FMIL is fashion challenged.

stbMrsVidrine2010

i need some help.

my FMIL is very...shall we say "fashion challenge"
for example: i attended My Fiance's cousins wedding with her and although its was a casual wedding, she looked a little to casual... it looked like she threw on some clothes real quick to go shopping at WalMart...[actully i would even go to walmart in the outfit] she had on a dark blueish collared button up shirt  that was about 3 sizes too big on her . . . on blue jeans [which werent really that bad]  exept on leg was tucked in to her black UGG style boots [but being boot cut jeans the were all wrinkly where they were tucked in] and the other leg was hald tucked and half out. she never wears makeup and her hair is never ever fixed. . . .

the point of all that was to say...
I AM ABSOULTLY TERRIFIED OF WHAT SHE IS GOING TO WEAR TO MY WEDDING.! with her being the MOG shes goign to be in alot of pics and and be slightly envoled in the ceremony and i really dont want her to look bad. and i def dont want to look back at my wedding pics of our families and remember her dressing like shes about to go grocery shopping....

so my question is [sorry i tend to ramble]:
how to i bring this up to her or my Fiance with out offending her.
a friend of mine suggested i bring her shopping for the outfit and just make it seem like i want to spend time with her....however ...me and her don't really have a great relationship.. so that would seem kinda odd. also she's not really the shopping type... so i cant pass it off as just a day of reg shopping.

PLEASE HELP

stbMrsVidrine2010

woundn't* go to walmary in that outfit

bethsmiles

Your friends suggestion is pretty much the only polite way. Use it as an oppertunity to work on your relationship with her. Maybe take your mom too? Anything else will be rude.

emarston1

Sorry but I couldn't get through your post because of your awful spelling and punctuation problems...

But, from what I gather you are being overdramatic about what your FMIL will wear to the wedding.  She is a grown woman and responsible for dressing herself.  If she dresses poorly for the wedding, that is not a reflection on you, only her.

The only tactful way to approach this is to offer to go shopping with her.  Doing anything else would be extremely rude and would not help your already strained relationship.  Let it go because there really isn't anything you can do about it so there's no point in stressing.

banana468

It sounds like FMIL is both fashion and possibly socially challenged when it comes to dressing.

That said, these are HER issues.

You can offer to take her shopping for the wedding.  The other idea is to also be very excited and with your mom's permission say, "Oooh!  I just found out that this is the dress my mom is wearing to the wedding!   Isn't it great!"

Beyond that, anything on her attire would not be for you to bring up.   

JennaHR

My mom tends to dress on the "young" side, although, think young, uninhibited, and (do i dare?) smutty. At my brother's wedding last year she attempted to match the BM Watermelon pink attire, and ended up in a striped hot-pink/peach mini.  Anyway, I am offering to take her shopping for her dress. She's not very well off, so I'm offering to buy it too, and possibly take her with me to get out hair done the day of.
   I'm mostly doing this because I want the pictures with my mother on my wedding day to be something that we can both be proud of when hanging on my wall. 
   Attempting to have a conversation with her about her style would be awful, and alienating to her. Best approach is the shopping trip.

duckie1905

These are her issues and not yours.  She is an adult and is capable of making fashion decisions for herself, even if they don't fit the formality of the event.

Her poor dress decisions will reflect poorly on her, not you.  There is no polite way to tell a grown woman how to dress.  You can suggest shopping with her but if you don't have a great relationship she'll probably see right through it, making the situation worse.

sophistryliz

While I agree that these are your future mother-in-law's problems, her fashion issues are also your problem as well.  I think you should offer to taker her shopping because you don't want her showing up in some awful get up like she did at your cousin's wedding.  I don't think it's rude to be worried about that.  From what you've said, I'd be a bit worried, too!

stbMrsVidrine2010

i know it's her problems. however, like JennaHR said i want the pictures of us and our family to be something we are both proud to put up in our houses. . .
thanks for the advice.... i guess the better question is how can i get her to go shopping with me with out her seeing right through the plan??

AutumnFair

The best way to make it more "comfortable" is to do a MOB/MOG co-shopping trip, unless they really don't like each other and if thats the case find someone on his side, aunt, cousin, niece to go. That would be the best way for her to not seem like you dictating what she is going to wear. This should also be a casual invite like "hey FMIL, my mom (or insert someone FMIL is more comfortable in being with) was going to look at dresses, would you like to come too? It would be a fun shopping trip." 

raniacharles

I would spend less time worrying about what your FMIL wears and more time devoted to your spelling and grammar.  She may be as horrified by your spelling/grammar as you are by her dress. 

tommyandy

Make it a girls day out bonding type of thing.  Take both moms & the MOH.  

starryskies407

do you have the funds to offer to take her shopping and buy her dress, maybe as a birthday gift or mothers days gift?

if not, then just deal with it.

jessann34

I'm afraid I may be in the same situation soon. I think I'm going to suggest me, my mom, and my sister as well as my fiance's sister and mom all go shopping for the MOB and MOG outfits. That way we can all get to know each other better and give the best advise on what looks the best. Plus, I'll probably pay to have her hair and make-up done the day of the wedding. And, just act like it's a present for her and my mom too.

dapoetic1

All of you all criticizing her grammer need to get over yourselves. This is an informal blog, and not an editorial for the NY Times. It's funny how you think it's important that she have impeccable grammer but can't understand why the bride wants important members of her wedding party to dress appropriately. It's all about context. There is nothing wrong with being concerned that the MOG will look out of place and odd. It's not just about the MOG, there is something to be said for the way a significant member of the family shows up to the wedding. 1) That person doesn't care enough about the bride/groom to find out what's appropriate 2) The bride/groom didn't care enough about the person to let them in on the dress code. Either way the bride doesn't want people to think it's either, and therefore has a right to make her FMIL feel included by making sure she looks the part.

If your FMIL has email maybe you could send her a picture of some styles that the MOB is planning to wear, or send her pics of dress or pants outfits that you think would look appropriate. You can arrange them not only in terms of formality, but also by color so the MOG has an idea of your complete taste. Tell her that it's important to you that she look like a member of the wedding party and that it's important to you and the groom that she be included in the dress scheme as much as possible. If she's not a frilly dress person acknowledge that, and ask if there's any questions she has or ask if she would like to do a shopping day. It's typical for the MoB to give the MoG a little heads up. So you could also just send her a few ideas and tell her that you wanted to make sure the two moms were similar in style and didn't clash. You may find that she appreciates being included. Good luck!