Moms and Maids

Maid of Honor hates her dress :(

Hi!  I'm new to the knot, but I've been reading through some posts and I've seen some really insightful advice.  I'm hoping I can benefit from some of it.

To sum it up, the bridesmaid dresses we ordered from Etsy (which came three months later than promised) turned out super thin and cheap looking.  To top it off they were a "tiffany blue" instead of of "robin's egg blue", which my mom took great issue with.  She told me she would cover the cost of the Etsy dresses if we got new ones, but with less than six weeks to the wedding I was a little stressed about that prospect.

We had a smallish budget, $100 per dress max, but I pulled two dresses from Nordstrom Rack, one from H&M, and any of the JCrew dresses in hydrangea (on clearance!).  H&M unfortunately said the dress we liked on their website wouldn't be out in stores until early June, which was a little risky to wait to see if it fit (my girls are all on the busty side).  Between the dresses left, the girls all  decided on the JCrew dress and two of the three girls bought them right away.  My Maid of Honor agreed on the dress, but the next day I had an email asking if she could wear one of three other yellow dresses (my colors are blue & yellow, the other girls are wearing blue).  I told her I'd prefer they all wear the same color, and showed her a few alternate styles in the same color available in the given price range on ebay.  She went ahead and bought the dress the other two girls bought anyway.

Fast forward a week and the dresses are delivered.  I get a text from her saying the dress is in.  I asked her how it looked and she said and its hideous on her body type, but she'll be changing after pictures anyway.  

Now I feel really bad.  I feel guilty I made her spend money on a dress she doesn't like, and then I feel angry that she dumped that on me knowing there was nothing I could do, and then I feel guilty for feeling so frustrated that she doesn't just "suck it up".  It may be my wedding but she's my best friend and I do want her to be happy. 

I told her I didn't mind if she changed after the pictures, but I don't know if there is anything else I can do so she doesn't feel uncomfortable.  I'm feeling very sad and frustrated right now.

Re: Maid of Honor hates her dress :(

  • Have you seen the dress on her?  Does it honestly look ill-fitted on her?  I ask because while it's great you've been working with her on options, and that she's going to wear the dress for the ceremony, I wouldn't want one of my nearest and dearest to wear a dress that didn't flatter her.  If she's truly uncomfortable with the fit, it's probably going to show in her posture and pose, too.

    I'd see what can be done about returning the ill-fitting dress and replacing it with a style that is more flattering.  I know you're under a bit of a time crunch, but it might be worth a few phone calls or emails to the original store and to the eBay vendors to have your MOH be comfortable during your ceremony.


  • You're a good friend, OP.  I think the two posters above gave good advice, but I wanted to let you know that you really are doing everything correctly here.  Hopefully the two of you can reach an agreement over a dress that doesn't leave her uncomfortable and your guilty about it.

    Good luck!!
  • I think you have your heart in the right place and I think you have tried to do the right thing all along.

    My question is this:  did YOU choose the style(s) alone or did you discuss with your girls what does and doesn't look good on their body types.

    I absolutely never order a dress from the net or a catalog because it looks great on that model and never looks great on me.  I have to try things on before I buy or I am usually quite disappointed.

    If she feels she looks hideous it will show and she is probably devastated that she feels she will look awful for your wedding.  I really hope you don't just expect her to "suck it up."

    Can't she just go shopping and buy something off the rack that she feels good in?  Since she is the MOH is isn't unusual for her to have something different.
  • SB1512SB1512 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    Would you be that upset if she wore a yellow dress instead of the blue, OP?  From your post, it sounds as though she preffered the style of one of the 3 other yellow dresses, so if you want her to feel comfortable and feel like she looks great, I'd let her wear one of the yellow dresses.  Or, let her find a close matching blue somewhere else?  As others pointed out, it's not uncommon for the MOH to have something different.
  • Thank you ladies.  Jaclyn's idea might work, I'll mention it to her.  There was an option on ebay that seems more her style.  I showed it to her before, but it might be worth mentioning again.  Someone else suggested seeing if she could have it altered to be more to her taste as well. 

    She has an hourglass figure (they all do actually) and she usually likes her clothes to show off her curves.  I think this one is a little conservative for her, being knee length and having a higher neckline than she's used to, and that's why she doesn't feel attractive in it.  This is the dress - Click!   and this is the one she wants/is changing into afterwards Here. She's a big flashy fabulous jersey girl and I'm a bit more demure, so our styles don't mesh well.  I'm sure I'll have plenty of pay back when I'm baring cleavage and dripping rhinestones for her wedding!

    I did go to three big department store together with two of the bridesmaids (they're in NJ, PA, and WA) with no luck.  With the time constraints (bridal stores needed six weeks even with the rush fee) and scheduling conflicts ordering online was our last option. 

    And I swear its only a tiny part of me that feels she should suck it up (we've all done it for bridesmaid dresses), but that's really just all this wedding stress getting to me and then this on top.  In reality I love her to death and want her to feel happy and confident at the wedding. 
  • I still think your heart is in the right place here and wedding stress gets to every bride as the time draws near.  I do have to say I've never seen a BM dress as short as the one she is after....
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