The world needs to get used to 2nd + weddings! Happily ever after doesn't always happen the first time. We are so lucky to find our happily ever after though.
I was just thinking about this the other day. There are so many divorces. People just don't always get things right the first time. Sometimes we just get older wiser and luckier.
Have you had anyone make comments about your wedding not being your first one? Fortunately, I have not had a problem with it. I've been a divorced, single mom for so long that people are happy for us! I hope everyone is getting good support also.
Katie
Re: The world needs to get used to 2nd+ weddings!
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A guy I've known for a long time (brother of a life-long friend) asked, "You're getting married again?" with a gasp. My response (laughing) was, "Why not? If at first you don't succeed, try again in 19 years!" That eased the mood.
The only other negative reactions have been from young, first time brides here on TK. I have had more than just a couple of responses include, "Well ... that's because it's a second wedding ..." in reaction to some of my choices. I'm wearing a blue dress ("That's because it's a second wedding.") ... I wore a pink dress for my first wedding. Stuff like that.
Other than that (which, in the scheme of things, is nothing!), it's been really great. Friends and family have been supportive and excited for us. Now if they'd just get off their butts and reply. LOL!
This is one of the reasons I'm eloping, I don't have to hear all the negative BS to bring me down. I don't care what they say after the fact. Both his & my immediate family know - everyone else is clueless & fine by me.
The only negative comments I've gotten is also from TK 1st time brides. And why is it just because a flippin MOD (who I will keep nameless) gives HER opinion it should be engraved in the Wedding Bible as their holy spoken word?
I've noticed a few MOD's on various boards (not this one) who are so rude in their responses to simple questions. Just bugs the h*ll out of me. ok, I'm off my soapbox now. lol!
I agree with the prior posters though........we have a Second Wedding board for a reason........kinder, gentler, more mature attitudes.
Now that we've had our wedding I haven't heard one thing. It's been nice.
I can already see my Mom starting to bond with FI. lol So she is starting to let her guard down and accept he isn't like the others.
His parents and our friends are really supportive and happy. All of his friends keep telling us how refreshing it is to see a love like ours and how good we are to each other. His parents could care less that I've been married before. They get it and they said they will never judge me for my past. They see how much I love their son and how happy he is with me and that's all that matters to them.
I'm sort of bracing myself for snarky comments from my Mom's family when they find out in a couple of weeks that FI and I are liviing together. (family reunion is then, I go for my children's sake to play with their cousins) The thought of most of them is I have young children and that is all I should be worried about right now and I didn't even have buisness dating while I have young children.
But I could always be pleasantly surprised too when they see how awesome my FI is.
But in general... I really agree that people just need to get off their high horses and learn to stop judging people. You can never know a person's reasons until you have walked in their shoes. Be happy when your fellow human is happy.
But, there are other things that are positive: My FIL's were not at my FH first wedding because it was in South America. FMIL got all emotional when she was showing me her dress (in a good way) it made me feel good that she is looking forward to this.
I agree so much with what a few of you have said that sometimes it just doesn't go right the first time. The way I look at it is I wouldn't have my two beautiful daughters and KNOW what I wanted and needed from my marriage if I hadn't had the first one.
There's my two cents!
Christine
I did speak up one time with my older sister. She was going off about it being on a Friday, being too late for her grandkids, etc, etc. After hearing this on several conversations, I finally told her that everyone has known for over a year and if it was too difficult to arrange to be there then obviously, those people mean more to us than we do to them. It's been hard at times for me because she and I grew up as best friends and remained that way for many years. Not really sure what changed, but I do miss not having my best friend around like I used to.
I hope that everyone is able to put things aside as we need to and not let anyone put a damper of any kind on what ever our plans are for our weddings.
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How many people get married thinking they'll probably get married again sometime after the divorce?? I usually tell them I always thought I'd have several marriages before I found "the one".
People I know have been great for the most part. There were a few "why don't you just go away and elope, why don't you save money?" They have not said that to the first time brides in the family. I excuse one of them because I really think she would have done exactly that if she had her time back.
[QUOTE]The thing I get that bugs me is when I hear a person, usually young, say "when I get married I'll only get married once" or something to that effect. How many people get married thinking they'll probably get married again sometime after the divorce??
Posted by blush64[/QUOTE]
I was quilty of this once. When I got married I was certain I was only going to get married one time. It didn't even cross my mind that I could end up a widow in my 30's. It didn't cross my mind that someone would come along that loved me and wanted to be there for me and my kids.
I got my first second wedding comment this weekend. I was talking to the GF of my FI's cousin. She was floored to learn that FI and I are not living together. So she asked if we were going to move in together or get married... I said he proposed just the weekend before. She then started talking that if her and her BF get married they are going to elope because well since it is a second wedding for both of them there is no reason to waste time and money on a wedding. Then started talking how she wasn't sure how it should be handled since it is my FI's first wedding and my second.
Thankfully no one seems to have issue with the fact that as a widow I am getting remarried. There just seems to be varying views on what type of wedding I am entitled to have. A few years ago my grandmother mentioned she didn't want to go to my cousin's wedding because it was his second, but felt she had to because she went to my brother's wedding the same year. She even asked my mother if it was OK to not give a gift because she gave my cousin and his first wife a gift so why should she do a second gift.
Also, I am really sorry for your loss and happy that you found a wonderful man to share your life with.
But I NEEDED the life lessons I have gone through. I would have never found the amazing man I have beside me today without all the hell I went through, that brought me to the point of finally breaking generations of abuse.
I don't know... this was just my hand of cards. My life lessons were hard, but I really appreciate having gone through them and getting to REALLY know the person I am and exactly what I want in life and where I would never settle again. I didn't have that kind of wisdom with my first marriage. I think I was still struggling to figure out me then!
Also... not sure where you ladies are receiving snark from frist time brides. That is so messed up! :-( I haven't run across that yet, thankfully.
[QUOTE]But that's my point. No one actually, in real life, get married NOT thinking they will have to get married again. Saying it just kind of trashes those of us who are divorced as if we are less than them and didn't do it "right" or take it seriously enough. That isn't usually the case. Also, I am really sorry for your loss and happy that you found a wonderful man to share your life with.
Posted by blush64[/QUOTE]
But I was rude and DID say it. I the statement directed more at my mom who was married 3 times and acted better than everyone around her. (She actually wasn't invited to my wedding...) So I was rude. but I have grown up a great deal since then. THANKFULLY
And thank you for your kind words.
She also thinks it is acceptable for me to have a big wedding because I am a widow but if I were divorced it would be a NO/NO. I just think those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones! She off all people shouldn't have room to dictate what I can or can't have for my wedding.
[QUOTE]Ohh and meant to add it wasn't that my mom was married 3 times that irked me but she would pretend she was married once and then ACT like she was better than people that had gotten divorced. She actually would LIE and let people think my step-dad was my father so that no one KNEW she was divorced. So that was the attitude that IRKED me and what I was being rude to. She also thinks it is acceptable for me to have a big wedding because I am a widow but if I were divorced it would be a NO/NO. I just think those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones! She off all people shouldn't have room to dictate what I can or can't have for my wedding.
Posted by jdrose5[/QUOTE]
to be honest if it's said with a purpose then maybe it's not really rude. I mean we could hold out tongues sometimes but maybe she did need to hear it. that's different. :)
One thing to remember: The wedding is just one day. The marriage is all the rest of them.
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