were best friends after dating briefly (his mom broke us up, she loves me now), lost touch when we were 21 (thanks in large part to the Army), reunited in 2009, engaged in 2010 and married in 2011. We dated one exactly one year, were engaged exactly one year and are looking to spending the rest of our lives together. 

I believe that when it's right you can "afford" to take your time.

swalsh76

I didn't mean to get into a debate on whether short engagements were better than long engagements.  Just meant to relay that the time doesn't *really* matter.  We've decided on a date and a place - June 1, 2013 and we'll be getting married on that day, too.  So it'll end up being 18 months anyways.

My first wedding was a winter wedding.  I want a barbecue reception and to be warmer.  We found a great family banquet facility that includes mini golf!  Very excited! 

Pookieson

well now that is our wedding date Good day!  We have been engaged since April of 2010 (No, I am NOT joking) and we won't be married until 2013.  We decided to wait for the same reasons, one, we bought our house last April, I'm currently finishing up my Nursing degree and we need to save money for the wedding without depleting our savings.  Would I love to elope and marry him  now? Of course!  But it is more important that we include our friends and family.  That is our priority.  Sounds like you have made up your mind what is more important as well!  Congrats!

rowanmegaera

My fiancee and I are going to NYC to get married on New Year's eve this year and having a committment ceremony/wedding and reception at home in Houston on January 12th.

Of course we have to do this because we are a gay couple and can't get legally married in Texas.

I agree that it might be odd to do it after 6 months, but a short wait wouldn't be too off putting.