Moms and Maids

Re: wedding

  • I dont see the problem with FMIL throwing a shower for her side of the family. Your sisters will save money and the lists won't need to be cut.
  • As far as the second groom's-side shower.  I am getting married in September as well.  My FMIL is asking about whether we'd like a shower with their side of the family, as they are 3.5 hours from us and 4.5 hours from my family.  This is fine with me, if they choose to host the party, and I have seen it both ways, so I don't think it's abnormal to have a shower on each side.  Maybe, just look at it as nice that they want to host a party, even though they may have limited funds for other wedding-related items.

    Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.
  • In Response to <a href=" Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1b22728d-71cb-43eb-b42f-ded0b883b87bPost:d5517e32-b1d9-49af-b013-a499e8e85eb5">Bridal Shower, Future MIL Issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really need some help and advice here.  Me and my finace are getting married on 09/23/12. My sister's are throwing me a bridal shower in June. One of my sister's live out of state and she is flying up specifically for the shower. Orginially we were planning on having it a resteraunt to accomodate people, if we invited all the people both sides wanted to invite it would have turned out to be over 50 people. <strong>My fiance asked his parent's if they were willing to contribute anything to the wedding, and they can not, so it's all on my family and my fiance, they can't even pay for our rehearsal dinner.</strong>We are having a large wedding 160 people. In light of the fact that they can't contribute my sister's suggested we cut costs  & have the Bridal Shower at my parent's house and they will use the money we will be saving to help with the flowers, cake etc. My parent's don't have a big house so we have to cut both sides of the guest list for the shower.  On my side of the family we have cut our list and I polietely sent my FMIL an email asking her if she could cut her list and explained the situation and why. She emailed me back saying she can't cut her list back and offered to throw a seperate shower for just her side of the family!<strong> I don't know if this is normal or not, it was my understanding that usually these things are kept together so families can get to know one another</strong>. I am very upset with her for not working with me since she is not contributing any $$ to the wedding. My future SIL is giving birth to her first child in May and my FMIL is worried that she can't attend because of the baby, but I think that's a bunch of nonsense because I told her the baby is of course more than welcome and if she can't come I would understand.<strong> I am upset that she suggested we do another shower date because of her daughter having a baby. Am I being unfair in feeling this way? 
    </strong>Posted by shreyaj[/QUOTE]

    If they are unable to contribute towards the rehearsal dinner, then you have to accept that.  It is no one's business to make judgments in regards to another's financial affairs.

    Your sisters have a great suggestion!  If the house is too small, do any of you know someone that belongs to a neighborhood pool that has a recreation center?  Maybe someone has a nice office set-up and it could be held there.  If you know of anyone that lives in an apartment community, have them look into whether or not they can rent the clubhouse area for the afternoon.  I am sure if all of you get together, you could come up with an alternate location to accommodate everyone. 

    If that doesn't work out and your FMIL cannot attend b/c of the upcoming baby and has offered to host a separate shower, be gracious and accept it.  It sounds as if the FMIL is trying to be as accommodating as possible in regards to hosting a shower for you.  Yes, you are being unfair in feeling that way.  A birth of a child is more important than your shower.....if you have children, then you should understand.  If not, now that when you are pregnant one day, you will want your mother right by your side :)  Also, it is not recommended that newborns go out amongst the public for several weeks after their birth until they receive their first round of shots and whatnot.

    Suck it up and accept the alternate shower.  Be gracious that you have such a loving group of friends and family that are willing to throw you not only one shower, but TWO!


  • In Response to <a href=" Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:1b22728d-71cb-43eb-b42f-ded0b883b87bPost:e24eae05-6a1c-4055-8e65-ffe864ae625b">Re: Bridal Shower, Future MIL Issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bridal Shower, Future MIL Issue :    ....Be gracious that you have such a loving group of friends and family that are willing to throw you not only one shower, but TWO!
    Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]

    Exactly.  My sisters threw a shower/bbq for us.  My H's family, nothing. It never even occurred to them until after they heard about my family's shower.
  • edited March 2012
    It's not unusual among my social group for the MOB and MOG to host separate showers. This works very well for families that are too large to host at one event or for those that live far apart. Usually the mothers are invited to both, but attend only if it's convenient.

    Your sisters, who are hosting your shower, have the right to limit the number of guests for their party. Your FMIL has graciously offered a solution that will benefit everyone.

    I am upset that she suggested we do another shower date because of her daughter having a baby. Am I being unfair in feeling this way? Posted by shreyaj
    Yes, I think you are being unfair. Your FMIL is going to put the birth of her first (and second, third etc...) grandchild over a shower date.  Babies trump weddings. Be glad that FSIL still wants to celebrate with you, closer to her home.
  • Why did you delete OP?

    It's been quoted so it's here to stay.....


  • I think you need to stop expecting people to contribute to your wedding.  You really can't be mad at your FILs for not contributing...they are not required to.

    Having separate showers is completely normal.  I think a lot of people are bending over backwards to make you happy and you should be grateful instead of complaining.

    Finally, any birth of a grandchild will trump any pre-wedding party.  Period.

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