just venting......

secondtry30

i just need to vent.........it's been a really stressful last 30 days. Our wedding is in 17 days as of today. But in the last month, the stress has really been building. And it's not even wedding related. We're having such a simple ceremony, there's no stress there whatsoever.

I had my annual appt with the doc a few weeks ago and it was discovered i needed my gall bladder out and i broke a rib when i was in a car accident. The rib is in the same spot as the gall bladder, so lots of pain right there. Then it was discovered i needed additional testing on some other areas. So within the past 5 days, I've had gall bladder surgery and some very intrusive other additional testing.

my fiance was incredible during the surgery part and taking care of me. I couldn't have been taken care of better. but the past few days, with my additional testing appt lurching, my FI seems to have pulled back. i don't know if he's getting tired of taking care of me (i dobut it, but of course the thought is there) or if he's stressed about the results coming back, or if he's having second thoughts about getting married again.

We both have been married before and lately, i feel like both of our insecurities are coming out. I just read the post about 'It's normal' and alot of those rang true to me. i know this post probably isn't making any sense, but i just needed to vent about all the stresses going on. all the medical problems, getting married again, and just well, everything! sometimes it's just nice to write things down.

right1thistime

Welcome.  You never know when something triggers "old tapes" in someone's head.  The whole, "in sickness and in health" can be a scary vow. 

When you are feeling a little better, and less vulnerable, just ask him what he's feeling.  Maybe you've been the planner, the leader, the coordinator of this whole wedding, and he got overwhelmed thinking about having to step in.  Maybe it scared the beejeebers out of him that you were seriously sick (beyond the sniffles) and how fragile health is.  Maybe he was thinking about his Granddad taking care of his Grandma and how exhausted he was.  Maybe he is terrified that now that he's found the right woman, he could lose her so quickly.  And pulling back was his way of protecting you from seeing him scared.  

Congrats on your upcoming wedding.  I wish you joy & good health. ~Donna

Sue-n-Kevin

Sorry to hear about all your troubles.

Donna gave you some good advice above. While this was my first marriage, it was my husband's 3rd. There are always little weird thoughts in your head when things seem to be going off the rails that you've planned for. We didn't have any before our wedding, but there were plenty afterward.

I think you should just talk to your fiance. I'm sure you are both scared. Health issues always create anxiety for us, and those we love. Also, sometimes physical ailments play havoc with our mental and emotional health, and that is also normal. 

FYI: My daughter (16 at the time) had a vicious gall bladder attack exactly 24 hrs after we said our vows. My husband and I were sitting down to open our wedding cards and she was complaining about serious pain. Took her to the ER and she was admitted. Luckily we had scheduled a honeymoon that was delayed by 3 weeks, or it would have been a fricken nightmare. There we all were, my 24 hr husband, my daughter's dad and myself sitting around her while she was on a bed in the ER. We can laugh now, but at the time it was scary.

Also, stay true to any diet info the doctors may have given you after your surgery. Loss of a gall bladder can play havoc if you don't limit your intake of fatty or rich foods. My daughter's had a couple of instances of "tummy troubles" since her surgery when she forgets.

Good luck and we'll all hope for the best health for you.

MuppetOverlord

You've had a lot of stressful things happen in a short period of time.

Sometimes supporting someone you love through a physically and emotionally stressful time can affect you equally because that stress exists to them too. Once the circumstances settle, we recover. I wonder if he was just tired.  Do you feel comfortable talking to him about it?

Hope you feel better

Jells2dot0

I've had my gall bladder out and thankfully, it did make me feel better. So, something to look forward to

I recently went through a spell with my DH similar to what you described above. I was going through some testing for cancer and the same day I was called by the doctor to schedule testing, his mom called and said she was diagnosed with breast cancer. He told me he was concerned for me, but didn't exactly show support the way I wanted him to. I asked if something was wrong and it turns out he was just so stressed out with everything (there were other things going on with his kids and work at the same time as well) that he just internalized it and kept quiet. I agree with pps that having a conversation might help out.

secondtry30

Thanks ladies! just got news back on one of my tests and it's worse than we hoped but not the worst it could have been. he seems to have withdrawn even more. it's not the support i was hoping for. i just don't know what to do. i've tried talking to him about it and he said he's worried about the test results, but in a way, i feel like he's blaming me.

i'm getting worried, stressed, and frantic - considering our wedding is supposed to be in two weeks and i feel him pulling away. he says this won't affect our long term future, but i'm having a hard time believing he'll get over the result of my test. at this point, it's not life threatening, but could be down the road.

i know none of you can predict the future - but i wish someone could tell me everything will be ok and we'll have a happy life together.

becauase of everything that happened with my EX (major long dramatic story), i'm worried he'll change his mind. he says it won't, but it's hard to believe him when he's so emotionally distant from me.

sorry for venting again - but i don't have anyone else i can turn to right now.

MuppetOverlord

When people ever talk to me about possible doubts, I will always tell them that the time to examine them carefully is before the wedding.

I'm not sure how much you are intending to share, but  if you are comfortable...are these results life-altering? I.e. are you possibly unable to have children? or will you need a lot of care?

Sometimes changes are jarring and tough to swallow and people need time to internalize them. Though he may be reluctant to talk, this is unfortunately, the time for very serious discussion if you feel he has doubts.

Sue-n-Kevin

Sorry to hear about your unfortunate news.

If it were me going through what you are, I'd probably ask one of his close family members, a parent or sibling, if his reaction is common. Is it part of his makeup to apparently pull away like that, but he comes through in the end?

Good luck with all your issues. Will keep you in my thoughts.

MuppetOverlord

Hope you're feeling better today!

secondtry30

Thanks you so much ladies. Recovering slowly, but each day is better than the last. My fiance seemed to have come to terms with everything, he's not 100 back to himself, but he's coming around.

MuppetOverlord

thank you for the update, I was thinking about you.