parents wont cover 2nd marrage...and yet siblings want a family ceremony...

4love4ever4you

Hi ladyz, new here, bad speller (lol) and engagemnet is pending (i refused untill we  completly debt free...dur to the states agains 2nd marrages)

So my parents r so well off they own 3 homes cross country, only paid 1 thousand 4 my 1st marrage cuz i married at age 19, note: we were 2gether 4 15years and my sis got married 3 years after me that they pulled all the stops out 4 (can u start 2 feel a lil of my bitterness yet lol). Parents refuse to cover any expence of this marrage cove it is both of our 2nd.

Fine, no prob, we want 2 take my 15 yearold his 17 and 8 year old 2 mexico 4 a week of just marrage, family bonding and joy. HOWEVER my siblings especialy and a lil of his fam are actualy making us feel like garbage be cause we wont have a stupid ceremony 4 them 2 come oooohhh and aaahhhh over while they chow food , all out of our expence, cutting into anyfamily honey moon money we would have. (how completly selfish of these ppl, and making us feel bad about how we chose 2 celebrate our day and love....gross just gross).

Now that im done ranting (sorry still fresh) i am seeking multiple ways of getting it threew these ppls head that its just not about them, the financial hardships they are asking of us and how they r leaving a real distastefull flav in our mouths over all this, esp when we r just talking at this point....

thanks all

http://dwdm.daisypath.com/RNRhm4.png

melissamc2

Hi, and welcome to the board!  I'm usually pretty blunt, but I promise it's not out of rudeness.

With that said - you're both adults and should be able to just lay it out to your familly openly and honestly.  There is no need for multiple ways to get it through to them.  This isn't about them, it's not about what they want, and you don't have to change your plans to make them happy.

Do what you and your fiance WANT to do and don't make any apologies for it.

Your parents shouldn't be paying for your wedding, as far as I'm concerned (the minute you accept money from someone, you also accept their input), and your siblings definitely shouldn't have any say in how your wedding is handled.

Good luck.  Don't cave, because not only is it not good/healthy for YOU to let your family dictate your life, but it's something that I suspect would irritate your fiance.  The only other person who needs to be ok with how the wedding is carried out is him - and it sounds like he knows what he wants. 

arv266

I am sorry, but I really had a hard time understanding your post...  You're upset because your family wants you to have a wedding where they can celebrate with you?  Really???  Do you have an idea how many 2nd Brides would love to have this problem?

Have the wedding that you can afford, and please stop feeling that your parents owe you "wedding money" because they spent more money on your sister.  It is their money that they can spend any way they want.

Its also a bit silly to start worrying and venting about this, when you are not even engaged yet.

Brooklclark

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_parents-wont-cover-2nd-marrageand-yet-siblings-want-family-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:a4b75c95-f6f1-49f9-a8ea-3a0f6291b9a6Post:9e801dc6-573b-43ac-9b63-afee37ee597c">Re: parents wont cover 2nd marrage...and yet siblings want a family ceremony...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sorry, but I really had a hard time understanding your post...  You're upset because your family wants you to have a wedding where they can celebrate with you?  Really???  Do you have an idea how many 2nd Brides would love to have this problem? Have the wedding that you can afford, and please stop feeling that your parents owe you "wedding money" because they spent more money on your sister.  It is their money that they can spend any way they want. Its also a bit silly to start worrying and venting about this, when you are not even engaged yet.
Posted by arv266[/QUOTE]

<p style="margin:0in 0in 10pt;" class="MsoNormal"><font color="#000000"><font face="Calibri"><font size="3">I absolutely agree with your post I wish I had this issue. I whole problem with my wedding is that some of my family didn’t want to be there. Also I wouldn’t even conceder asking for money for my second wedding , my parents offered because that’s who they are however we politely declined their gesture and they we are having a bridal party tea hosted by my mother. I wouldn’t want them to get monetary involved with the wedding anyway because then it would give them a say in what we do and have. </font><span><font size="3"> </font></span><font size="3">Also I don’t fully understand why you aren’t getting engaged. You can be engaged and hold off on the wedding. </font></font></font></p>

prodigalgirl

I think a simple, "We are having the wedding we can afford for our family" should suffice.  If they press harder, you can add, "If you'd like to provide the funding for an additional ceremony for the family, feel free to do so.  Otherwise, we're going with the plans we made."

Everyone here has their own struggles based on their particular situation.  These struggles cause stress and it's up to us, individually, to avoid letting that stress get to us. 

Enjoy your engagement and your family honeymoon!

MikesAngie

Text speak is so difficult to read - even if you are a bad speller try to write out what you are saying.  Also there is a spell check in the tool bar at the bottom that will provide some assistance (it looks like a check mark with ABC above it)

Hooray for you that your family and your soon to be Fi's family are wanting to celebrate with you.  That you cannot afford to do more than a simple ceremony and a family honeymoon, so be it.  You could suggest to them that when you get back if they would like to assist you that you would consider a family reception.

Get over the money issues! My parents didn't pay for my first wedding, and it really doesn't matter what they did or didn't do for my sisters.  You need to GET OVER IT, they are your family there should not ever be an expectation that they give you money for any reason - period. That the love you and are happy for you should be enough.