Dear Old Dad

right1thistime

I know not everyone has fond memories of their father.  So substitute whomever was a positive male role model in your formative years.

I am wondering how many of you think that your Fi/ DH is similar to your Dad?  Was it a conscious decision?  Or did the similarities become apparent over time?

My xH was absolutely nothing like my Dad.  But DH is so similar in so many ways.  My Dad never met him, but I think they would have gotten along famously.  I don't know if I have grown fonder of my Dad now that he's been gone 21 years, although we were close when he was alive-- or if I just am seeing the similarities as my DH gets to the age where I knew my Dad best.  What about you??  ~Donna

Lisa50

Hmmm ... There are many positive traits my FI shares with my dad.   FI is definitely more like my father than my exH.  I have consciously tried to avoid my father's negative traits in my mates, all my life (easily identified early in life).    All else was up for grabs, so to speak.

fireytiger

(Fair warning, i'm typing this at 4am so I guarantee it's a bit rambly)

Actually in a lot of ways my FI does resemble my dad. They both have the really strange sense of humor, they both love sci-fi novels (and even tend to like the same books), they love a lot of the same activities, knowledge of cars, priorities in life, etc. The one thing that FI does have that's simliar to my dad (but thankfully has a little better control over it), is his temper. When he explodes, he EXPLODES. It's very rare, in the years we've been together he's only really gone off twice, and never at me. His father had a very wild temper and was abusive, and he swore that although he got that temperment, that he was going to tame it and not be like that. For the most part, he's greatly suceeded. My dad, however, has a very short temper that goes off at the drop of a hat. I kinda got that from him myself, I can get pretty heated, but it takes a LOT to get me to go on a rampage like my dad does.

In a way, because of that temper, I need someone who has a similar temperment that can handle it. Not that I will go off on FI for no particular reason, like I said it takes a lot to get me really riled. But at the same time, he isn't going to just lie down and let me go on a tirade, he will tell me when i've crossed the line and he will stand up to me.

I never made an active choice in finding someone who has a lot of the same traits as my dad, but it kinda went without saying as I felt out who I was, what I enjoyed, and what I wanted in a spouse. I picked up a lot of things from my dad, like the quirky and dark sense of humor, the love for books and reading, the love for going for walks and exercising. Those things are important to me and I needed to find someone who found those things important too. We think in different ways and we both have our own opinions, but we think similarly enough that we just click. And when we do click, we make an amazing team, something that both my relationship with my ex husband and my ex fiance lacked. I don't know if that's because he reminds me of my dad, or if it's because we're just well suited for each other, or both. But it definitely is nice to have a guy that I can go hang out with my dad, and have my dad actually truly like him.

Browneyes72

This is a running joke with my FI, my family and me.  After I got divorced, I told everyone that IF I could find someone just like my dad then I would marry him. I tease him often that someone is making me keep my word.  They both like older cars and are "Mr. Fix It" in their families.  They both put their families first.  They have similar tempers (however, my FI has much better control over his).  They both like "biscuits and gravy" with toast instead of biscuits.  The list goes on & on.  I keep saying that I got the newer and improved version of my dad.

PhoenixMama

My FI is NOTHING like my Father... which I finally have done right.  My father is an alcoholic and abusive, and has an explosive temper.  My ex is very much like him.

My FI is more like my grandfather who has recently passed away.  Always with a smile, and just rolls with the flow of everything.  He was a good man.

coralee715

My father was amazing!  He passed away 12 years ago.  My first hubby was nothing like my dad.  My FI is sooooo much like my dad it is spookily funny.  There are so many things that reminds me of my dad and they just pop out over time. 

Sue-n-Kevin

Thanks for starting this thread, it's interesting.

My Dad is very messy, doesn't clean up after himself.........my fiance is very "cleaning oriented", something I think he got after 22 years in the military. I'm more like my dad, so thankfully my fiance doesn't mind taking over the household chores.

They are both fairly quiet, unassuming people, but once drawn out amongst people they feel comfortable with, are sociable. Both are dedicated to their families and "pushovers" when it comes to their kids.

I never sought out anyone like my Dad. I wanted someone who would respect me, find my contribution to our lives together to be meaningful, and enjoy doing absolutely nothing with me, ie couch-potato, LOL. I found him.

My dad is 85. I pray I get that long with my fiance, but in both of our families, the women sadly outlive the men.

handfast4me

I think my current husband is more like my dad than the my X.  My folks never really loved my X, although they accepted him because of me.  They passed away before I divorced him, and then never met current DH, whom I believe they would have LOVED.  Actually, DH and I met because I was drinking a PBR, my dad's favorite beer, and DH's opening line was "wow, you don't see many attractive women like you drinking PBR."    LOL!!!

MikesAngie

My dad passed away over 9 years ago, but he knew my DH and my DH was the only "boy" my dad ever liked.  The last time I saw him he asked me about my DH and if we were in contact because my dad always liked him.  At that time my DH and I were married to other people.  Had my dad lived he would have been so happy and proud the day we got married.

My dad was a great father, and according to my "mom" he wasn't always a great husband. He drank too much and wouldn't always make time for her. 

My DH is a great father and a great husband - he always makes time for me.  He's outwardly affection and verbally expressive - something my dad wasn't great at he got better when my baby sister was born.

I know that my dad and my DH would've gotten a long great and be good friends because they were when DH and I were teenagers.

Sarahkayfa

My father isn't very much like either my partner or my ex-husband. My ex husband used to pile up stacks of papers and complain he couldn't find anything if I tried to tidy them up, my Dad does the same with my mom.