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Second Weddings

Intro and help?

Hi! I'm Mel and live in San Francisco. My fianc and I are having our wedding a second for both of us in Philly where his family is in June 2013. My previous wedding was a huge formal affair with the focus and finances on the WEDDING instead of the marriage. He never had a wedding for his first, so we're meeting in the middle at a semi formal small wedding.

The problem is my 'look' is and always has been very classic think Talbots. Aside from different colors, I realize all my choices are so traditional they both a look formal, and b are too similar in look and feel to my first. Even the dresses!

Anyone have this problem? Do you force yourself outside the box to a new style to avoid the same guests having a feeling of dj vu? PS last wedding was 9 yrs ago, so feel free to tell me I'm overreacting!

Re: Intro and help?

  • Sure, "your" style hasn't changed in 9 years, but you're marrying a different man now.  If you try to make the wedding suitable to HIS style and personality, then it will definitely be different from the first wedding.

    I changed so much between my first and secnod weddings that it wasn't really an issue for me.    Like you, I've always enjoyed the "classic" look, but this time I was fine with things not necessarily being matchy-matchy.  For example, my two bridesmaids just wore knee-length black dresses that they already owned, instead of me picking out a dress for them both to buy.  
    A few easy ways to make things different, and maybe less formal, while still keeping a "classic" feel:

    - Guys wear black, navy, or grey suits instead of tuxes
    - Girls wear knee-length dresses instead of long dresses
    - Flowers with loosely wrapped stems (more natural gathered look) rather than tightly-wrapped stems
    - Buffet instead of seated meal
    - DJ instead of band (or iPod instead of either)
    - Cupcakes instead of cake (or skip the cake altogether and just serve your favorite dessert -- my sister did peach cobbler and it was a huge hit!)
    - Less structured hair-style and more natural make-up (rather than a structured updo, if you did one first time around).

  • I think instead of comparing the two weddings, you should still go with what you love.  If you don't, you may look back years from now and think "wow, I wish I had chosen. . . . "   I know the classic style (funny you mentioned Talbot's. I was looking through a 2001 Martha Stewart for some Halloween ideas, and there was an ad for a Talbot's skirt that I own, and still wear. ) 

    Anyway, don't make it too much about what you had last time; even by choosing something just to make it different makes it about that first wedding, if you know what I mean.

    Avion has given you some good ideas above, but I think the classics are always the best choices!
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • I did not have a problem choosing my dress or defining my style at all. 

    First, let me share this, I have never been a big fan of wearing a white dress as a bride (for me).  I realize that's counter to societal trends, but that's how I've felt since the second grade, when I made my first Holy Communion -- poufy white dress, white veil, white shoes, etc.  I swore that would be the last time I would parade down the aisle of a Church in a white dress.  And, it was.

    For my first wedding, I wore a custom-made light pink, off-the-shoulder, floor length gown ... think elegant, sleek.  For my second wedding, I wore an off the rack floor length dusk blue gown, layers, flowy and very feminine.

    So, I guess my suggestion is to throw away all social constructs of what a bride "should" wear.  How to you want to feel?  What is your favorite color?  What's the mood/tone you want to set for the wedding and reception?  Open your mind to all possibilities and then go to your favorite stores with those questions answered ... find a personal shopper and see what happens.

    Good luck!

    P.S.  My shoes were custom made pumps, floral print snake skin.  Yeah, definitely spent more on the shoes than the dress. LOL!
  • Go with what you love. You're a classic person, that's one of the things your FI loves about you.

    I had the big, traditional dress/church wedding for my first and it wasn't what I wanted, but it was easier than rocking the boat. In the years that have passed since then, I've always regretted not taking a stand.

    The wedding that my FI and I are planning now is one that we BOTH want. Sure, we're listening to opinions and incorporating them if we like, but our wedding is going to be a reflection of who we are.

    Avion has some great suggestions. I'd add that your choice of venue would make it different as well. The type of ceremony could also be entirely different, but still classic. While I haven't finalized my dress (don't even know where to start there - lol), I know that the men will wear suits not tuxes and the girls will wear knee length dresses. I'm thinking that I'll wear something tea length myself.

    Classics never go out of style, and if you go with something out of character, you likely won't feel comfortable, IMO.
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  • Welcome Mel!

    I think you need to be true to yourself and the vision your fiance fell in love with. If you love classics, then go that route. Everyone above explained why this is different/can be different than your first marriage.

    Choose a style you love in a color you love, and get input from your fiance. Mine didn't care what I wore, LOL.

    Good luck. Looking forward to hearing all about your choices and wedding plans.
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