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Need help with vow renewal

Knottie_22383134Knottie_22383134
in Second Weddings
Well, I didn't see nothing about vow renewal so I figure I would come on here and post and see if I can get some help. 

My husband and I want to have a vow renewal for our 10th wedding anniversary in May, 2016. I know we do not need to go all out like our actual ceremony but we would like to make this event small, simple and tasteful. 

We decided to have the ceremony in New Orleans. My friends mother, who is a ordained minister offered to do the vows, which is a nice gesture and our guest list will be very small (about 10 or 20 people and on their dime) will be invited and for our celebration, go out to the restaurants/bars and have a good time
I would love to wear a gown again but since I already had my wedding, it is not needed 

If anyone can give me some advice, it would be appreicated. 

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Re: Need help with vow renewal

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    CrimsonRose34CrimsonRose34 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2013
    Well, I didn't see nothing about vow renewal so I figure I would come on here and post and see if I can get some help. 

    My husband and I want to have a vow renewal for our 10th wedding anniversary in May, 2016. I know we do not need to go all out like our actual ceremony but we would like to make this event small, simple and tasteful. 

    We decided to have the ceremony in New Orleans. My friends mother, who is a ordained minister offered to do the vows, which is a nice gesture and our guest list will be very small (about 10 or 20 people and on their dime) will be invited and for our celebration, go out to the restaurants/bars and have a good time
    I would love to wear a gown again but since I already had my wedding, it is not needed 

    If anyone can give me some advice, it would be appreicated. 

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    right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    If you invite them, it should be on your dime.
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    Knottie_22383134Knottie_22383134
    Ok. So, no telling them that we are not inviting them. Then how would I tell them they "can tag along" if they want? .. I will be only paying for our trip and hotel (not theirs). I do not have that type of money to spend on everyone.  I would like to have my friends there with me and to celebrate our anniversary. We are starting this early so I know what to expect and do. Thanks
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    happyfor25happyfor25 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_need-help-with-vow-renewal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:830c7178-908d-4f7a-afad-4869e3f763efPost:fa4ebb16-928a-4f06-87af-9e39334f70fb">Re: Need help with vow renewal</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok. So, no telling them that we are not inviting them. Then how would I tell them they "can tag along" if they want? .. I will be only paying for our trip and hotel (not theirs). I do not have that type of money to spend on everyone.  I would like to have my friends there with me and to celebrate our anniversary. We are starting this early so I know what to expect and do. Thanks
    Posted by CrimsonRose34[/QUOTE]

    Congrats on 10 years!  It sounds like you want to do like a destination anniversary/vow renewal?  So I think, maybe, the same "rules" would apply.  I believe in those cases, the guests pay for their own travel and accommodations.  HOWEVER, you must host something for your guests who attend the actual vow renewal.  With a small guest list, you could take them all out to a nice restaurant or something like that.

    I don't think you should "formally" invite your friends in this situation since you are essentially asking them to spend a considerable amount of money and taking vacation time for you.  It's entirely possible that your friends would love a trip to New Orleans.  I would simply tell them about your plans and if they indicate that would like to go, awesome but if not, do not be offended.
    imageimage
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    happyfor25happyfor25 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_need-help-with-vow-renewal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:830c7178-908d-4f7a-afad-4869e3f763efPost:127336da-c36a-4e2a-ba58-20e14ec9526c">Re: Need help with vow renewal</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't send out formal invitations.  Put the word out.  "We're taking a tenth-anniversary honeymoon trip to New Orleans, and will be renewing our vows while we're there, if anyone wants to tag along.  The ceremony will take place at....." You should host SOMETHING after the ceremony if you have guests.  It doesn't have to be a big deal.....get some cake and punch.   It's fine to have a wedding cake, if you decide to go that route.....there are tenth-anniversary cake toppers for this, and have a cake cutting.  Mix up some sherbet and ginger ale.  That's your anniversary reception! You can wear your wedding dress for a vow renewal and have your cake.  Reasons for all this: You don't want this to look like a "reenactment" of a wedding; it's a vow reneweal and celebration of your anniversary. No wedding party is to spare your friends from expense - it's fne to have your kids, though. Reception - you should serve something if you invite guests.  Again, the cake and punch is okay. Enjoyo your vow renewal!  New Orleans is a beautiful place for this.  Vow renewals for a tenth aren't ridiculous. It's the ones after six months or a year that look silly.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    I don't consider myself an etiquette expert so I may be totally off base.  I find cake and punch receptions perfectly acceptable in MOST circumstances.  However, in this situation, where guests are spending a lot of money to travel, I think it would be better if the couple hosted something more substantial.  I don't think it's unreasonable for the couple to cover one meal for those willing to spend time and money to celebrate with them.
    imageimage
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    positivekpositivek member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    If you informally invite though, I would still recommend getting a final head count in the final weeks. Worrying about not having enough refreshments (or if you're concerned about $, being stuck with enough for 20, when only 5 showed up) would stress me out.
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    right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    With 38 months until this event, I would think the OP could save $12.20 per week so that she could buy her guests dinner & alcohol for her after ceremony reception.  That's $100/person if there are 20 people there.

    If the guests are paying their own hard earned money to travel in order to spend their hard earned vacation time with the OP at her 10 year anniversary party, I would expect they would be thanked with a bit more than cake & punch! 

    And in my experience, destination wedding guests do pay for travel & accommodations (this varies, however) on their own dime, but are usually the recipients of multiple hospitality events, fully funded by the honorees.  I have also heard of (but sadly not invited to) destination weddings paid 100% by the hosts, travel, accommodations, the whole kit 7 kaboodle. 
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    Knottie_22383134Knottie_22383134
    edited March 2013
    Right1thistime: I would LOVE to pay out of pocket for guest. Unfortunately,life does set in and I do not have that type of money to foot for all the travel/lodging . If I did, it would be no problem. Unless I strike it rich with the lottery in the next 36 months, which I doubt I will. I'm guessing at least 5 people would actually come. I was estimating the most 20 people, but it doesn't mean that the full 20 people would actually show up. 

    Everyone else: Thank you for the advice. It is 3 yrs away so that will give me enough time to talk to someone down in New Orleans about hosting a dinner/reception for my husband and guest. 


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    Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2013
    Noone was suggesting that you pay for your guests' rooms and transportation. That would be way costly and also out of the norm, but extremely generous. It was just suggested that you pay for some type of reception following the renewal- whether it's a full up party or just a dinner out. It would be unkind to have your guests travel all that way for your event and then you not host them in some way, host meaning some type of "reception" after the renewal, not host meaning accommodations. plus, as you mentioned, 2016 is still 3 years away, so there is time to save, investigate what type of reception you'd like to have, and feel out who may want to attend.

     







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    Knottie_22383134Knottie_22383134
    I guess I didn't add much details when I first posted. It was like when I was planning my wedding in 2006 so if I came out a bit agressive, I do apologize.  I wouldn't want people who will be traveling to feel cheated.  We are offering a dinner reception and drinks afterwards. They are special people to me. There is so many good restaurants/bars in New Orleans but I know we want the reception to be in the French Quarter. After the reception. We are going to do our own thing (tours sight seeing, ect)  Thank you 
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