Disappointment, Engagement Rings, and Impending Bridezilla

Mrs.Paz

SInce this is the second time around, FI and I are both excited to keep things simple and easy, but I'm still starting to act a little crazy and whiny.  The current, and hopefully only, issue is finding an engagement ring.

We're shopping together and I'll be the one picking it out for the most part.  Saturday I found "the one", but it's way over budget. I'm trying to realize that just because we're "grown up" and have more resources doesn't mean I can have everything I want. I alternate between wanting to scream "BUT I WANT IT!!" and then really yelling "Why does it have to be such an ordeal to just be married and have babies!?"

So, big picture advice on how to not go crazy over a wedding with a guest list of 9, and thoughts on how to get over the ring I can't have?

IslandBeachBride

Uhoh, ring dilemma sucks!  My FI got the ring I thought I wanted - simple princess cut solitare. 



 Well, one of my FB friends happened to be showing off her new engagement ring and well I want one like hers!! Argh!!!! 
I'll wait a couple years and upgrade...lol

Sooo, with that said, don't settle?

MikesAngie

My DH and I started looking for engagement rings before we were engaged, we both discussed styles we liked and I tried on a several different settings.  He knew his budget, and got a good feel for what I liked.  Then he shopped, and ended up finding my engagement ring and wedding band on Blue Nile, where he was able to pick out the setting and the diamond - and stay within his budget. 

Here are our three rings - my wedding ring, engagement ring and his wedding ring. All were purchased from Blue Nile.

right1thistime

Well, you can either settle on something that IS within your budget or change your budget. 

Or wait to get the ring, keep saving until you have the money for the ring you want.  There's no rule that says you are not allowed to get married without an engagement ring. ~Donna

lindaloulubbock

Keep looking and saving.  

I didn't pick my E-ring, but I had the same issue with my wedding band.  What we wanted to buy for me was way out of our price range.  We kept looking, I settled on a back-up plan in case I couldn't get the ring I wanted, but then we found it on Overstock for half the price of the jeweler.

I've heard great things about blue nile, too.

I don't know what your dream setting looks like, but is there anyway you can replace some stones with something less pricey than diamonds and still get the same effect?  Or opt for a cluster of smaller stones rather than one large one?

Mrs.Paz

Thank you all for your helpful (but drastically differing!) thoughts!

Last night I exlaimed "I have a problem!" "I really love that ring and can't stop thinking about it" Told him we need to keep looking so I can fall in love with something in our range, but he said "you should have the one you want, we'll get it." Ugh, so sweet, and I would certainly appreciate it, but I don't want something so excessive.

If I've done my profile right, there is a photo there, and we are considering working with the jeweler to scale it down to fit our range. But we will also continue shopping.

http://www.pennypreville.com/collection/bridal-collection/engagement-rings/catherine

awayagain

Can you buy the setting and put in a cz as your center stone?  This site has very good quality cubics

http://www.e14k.com/

Mandalynn9112

I wanted a ring we couldn't afford either.  Then one day we were downtown with some friends having drinks and we were walking a few blocks over to another bar when we passed a mom and pop jewelry store.  In the window I saw the most gorgeous ring I'd ever seen.  I figured for sure we couldn't afford it but we decided to go back the next day and look.  I tried it on and fell in love instantly with it.  And low and behold it was within our price range!!!  The catch is that isn't not an actual engagement ring but what they call a "fashion" ring.  It's diamonds alright but the term "engagement" causes $$$ to go on it.  So my advice is to look outside the box and you'll be amazed at what you can find.

The first picture isn't my exact ring cause like I said it was a mom and pop store and they make all their own jewelry but it's very similar to give you an idea of the great ring I found.  The second picture isn't very good but it is my actual ring.

Sue-n-Kevin

Mrs Paz, that is a gorgeous ring!

I'm with the "wait until you can afford it" crowd. Before my fiance & I were actually looking at rings, or deciding on a date, we happened to pass a  "Mom & Pop" jewelry store that was going out of business. We walked in and I tried on dozens of rings. They had another location closer to his house, and we went there also. Found the ring I fell in love with, and it was 25% of the original (probably greatly marked up) price. Because they would only accept cash, we ran to his bank, then mine, and withdrew enough. We then waited for months before becoming formally engaged (this was due to family reasons). 

