Hi again, everyone.I posted a few weeks ago after I got engaged. I thought getting married would be exciting, but it's just turning into a nightmare. My parents are furious, his kids are being jerks - don't they realize we are IN LOVE and that's all that matters? Why can't they all just be happy for us?
My parents are worried I am making a mistake. I think they're just mad because FI has been married twice before and all their church friends will be looking sideways at them. They don't care about my happiness at all, just about how things look to their friends.
I've been crying all week.....
Re: I'm so upset!
So, Hunny, what is it about him that they don't approve in that they think you're making a mistake?
I'm getting married 9-25, and it will be my 3rd marriage... my fiance's 2nd. His family has a lot of concerns about me BECAUSE it's my 3rd marriage.
The first time I got married, I was 18 and ran away to California to be with a boy in the Army who I wasn't even in love with. I was young, and I was stupid, and I just wanted to be in charge of my own life. We split up a couple of years later. The 2nd time, I rushed right into it; I had known the guy a mere 4 months when we got married, and we divorced less than 6 months later when he pulled a Jekyll and Hyde on me. Threw my cat through a window, got hooked on pills, was cold and distant, devoted his sole attention to his job for 80+ hrs/wk, yadda yadda, etc. Not a good guy.
My fiance's ex-wife also went a little batty... changed her name to James, shaved her head, became a nudist... etc. I know all of these things because I actually know her personally. She changed a LOT from when they got married.
People will have their doubts. That's just people for ya. It's to be expected. What matters is your love for each other! And you know what? I know you'll prove them all wrong by having the best, healthiest relationship ever. Let your family's church friends judge you. They'll have to answer for it in the end... just hold your head up high and enjoy the best day of your life
I do have concerns about the age, though. I worry about the other end. If he's 70, and you're 50, you're going to make a fairly young widow. Wait, maybe that IS the way to do it! LOL. Of course, I did it the opposite direction. He's 9 years younger than me. But I did date one guy was even 8 years younger than DH before he and I met. He wanted kids, though, and I am done with that portion of my life. So I ended it.
Have you sat down with your parents to really figure out what they're concerns are, or are you just guessing? I've said this many times, but the science indicates that a human brain is not fully developed until the age of 25. I would urge anyone NOT to get married until that age. Not that it's a guarantee, but it's a good start.
This may be hard to hear, but your parent's probably have a valid concern if he is twenty years older, he has been divorced twice (though those things do happen), and he has children. How old are his children? If they are young, maybe they are upset because they want their mother. If they are older, they may be looking at your age being the problem. No matter what though, you need to understand that his kids should be his main priority. You may not always like them or agree with them, but they are number one in his life.
And not to mention what his kids must be thinking. I don't know how old they are but I remember when my parent's got divorced. I was 14 when my dad brought home his first girlfriend. When he introduced us, I slammed my bedroom door in her face because I didn't want to deal with the idea of him with someone else. And she was close to his age. I can't image how I would have responded if he had brought home some young (mature) girl who was only a few years older than I was. I can say that I definitely would not have been supportive of that union.
I don't really have any advice other than to just try to see things from their points of view.