About to lose it with Aunts. Vent/How do I handle this gracefully

blahblah85

So, my Aunt and her family are up from Texas.  No biggie.  The only thing is it means I have to be around my other Aunt( we will call her Aunt , who completely screwed my mom over several years ago when they had a resturant together.  She stole money from the business, then went around town and told everyone my mom did it.  My mom's credit was ruined because of this woman.  I was a waitress, and she'd scream at me when the till was off, and she was the reason it was off!  Shes screwed over everyone in the family.  I want to tell this woman to go die in a fire whenever I see her, but because my Aunt from Texas has asked my mom to keep the peace, nothing gets said. 

Friday we ended up going over to Aunt B's house to pick up some of Aunt T's kids.  Aunt T asks me if my FI minds me staying out so late, or if I need to call him.  (We were going to a drive-in movie, and they typically show two movies instead of 1, and I live almost an hour away from my parents.) I said, "No bigggie, FI lets me do what I want."  Aunt B gives me this incredulous look, and says, "Well, you shouldn't be doing what you want.  You are an engaged woman."  What I felt like responding with was, "Oh Aunt B, you should know a lot about being engaged!  You've done it five times!"  Yes, this woman has been married FIVE times, and thinks she has room to pass out advice on marriage, and how to act properly during an engagement!  Did it cross her stupid mind that maybe I am not FI's property, but his partner? 

Sooooo, yeah.  In a few hours we are having a picnic for the fourth at my mom's.  Her with her stupid face will be there.  How do I resist the urge to tell her to go F**k herself?  How do I stop hating this woman so much?

perkins81

Wow! I'd be frustrated too. But once you calm down, please realize that no matter what, you have to be the mature one (since obviously your aunt is not). Whenever she gets on your nerves and says things that are inappropriate and rude, take a deep breath before you respond and then say something calmy, but truthfully. It is ok to stand up for yourself, but do so with calmness and maturity. Perhaps in the situation you described, you could have told her what you told us: "Aunt B, I am not my FI's property, but his partner. He and I have a very good relationship and he respects me as a woman and as an adult. He does not dictate what I do, but we have an open communication between us and we work together as partners." Then leave it at that and let her be the one that looks bad, especially if she keeps going on about it.

Good luck!

em01092

I agree with PP. You can either ignore it or casually throw out the fact that he trusts you and respects you as a partner. 

But I'd be tempted to say something snarky too. It's hard, but in the long run it's not worth it. Try and think about all of the positive people in your life instead of dwelling on this one who is negative. 

astormo

I hope this will help:

I have an uncle who screwed over my family for many years. He even lied about having a brain tumor. All family members refuse to have anything to do with him, except my mom who gets taken advantage of. So I KNOW wanting to say something, and I said some very horrible and awful things about him. All the things I said were true, but they still did not need to be said. I apologized but know it was hurtful even if I was feeling protective.

If you can suck it up, take the high road, and not say anything you really will feel better about yourself.

MairePoppy

I agree with Retread

You've heard that saying, 'fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.'
Keep your distance from your aunt so she can't take advantage of you again.

blahblah85

Things went swimmingly at the party.  She left early.  Granted, it was because my parents brought out their dog who she claims tries to hump her, and everyone he sees.  He did not hump anyone.  This was actually her excuse to try and get to have the party over at her house.  All over my parents dog supposedly humping her. 


  We all had a great time.  I generally ignored her.  I just...well, it pisses me off that I have to have this woman at my wedding.  It makes me so angry.  She can hurt other people, and nothing happens to her.  No karmatic justice.  Nothing. 

....Maybe I can have my parent's dog as my ring bearer? 

TheFutureMrsFreckles

I can't lie, I kinda like confrontation, especially when it's someone who has been allowed to hurt others with no repurcussions. 

Confrontation's fine if it's done quietly and politely. If it were me I'd schedule a time to either meet or call Aunt B**** (lol) and explain that you too would like to keep the peace, and the only way you see to do that is to distance yourself. "I think we will both benefit from this distance, and so I'm sure you understand that coming to this wedding is not an option for you."

Of course, she'll try to drag your name through the mud with your family, but they should understand, based on her past behaviours. What a psycho.

Good luck!

MairePoppy

Good doggy : )

I don't agree with using dogs as ringbearers, but in your case, I would make an exception.

Glad that your shower went well. Assume your wedding will be wonderful, too.