Moms and Maids

Bachelorette party- Many questions :)

Brief background, and then advice would be appreciated!

I am BM for college best friend. Her MOH is 18 year old, straight edge sister, so I'm throwing this party :). Friend and fiance would like to have festivities together (so not true "bachelorette" party), and in the city they met in, which is nearby for many, but a number of people and the guests of honor will be coming from across the state. 

General plan is dinner and night on the town at all their old favorite spots. Possibly rent a cottage close enough to walk it instead of limo (in a small beach town), but no guarantees. 

First: I would like to plan something for just the ladies in the afternoon that 1. MOH can attend and enjoy, and 2. Everyone will enjoy. My thoughts are golf or picture scavenger hunt or some kind of "spa day" at the rented place. Any ideas/thoughts?

Next: Invites or word of mouth or what?

Also: What's appropriate as far as who pays and how do I address it if it's split? From other boards, it seems normal for guests to chip in on any rentals/activities that they use/participate in, and that will be easy for golf or dinner, but I'm not sure how that would work for things that will be paid for up front. First of all, I don't want anyone to pay or feel responsible for something they either didn't use or want. I don't know many people on the guest list, so I don't have the option of addressing it casually. I'm comfortable footing the larger part of the bill and many items will go along with hostessing, but I want to do this right!

Re: Bachelorette party- Many questions :)

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Any recreational sport is always enjoyable to everyone even though it isn't anything "grand" it is still fun. Spa Day, going to a sporting event, making something (ex. jewelry, candles, scrapbook), tubing, canoeing on the water.

    You always should send out invites but as for the doing certain activities like sporting event, spa day, etc you need to say by word of mouth how much they are going to be (facebook is really good in getting the word out).

    As for paying, you first have to ask the other BMs IF they want to contribute and which method do they want to contribute be it money (how much they feel comfortable in giving), food, or decorations. THEN you make the final determination on what you want to do for the party making sure it is within everyone who wants to budget. As for none BMs guests, they should know that events that you go to each person (besides the Bride) pays for their own way.

    I think those are the basics of planning. Remember just because the Bride/Groom may want something doesn't mean you nor the other BMs need to do it. Whatever you have in mind in and are comfortable in spending should be one of your main priorities. 
  • bstentbstent member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I was a BM a few years ago for a good friend and we did a picture scavenger hunt, it was a blast! I've also done the spa day bachelorette party and it was fun as well.For both of the stagettes that I've planned, I used either facebook, email, or phone to contact people for invites. I'm not sure what the regular customs are in different places but here it would have seemed weirdly formal to send actual invitations for a stagette.In terms of who pays for what, for the first stagette the bride's family paid for most of the costs (decorations, food, drinks). For the second stagette, we went to a health spa for the weekend and the bride had a guestlist of 16 people she wanted invited (13 came). I absolutely do not have the financial means to host 13 women at a spa for the weekend, so there was a cost for each person coming. Because I knew the number being invited I gave each person a quote of how much accommodations would cost, and then based on that they could decide if they were comfortable going or not. One girl contacted me and offered to do a big grocery shop and everyone (except the bride) chipped in $10 (this was optional - they could bring their own food if they wanted). One of the other bridesmaids offered to make a cooler of an alcoholic punch drink, and most of the guests slipped her $5 if they wanted to drink it, and otherwise brought their own drinks. I was MOH and paid for the bride's spa treatments and other little expenses that came up.In terms of how to address it, I think you should figure out what everything will cost, what you're willing and able to pay for yourself and what you're hoping to get help with. Be up front about any costs so that people can make informed decisions about whether they can afford to come or not. There's nothing worse than surprise costs on a group trip!
  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bachelorette-party-many-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:09bc5dc5-8ac2-43d7-9a3b-a9bec9ff3185Post:9d0fd888-0d98-41d7-9da8-3e05a6a44764">Re: Bachelorette party- Many questions :)</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong> In terms of how to address it, I think you should figure out what everything will cost, what you're willing and able to pay for yourself and what you're hoping to get help with. Be up front about any costs so that people can make informed decisions about whether they can afford to come or not.</strong> There's nothing worse than surprise costs on a group trip!
    Posted by bstent[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>No, you need to ASK FIRST, then plan. Just like any party you need to know a budget because there might be people who can't spend more than $15 on something PLUS have to buy their own way in on certain activities. If you plan, then ask for X amount, their are going to be BMs that might have a problem with it and are annoyed that they had NO say in planning and feel pressured in paying. So ask the BMs their budgets first or if they even WANT to help, then plan the party.</div><div>
    </div>
  • edited December 2011
    A fun idea to do with just the ladies is to have a lingerie shower / party. Each person brings a sexy piece of lingerie for the bride and the bride guesses who it came from. If the bride guesses wrong, you make her do something silly (reveal a dirty secret, take a shot, etc.). It was a really fun way to start he night at the bachelorette party I was at last weekend!
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