Guest List Woes

prodigalgirl

I really need some advice.  There are two situations that are greatly affecting my guest list right now and I NEED to get my invitations out (for my wedding that is less than 6 weeks away)!!

Situation One:
My dad's family has been very UNsupportive of my new relationship.  All they've done is gossip about me getting remarried... and there's no reason to!  They're such gossips, that I didn't tell them why I got divorced (my ex was/is a sex addict... Tiger Woods level).  All I did was tell them that there was a "Biblical reason" for the divorce.  My dad's father was even acting buddy buddy with my ex the last time he was in town and kept bragging to my dad about how great my ex was doing.  Nice, granddaddy.  That side of the family seems to have a holier than thou attitude with me over EVERYTHING and now that I'm divorced (Gasp!  God forbid!), that attitude has grown.  None of them have even TRIED to speak with me AT ALL since I started dating FI a year ago.  The ONLY contact we've had was a very recent Facebook message from one of my aunts about a Memorial Day thing they were inviting me to ("and we'd love to meet your FI if he's in town").

Anyway, I'm getting married in my parents' back yard and if I invite my dad's side of the family (it's VERY large and they all live in town), I won't be able to invite my friends.  To me, it's more important that I have people there who care about me and are supportive.  I, personally, would rather not invite my dad's side of the family.  My dad TOLD me NOT to invite them.  He said they don't need to be there and I should be surrounded by people who actually seem to care.  But, today, my mom told me that I might need to rethink things, but that they'll "be okay with whatever decision I make".  I think she's afraid that his family will really give us a hard time about not being invited (which they most certainly will). 



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Situation 2:
I have a cousin that I was very close to... I was there when her marriage fell apart (her ex is in prison) and she was there when my marriage fell apart (exploded, more like).  We helped each other through those times and became very close.  Although we were both very busy, we'd try to get together on occasion and I considered her someone I could really lean on.  When I got engaged, she was a natural choice for a bridesmaid.  You can imagine my surprise when she said that she'd have to "think about it". 
The next time we talked, she said that she could be a bridesmaid or do whatever else I'd need done for the wedding.  Then, the next time we talked, she told me that she'd do it "if I really wanted her to".  Well, how was I supposed to respond to that?!  Now, she's been MIA.  She met a guy after I got engaged and they just got married a couple of weeks ago.  I wasn't invited to her wedding.  I've texted her to ask for her address and she hasn't responded.  I don't even know if I can still count on her COMING!    I need to get my invitations out, and I know you're not supposed to send them in "shifts", but how long am I supposed to wait on her to respond with her address??


I hate the drama that comes along with weddings sometimes. 

RKwedding2011

Here is my opinion. Invite your supportive friends.  If you can't fit your dads family then don't invite them.  It sounds like they will give you a hard time no matter what.  Another thought.  If the inside of the home is also used, will there be enough room for everyone?

Your cousin, and the bridesmaid situation.  If I were you, I would count her out.  She doesn't sound like she wants to do it.  A bridesmaid needs to be supportive.  I read in a wedding book that some women who are asked just don't feel they can fulfill the obligation.  Try not to feel bad.  If she suddenly appears and isn't MIA and wants to be in the wedding, then by all means include her.  I was afraid that a few of my friends would be hesitant to be my bridesmaid since I am divorced.  They were supportive luckily, but I can see how someone may choose not to be in the bridal party.  Ask only women that are supportive and want to be there for you! Good luck.

Remember, the most important part of the day is you and your husband! 

Katie

mybooboos

I agree with the PP.  Weddings are about you and your FI, along with the people that love and support you, to witness your commitment.  Debbie Downers should not be invited, unless there's just cause within the family...but even your dad told you not to invite them.  If you're asked after the wedding, just let them know that there was a limit on the number of people you could invite, and leave it at that.

As for your cousin, count her out. Either find another friend that would be supportive, or just don't have anyone.  Either option is fine.

Good luck

Sue-n-Kevin

I agree with the prior posters

- DON'T invite Dad's family
- DON'T invite the cousin as a bridesmaid OR guest

I don't need to give you my thought process, because your post has all the reasons.

Good luck with the fallout. I'm sure there will be some, but with your fiance/husband at your side, you can withstand it.

lindaloulubbock

I would leave off the family, invite the cousin, but not include her as a BM.

PhoenixMama

I had a similiar question about unsupportive family and I've accepted the advice to only invite supportive people.  It's YOUR day and you don't need the drama there.

For the cousin...  I agree with PP, count her out as BM, but try to send an invite... if she doesn't respond with an address... it's her loss, not yours.  *hugs*

MikesAngie

The drama that family can create.....  I agree with previous posters don't invite the toads (to quote Retread), but do invite the cousin as a guest. 

I invited cousins that I was close to but not my Dad's only surviving sister because she and her husband were still in contact with my abusive xH.  They "forgot" that we were divorced (even though they helped me move what little I was "allowed" to take) and called him on more than one occasion. I couldn't invite them with a clear conscious and I didn't want to be afraid that they would share the information with my xH.  Even though  there is a no contact order in place the xH is cyberstalking and harassing through snail mail, yes still. 

So invite those that support you and your FI and leave the rest to themselves.