Single moms?

RKwedding2011

Hi, single moms, how long have you been single before you met your fiance?  What ages are your kids?  What was your experience being a single mom?

I was a single mom for 8 years.  I never wanted to be.  My husband had left me.  I never thought it would take me 8 years to meet Mr. Right.  I got to a point in which I gave up.  Then I met my fiance.  Being alone as a mom was hard, but it was better to wait instead of being with another Mr Wrong.  I feel happy that I met my fiance.  I never thought it would happen.  It is nice to have an amazing partner and to not be alone.  I learned to be strong on my own.  I appreciate my fiance now sooo much.  I hope all of you who are marrying again and are single moms find a lot of happiness.

How has your life changed since meeting your FI?  Share your happiness!

Sue-n-Kevin

I had my son 23 years ago alone (with a lot of support from my parents). My daughter is 16, but her dad has been gone from our home now for 11 years. She still sees him, they are still close.

I spent 8 years after my daughter's dad left undoing the chaos that his presence in our home brought, before dating again and meeting my fiance. 

He's been a wonderful addition to our lives, and he is a great dad to his own kids too. But, I considered my life pretty happy before I met him as well, but it's nice to know we can grow old together once they leave and we can do whatever we want, LOL.

lindaloulubbock

I felt like more of a single mom when I was married than when I was separated/divorced.  My exhusband wasn't around much after we had the children and when he was he made us pretty miserable.  For me, it was actualy easier because the children and I were happier on our own (plus we moved closer to my family and they were a great support system that I didn't have before).

I actually met my FI a million years ago when we dated briefly freshman year of colllege.  We were facebook friends when my marriage was breaking up and he would check in occassionally to make sure I was doing ok.  A few months after I moved out of my house we went out as friends.  We sat and talked for hours and hours and it was very clear that our relationship was something very special.  We dated for 5 months before we spent any time with the kids.  6 months later we moved in together, and 6 months after that we got engaged.

Our transitions have been amazingly easy.  I largely credit FI and his magnificent heart and incredible desire to be a great dad, because my children (and I) have never, ever been easy. I still live my day-to-day life shocked at how even the difficult days are easy and happy when we're together. 

mybooboos

Being a single mom gave me a great boost of confidence as well as being self-reliant, which also had its down side.  My xH used to tell me before we got married, "you don't need to get married, you're already a husband" (that still cracks me up!).  If I wanted something done (unclog a drain, cut the grass, change the spark plugs, etc) and he didn't do it, than I'd just do it myself (which would piss him off). Being a single mom, I had learned that I didn't have the luxury of waiting around for someone to do things for me - I had to do them myself.  After the divorce, I figured I wouldn't get married again, because I was too independent for most men.  Luckily I was wrong.

I found my opposite, and together we make a complete circle.  I temper his chauvanistic side, by doing things myself, and he tempers my independence by stepping up and doing things for me.  Also, being a single mom makes you fiercely protective of your children, especially if past males were not a positive role model. You want to make extra sure that you don't make a mistake which could impact their lives.  I think because of that, single moms are more selective and take their time in choosing Mr. Right. 

thealphabride

What a great question. I was a single mom from the time my son was 2. That is when I divorced my abusive spouse. I did NOT want my son to have him as a role model.
I was a single mom for 12 years before I recently remarried (last Sept)... Being a single mom makes you strong, independent and as the pp said fiercly protective of your children, I only have one boy.
When I met my fiance and we started dating it was clear his priorities were the sme as mine. The child comes first, always. He has one boy as well.

We waited to get married until our boys grew up so they did not have to endure any life changes. Both have VERY STABLE LIVES and we did not want to upset the apple cart for them. It also gave both a chance to get used to us being together and being in love and get used to each other. We never lived together. I own my own home and not about to give up that asset to live with a man. It's just not who I am. We dated 6 years before the wedding.

I wouldn't live with him until marriage. BUT in fact we cannot sell our houses now because of too much of a loss in today's market, so we are getting my house ready to rent, and I will move in with him ASAP.

My son is a freshman in high school and I don't want to screw up that adjustment either, when we move in my son will still go to the same high school. My now husband and I spend almost every night together, our homes are only 10 minutes apart from each other. 

I am extremely happy with my hubby and our boys are extremely well adjusted and happy. My DSS will go to college this fall and my son will be a sophmore in high school.

2dBride

Well, I never quite knew whether I qualified as a "single mom" or not.  My ex-husband left me in 1995, when my children were 13 and 11. However, our kids spent half their time with me and half with him, so I still wasn't handling the parenting duties alone.

I had about a three-year relationship with a woman who turned out to want me, but not my kids--and I couldn't do that to my kids.  I was then single for a couple of years, and had pretty much decided I was going to concentrate my energy on my kids and my career when NotFroofy came along.  At that point, my kids were 19 and 17, and my son (the older one) no longer lived with me.  However, both kids grew to love NotFroofy.  When NotFroofy and I were finally able to get married, the kids were 27 and 25, and were our attendants.

mightyoakes

I agree with everyone here! I can so relate!

I left my exhusband in 2001 and divorced in 2002 due to his drinking. My girls were 7 and 4 at the time. But like someone else said, I didn't want them growing up with this in the their lives.

I had several relationships but they didn't "click." something was missing.

Fast forward to 2007 - 2008. I was really busy with two girls in sports and a new job so I joined the dating service "It's Just Lunch" I loved this because all I had to do was listen to the description of the "match" decide if I wanted to meet him or not, go and meet and decide if we wanted to see each other again. I discovered that I am very picky! ;-)

LAST match of my contract - no joke. I listened to the description, sounds good, I'm thinking, "It's the last one anyway..." To my surprise this wonderful, handsome, smart, polite, sensitive, fun man sat across from me and I'm been in love ever since!

My girls haven't seen their father since January 2008 due to his drinking. But, their future step-dad is their "real" dad. He loves them like they were his own. We are soooo lucky. Vic has a son that is 9 and he loves his "big sisters!"

I can't help but think by knowing what I didn't want in my future marriage, it helped me find and attract what I wanted.

ahometowngirl

It is so neat reading everyone's stories. 

I have been divorced for six years.  I run my own business in a small town.  I have been very careful not to do the bar scene to meet men, etc.  I had dated several men, one of which for a couple years.  None were the "right one."  I love my daughter so much and it has just been us two.  (really even before the divorce.  Though her dad lived here, he didn't truly want to be a part of our lives unless it fit into his schedule." 

I think it is funny how several of you commented on how independent you are.  I have always been independent to a large degree.  I just didn't know how independent I could become.  My worse problem ever was "getting a very unwelcomed baby snake out of the playroom"  because I HATE SNAKES! My daughter does, she climbed up on the island in the kitchen as I did this.

After I had really stopped looking so hard for Mr. Right and just worried about life in general, a girl I had met during the divorce (SHE Actually worked for a judge that heard our case) came into my business.  She and I talked as usual and she said you know my brother has been divorced for a good while, ya'll need to meet.  I thought uh-oh.  No thanks.  However, I looked him up on facebook.  Sent him a message, then we messaged a few times.  He called everyday for about 2 weeks.  We then met for an afternoon lunch and saw each other everyday for the next 30 something days.  I am so in love with this man.  My daughter loves him. His two boys are a barrel of fun, and I am a lucky future bride. 

Thank goodness I sent him that first message. 
I look forward to our future, though I am a realist and I know it will not be all roses.  All of us on this site know life is a rollercoaster. Climb those hills looking forward to the fun ride just over the top.  Life is good.