Moms and Maids

In laws are making me crazy.

Three of my bridesmaids are my future sister in laws... and two of them are nothing but trouble.  My sisters and girlfriends have bent over backwards for us planning our jack and jill... and bachelorette party.  If I need help they are there....  My FSILs are complete opposite.... 

They are critical of everything I do and cause drama whenever possible.  One of them got mad at me because she thought I should have thanked her for my engagement ring since my fiance (her brother asked for their help)...  then they didn't think I should be going bridesmaid dress shopping when I planned for.... It took two months to find a date that worked for everyone and then they tried to can it with ridiculous excuses.  Ironically I had picked out a couple of dresses at the dress shop we were going to but said nothing to them because I knew they would put up a fight whether they liked them or not.  Well joke is on you guys because they picked out the dress I wanted without even knowing.... Anyways... when my sisters asked for help with the Jack and Jill they ignored them...  But then criticized my sister because she hadnt sent an email specifically to their husbands.  Then one of them didn't come because she was going shopping instead.  (she has attacked me every opportunity whether wedding or otherwise...one incident because we couldn't attend one of her parties because we had plans already)  Anyways...
now two of these sisters were grilling my fiance when i wasn't around... saying we never should have registered for gifts because what we need is money for a house.   (this coming from someone who registers for her birthday and christmas).  And they want to know when I am going to host my bridal shower.  excuse me?!  And if I wasn't going to have a shower then we defnitely should not have registered.  We don't need anything because we already live together.  I was like what?!  I was so mad when my fiance told me this. 

I said to him well... they are bridesmaids and my experience as a bridesmaid usually they host the shower or a family member or friend does... not the bride.  Seeing that my sisters and family put on the jack and jill maybe your sisters can host a shower for your family so that I can meet these people before our wedding. If they don't that's fine... I am not going to tell them what to do and I expect the same in return. But I will not be hosting my own shower.  Apparently when one of the sisters got married she hosted her own bridal shower.  (Which resulted in quite a bit of family drama with who she invited and didn't)  And it's our business to register or not.... At no point did we say we wanted only money.  We discussed that if we were to get money as a gift we are putting it into savings for a house.  When we moved in together we came with what we each had.. mismatched dishes, sheets and towels not that i have explain myelf to these girls.  I am sorry if I would like to have matching sets not a college mish mash.  I said my family does not typically give money they give gifts so I am not getting rid of our registry.

Bottom line is I am really getting sick and tired of these girls.... for now I keep my mouth shut... but I hate the feeling of my back going up everytime my fiance mentions their name.  He knows where I stand and he feels the same way as I do but feels its his family so what can he do.  Now I understand why people elope.

Re: In laws are making me crazy.

  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Your FSILs do kind of sound like they are being pains, but I think you're overreacting.  They are allowed to have opinions, just because they express their opinions doesn't mean they are "attacking" you.  So they think you shouldn't have registered.  Big deal.  They're entitled to think that.

    Good for you for not hosting your own shower and for not asking them to.  Stick to that.  Though, the Jack and Jill shower definitely counts as a shower, so it's not like you need another one.  However, get over the fact that one of them didn't come.  In the grand scheme of life, it's not a big deal.

    Overall, I think you're probably being a little sensitive and they're probably being a little bitchy.

    One last thing, for your future posts, please try to use proper grammar and separate your post into paragraphs.  It makes reading a lot easier.  And, cutting down on the ellipses (...) couldn't hurt, either.  And "anyways" isn't a word, but that's more of a pet peeve of mine.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm sorry.  Since you already asked them to be in the WP theres not much else to be done. :(  I would only share need to know information with them.  Learn to Bean Dip!

    FSIL: Your such and such is hideous.

    You:  Thats nice.  Have you tried the bean dip?  It is fantastic!  

    FSIL: Your idea is stupid.

    You:  This bean dip is really quite delicious.  Are you sure you wouldn't like some?


     Also-I wouldn't hold my breath about them throwing you a shower.
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  • edited December 2011
    I actually don't share my plans with them. I am not interested in what they think. It's that they think that they have a right to tell us what to do and what we shouldn't be doing. That being married before makes them experts.  I appreciate that not everyone wants to hear about my plans.  I was a bridesmaid to someone who could only talk about her wedding, that's it for the entire two years she was engaged.  I know that my own sister is not interested in hearing all the details to my plans. However my other sister does, so that's who I share ideas and plans with. I don't share them with his sisters because it's never a positive experience.  They take the opportunity when I am not around to go after my fiance.  I have had to ask him to either take a step back from the conversation or not tell me what they said.  I am not going to change things because of what they said.

    I wish I could say that I am being too sensitive but I am actually verbally attacked and abused with emails from my fiance's sister. (I was trying to not get into too much detail because it could go on.)   It's not a matter that she didn't come to our Jack and Jill, lots of people didn't.  It's the fact that when we couldn't attend a dinner party she hosted because we had plans with someone else, you would have thought we had murdered someone the way she carried on and reacted.   We simply said sorry you can't make it.  It's how absolutely hypocritcal they are.  They have nothing nice to say at all ever.  Unfortunately it was for my fiance that they are in the WP.  I wanted all my sibilings involved and he as well.  So what else could I do.

  • saric83saric83 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Besides the good advice PP's gave you, I would also suggest reiterating with your fiance not to share what they say about you.  They're his family, and he needs to take the lead on dealing with their stupid behavior.  He's a big boy and should have figured out how to deal with his sisters by now. 

    But as for you dealing with them, unfortunately, you're going to be stuck with them for a long time, so I would start practicing deflecting the conversation.  Obviously, it doesn't always work, but it's quite effective when you just smile and curtly say, "Thanks for your opinion.  We'll take it into consideration."  and then be done with the conversation.  If they keep talking, keeping saying the same sentence over and over, and they'll get annoyed and stop trying to talk with you. 

    Good luck!
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Why the bloody hell is your FI telling you the awful things they say about you?
  • edited December 2011
    They sound biitchy and annoying, and I suggest that you try to keep your distance.  If they ask you about your shower, mention to them that it is VERY rude for the bride and groom to host a party in their own honor.  Tell them you'd be delighted if someone threw you a shower but you certainly don't expect it.  

    Keep your registry active just in case someone throws you a shower or if someone wants to get you a gift before the wedding.  Having it there won't hurt - many people will ask if you are registered so they know what to get.

    Lastly,  a Jack and Jill is still a shower so don't be heartbroken if you don't get a second shower.  
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I see you are from Canada.  Is your Jack and Jill a couples shower or one of those parties that raises money for you guys?

    I want to know what your FI is doing about this.  Yes, he absolutely needs to stop repeating what they say to you, but what is he doing to put a stop to it? 
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