Check around with smaller (not chain) jewelers, lesser known ones. Also, you can try pawn shops......... I know a lot of people have built in doubts about that, but honestly, they are just previously owned-warned rings, and often much less than "new" ones.  

mandi921vh

What about getting a similar style ring with smaller stones?

Bonita O'Connor

My very first diamond was less than 0.25 caret, it was nice at that time, as my ex picked it out without me knowing... 10 yrs later I upgraded the diamond to 0.5 caret, then upgraded it again after 10 more yrs to 1.05 caret - I LOVE diamonds and always wanted a 1.0 carat ring-  Sorry it is my weakness, as cars can be to a man... after 25 yrs my ex cheated then this marriaged ended.  I took this diamond and made a necklace pendant with it - since this time, I've met Mark,  and we went on a crusie this February, and bought my engagement ring together - I traded my pendant in to help him towards the cost of this diamond, which he insisted I get - it was bigger than what I wanted, as I told him to just use my diamond I already had and buy a band, but that didn't suite him as he felt that my last diamond already raised the bar, and by getting me a bigger diamond, I'll never afford to upgrade this one!  We ended up with a 2.04 Carat SI, Color D, Excellent Cut, on a platiumun band - absolutlely beautiful, but was $10,000 MORE than what Mark had budgeted for - we decided that we will not marry until he pays of this debt for the ring, which will be 2-3 yrs time - we are both ok with this.

Nobody likes debt, but if you serisously don't like the diamond, it will forever play on your mind, as my 1st diamond did - I saved all my work bonuses to pay for the upgrades myself, and was very happy with that.

So, my suggestion is to just go with it, and upgrade or change it up when you can afford it.  If there's a will, there's a way!  

butterflyroy78

There are always going to be things you want, but cannot have. I would keep looking, if I were you. When I first started looking at rings, I thought bigger meant better, but then I found my ring and I fell in love! Just keep looking and don't hold onto what you cannot have. It is just a "thing", after all and as long as you get married, are happy and have those babies, everything else should fall by the wayside!

handfast4me

Here's what we did:  DH knew what he could afford.  He went shopping without me, and picked out three different rings that he thought I would like that were in his price range.  Then he brought me there, and from those three I selected one.  I LOVE it.   

Interestingly, I thought I wanted a square cut diamond, with emerald cut diamonds on either side.  However, when I tried that on, it didn't look good on my hands, which are very, very long, but thin.   I ended up with a round/brilliant cut with a vintage-style setting and 5 small diamonds on either side.    So, just like dresses, you gotta try 'em on!!

Sarahkayfa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_disappointment-engagement-rings-impending-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:5a71a33f-9d5e-4f2b-b71a-2453b7e4af44Post:432ea10e-909b-4696-b0c7-fec9ca4d58a2">Re: Disappointment, Engagement Rings, and Impending Bridezilla</a>:
[QUOTE]Uhoh, ring dilemma sucks!  My FI got the ring I thought I wanted - simple princess cut solitare.   Well, one of my FB friends happened to be showing off her new engagement ring and well I want one like hers!! Argh!!!!  I'll wait a couple years and upgrade...lol Sooo, with that said, don't settle?
Posted by IslandBeachBride[/QUOTE]
Ohhh! your current ring is the one I want! <div>
</div><div>What we did was this...We discussed our personal and joint style and priorities. They were fairly aligned. We pulled up the website of our jeweler and chose a stone that fit our budget and then chose a simple setting together. </div>

BeccaMichelleS

I knew that I wanted an Alexandrite, but we couldn't afford a mined stone.  FI got me a lab created stone (which was my choice.)  This allowed me to get a 1.0 carat, flawless stone that is exactly the same material that is found in nature, but without harming the environment...oh, and saves us several thousand dollars. 
This is my e ring: 

http://www.jewelsforme.com/alexandrite-engagement-ring-14k-white-gold-i2003rr-14

I absolutely love it!  I also love the fact that it is eco-friendly and didn't drag us into debt.  I wouldn't want it if it was something that would stress us financially.  However, I wouldn't let the ring being 'the ring' or not stop the progress of wedding.  We had planned on eloping months before he even gave me my ring...it was just the icing on the cake!