Should I ask her to be BM?

OwningAHome1981

I'm going back and forth with whether I should ask my cousin to be a BM or not. Obv I love my cousin so this is why it's such a hard decision. I already have 6 girls. My cousin is 4 years younger than me and lives 4 hours away. I wouldn't say she is autistic but she is delayed with her judgment, on like a 7th grade reading level (she's 26) and not very independent. I feel her being a BM might be a difficult task for her and being that she is 4 hours away she would not be able to get the dresses with the rest of my girls. Ultimately my aunt needs to be involved but my aunt just went through a horrible divorce, lost her home and has no money so I feel like to put a burden of now having to buy my cousins dress on her is wrong. I asked my aunt what I should do and my aunt said do what I want my cousin wouldn't care either way- wouldn't be offended if I didn't ask her but prob would not be super excited either. I just feel like I shouldn't not ask her just bc of the kind of person she is- how can I discriminate like that? On the flipside, I don't know if it's going to just add additional stress for me trying to coordinate everything with her and my aunt. My mom says I should not ask my cousin. I just feel like I'd feel guilty if I didnt. What do u guys think?

mcskatcat

Are you actually good friends with your cousin or not?  I don't think the Autistic thing should matter at all, frankly.  You made it sound like you're concerned about her not fitting in or being overwhelmed, but being a BM isn't difficult.  All you really need is for her to get the dress and show up.  

It sounds like everyone is okay with you not asking her - your mom, your aunt and it sounds like your cousin won't even particularly care.  Have your nearest and dearest be next to you on that day.  If your cousin is one of your closest friends, then I think you should include her.

CowgirlK39

I am having severe BM issues, mostly due to OOT issues and the "could care less" attitude. So let me suggest you not ask her. Do not do it because you feel obligated because she is your cousin, or handicapped, or whatever reason you are thinking. You know for a fact she won't be that into it, so why bother? You wouldn't put in a friend who proclaimed herself indifferent, so why do that for family? Save yourself the issues that will probably arise from having a WP member who honestly isn't interested.

[Deleted User]

From what you say about your aunt, I wouldn't ask her.  You're right in thinking it would put further stress on your aunt that just went through a lot.

MangoSong

I'm sure your cousin would be ecstatic about being asked and would probably try really hard to help out. Give her jobs that you think she could handle. 

As for being worried about your aunt's financial situation and paying for the dress - maybe consult your aunt BEFORE you ask your cousin. See what she says. If anything, maybe offer to pay for the dress, or even half.