Moms and Maids

Overhelming FMIL

I got along with my FMIL really well until the engagement. Now all she talks about is the wedding. We tried to ignore her, change the subject, FI asked her to slow down a bit but nothing helped.

Our excitement from the wedding is gone and we got to the point when we feel like we just want it to be over. It is hard to keep anything secret from her because the wedding is taking place in my FI home town and she knows all the vendors. If we do things different from her ideas then they are all wrong. In her opinior our wedding is going to be a total disaster because we do not want to do it her way.

We even tried to incorporate her in wedding plans, so she doesnt feel left out but that was the worst decision ever. I like her and respect her as my FI mother but I am loosing my patience.

All my life I have fought with my parents because of the respect. I am 28 and they still treat me like a child, so my FMIL behavior makes me really nervous and angry at the same time. I do not want to get in fight with her but I am desperate.

My FI leared to ignore her and do thing his way, so she talks to me. I can ignore her to a certain point but when I say NO for the 100th time it is really hard for me to stay calm. As I said my FI talked to her but it was a waste of time. We are both the first in our families to get married so  I understand she is super excited, but I have some feelings too and would like her to accept them.

Re: Overhelming FMIL

  • edited December 2011
    If she is paying for the wedding, you do have to honor her ideas.  If she isn't, then stand your ground.  Step one is not talking about the wedding with her.  You should never bring it up.  If she brings it up, just keep changing the subject. 

    FMIL - "I think you should have a bouquet of pink pansies."
    You - "Thanks for your idea.  Did you see the Americal Idol finale?
    FMIL - "Pansies are pretty."
    You - "I can't believe that country singer won."
    FMIL - "Aren't you listening to me?  You must have pink pansies!"
    You - "I appreciate your ideas and enthusiasm, but I do not want to talk about the wedding now."

    If FMIL continues, simply walk away or end the phone conversation (ie, dinner is burning, gotta go!)
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  • edited December 2011
    we are paying for the wedding. I had the same problem with my parents at the begining but they stopped after we had really big fight. Now they are really supporting and nice.

    Since I cannot and do not want to get it fight with FMIL I guess changing the subject is the only solution. And this is only a stupid wedding, I am affraid what will happen once we have kids, since she wants to be in charge of everything.

    thank you for the advice.
  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think that your best, and maybe only, option is to limit your conversations with her. Don't let her bring the wedding into things any more than is absolutely necessary. Your profile says that your wedding is in Aug of this year, so you should have most everthing decided on. If your FMIL tries to tell you what she thinks, I'd just tell her thanks, but you've already paid for X. She can't do a whole lot if you've already made the decisions and orders are in. 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_overhelming-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3ea4fff9-aeb7-4f9e-8572-ba652009d9a6Post:93d46b8a-a56d-4ba0-9eb6-070ceabfdceb">Re: Overhelming FMIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]we are paying for the wedding. I had the same problem with my parents at the begining but they stopped after we had really big fight. Now they are really supporting and nice. Since I cannot and do not want to get it fight with FMIL I guess changing the subject is the only solution. And this is only a stupid wedding, I am affraid what will happen <strong>once we have kids</strong>, since she wants to be in charge of everything. thank you for the advice.
    Posted by katpet[/QUOTE]

    <div>You're right that she will only be worse when you have kids, so it's important to set your boundaries now. Since this is his mother, your fiancé should make it crystal clear to her that it's not okay for her to boss either of you around (I assume he's in agreement with you anyway, since you mentioned him telling her to cool it).</div>
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