Moms and Maids

Playing us against each other

My FI's brother got engaged about a month ago and since then it's been hell in that house.  Not because noone likes her, but because my FIL's have decided to start playing the two couples against each other.  First, they couldn't help us with anything, including a rehearsal dinner because they had their wedding to pay for.  Okay, fine, they're both in grad school and maybe need more help.  But then they turned around and told them that they couldn't pay for anything for them because our rehearsal dinner, (that the finally insisted they would pay for so they could write the guest list), was costing SO many dollars that they couldn't help them.  Next it became that we treat them like crap, never want to see them, and make their lives harder.  We never see them because they live in another state, and every time we're up there, we try to make every effort to spend at least an afternoon with them.  We're all trying, we're just so different.  I just can't take being told that i'm being a terrible "sibling" when we're all genuinely trying.  The most recent is my mother in law's insistence that I should've asked FSIL to be in the bridal party.  I didn't ask because they weren't engaged, and for all I knew, might or might not be together by the time the wedding rolled around.  Now they're engaged, but we're a month and a half from my wedding!  What was I supposed to do? 

Am I being too sensitive or are they being irrational?
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Re: Playing us against each other

  • edited December 2011
    Put on your duck feathers and let it run off.. 
    When the chattering starts just politely say..
     I'm sorry that is happen
    I don't really want to think that way.
    Thats unfortunate.
    Oh then never mind
    that's ok i will take care of it.
    No big deal. 

    Shut them off and walk away.. There is nothing you can do except not buy into the drama... and the sooner you start the sooner they will get the idea...( though believe me.. it may take years ) t
  • edited December 2011
    Or you could do the southern thing...

    Smile sweetly, pat them gently on the hand/arm and say, "well bless your heart" while shaking your head ever so slightly.  Then...walk away.

    Stops them in their tracks every time.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • gailpetegailpete member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_playing-against-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:063a7a0a-a62f-4acc-b108-931d4aa8c714Post:88985c4d-7d44-4a00-81bb-01c948953b86">Re: Playing us against each other</a>:
    [QUOTE]Or you could do the southern thing... Smile sweetly, pat them gently on the hand/arm and say, "well bless your heart" while shaking your head ever so slightly.  Then...walk away. Stops them in their tracks every time.
    Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

    <div>LOL, I need to remember this.</div>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_playing-against-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:063a7a0a-a62f-4acc-b108-931d4aa8c714Post:88985c4d-7d44-4a00-81bb-01c948953b86">Re: Playing us against each other</a>:
    [QUOTE]Or you could do the southern thing... Smile sweetly, pat them gently on the hand/arm and say, "well bless your heart" while shaking your head ever so slightly.  Then...walk away. Stops them in their tracks every time.
    Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

    Lol! I am so going to try this!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It sounds to me like they can't afford to do either and are trying to get both couples to tell them to forget paying for anything.  What does your FI say about all of this?
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • edited December 2011
    He gets annoyed at them, because the fact is that they CAN totally afford to pay for it.  It's a matter of not WANTING to.  Which for me is fine, if they don't want to pay for anything, I don't care.  I think the reason that they're paying for our rehearsal dinner, is in a nutshell, that I was adamant I wanted a small rehearsal dinner with just the people who needed to rehearse things, and their spouses.  They wanted a mini wedding, and I said I wasn't paying for it.  That's when they magically found the money to take care of it.  My FI just lets the whole thing slide, and tells me, like you all have, that I should do the same, it's just that they're so excellent at cornering me in a moment where I can't get out of it, and after the thirtieth nasty comment I start to lose my temper. 
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  • Shayyy01Shayyy01 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_playing-against-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:063a7a0a-a62f-4acc-b108-931d4aa8c714Post:88985c4d-7d44-4a00-81bb-01c948953b86">Re: Playing us against each other</a>:
    [QUOTE]Or you could do the southern thing... Smile sweetly, pat them gently on the hand/arm and say, "well bless your heart" while shaking your head ever so slightly.  Then...walk away. Stops them in their tracks every time.
    Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>OH THAT WAS AWESOME!! </div>
  • edited December 2011
    they sound like a bunch of control freaks, just smile and walk away
  • BinxRoseBinxRose member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Muffinsmom....I love that! OP- Just make sure your FI's brother and his FI know whats going on so you dont all get caught on the middle of the drama your in-laws are creating.
    image
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