Do I have a right to be upset?

lovetorunyeah

One of my bridesmaids just told me that she isn't sure if she can come to my shower because they have to go to her husbands cousin's high school graduation party out of town on the same day.  I was okay with that until a few days later she told me she wouldn't be coming to our reception either (we are having our reception a few weeks after our wedding) because they have a family reunion that same weekend.  

I am trying to stay positive and be happy that she will at least be there for the actual wedding, but I am feeling a little hurt that she won't be at the other events, especially since I was in her wedding and did all her wedding stuff.  She also had a baby a few months ago and I was the one who threw her a shower and was involved with all her baby stuff.  

Do you think I have a right to feel hurt?

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_do-i-have-a-right-to-be-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5cc6fa9d-ccab-4d36-96e1-13ceaaf0e6b5Post:29bdc07d-6a1b-458e-94ac-e7b26a2ef85e">Do I have a right to be upset?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids just told me that she isn't sure if she can come to my shower because they have to go to her husbands cousin's high school graduation party out of town on the same day.  I was okay with that until a few days later she told me she wouldn't be coming to our reception either (we are having our reception a few weeks after our wedding) because they have a family reunion that same weekend.   I am trying to stay positive and be happy that she will at least be there for the actual wedding, but I am feeling a little hurt that she won't be at the other events, especially since I was in her wedding and did all her wedding stuff.  She also had a baby a few months ago and I was the one who threw her a shower and was involved with all her baby stuff.   Do you think I have a right to feel hurt?
Posted by lovetorunyeah[/QUOTE]
You certainly can feel hurt but you need to brush it off.  She's going to be there for your vows and that's the important part.  The rest are just parties.  She has familial obligations that she has to attend.  That's out of her control.  Just tell her that you're sad she won't be there for the shower or reception but you're very happy that she'll be there to witness you getting married.<div>
</div><div>Side note: are you providing a small reception after your vows (I mean right after your vows, same day) for those that attend the ceremony?</div>

zitiqueen

Why isn't your reception immediately following your wedding?

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_do-i-have-a-right-to-be-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5cc6fa9d-ccab-4d36-96e1-13ceaaf0e6b5Post:29bdc07d-6a1b-458e-94ac-e7b26a2ef85e">Do I have a right to be upset?</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you think I have a right to feel hurt?
Posted by lovetorunyeah[/QUOTE]


<div>Not really, sorry.  The obligation of a BM is to be there for the ceremony.  All associated wedding parties are entirely optional.</div><div>
</div><div>Also - what pp said - you need to have a reception on your wedding day.  That's what a reception is - a party on your wedding day.</div>

GoodLuckBear14

You can feel however you want.  I don't understand why you aren't having your reception immediately after the ceremony and sincerely hope you are hosting something for those attending the ceremony immediately following the ceremony.  She is going to be there for the wedding which is where her BM duties end.  To get upset because she and her husband have other family obligations and cannot set aside three days (shower, wedding and reception) for you is pretty self centered though.

freebread03

Are you hosting something after your wedding I hope?  It seems a little odd to have a reception weeks later--especially if this requires guests to travel twice.  That seems like it could be an issue for some, but surely you have that worked out so it's not.

Her only obligation as a bridesmaid is to show up in the dress at your wedding.  It's too bad she can't make other events, but she has family obligations, and you certainly shouldn't feel hurt because of it.

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_do-i-have-a-right-to-be-upset?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5cc6fa9d-ccab-4d36-96e1-13ceaaf0e6b5Post:29bdc07d-6a1b-458e-94ac-e7b26a2ef85e">Do I have a right to be upset?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids just told me that she isn't sure if she can come to my shower because they have to go to her husbands cousin's high school graduation party out of town on the same day.  I was okay with that until a few days later she told me she wouldn't be coming to our reception either (we are having our reception a few weeks after our wedding) because they have a family reunion that same weekend.   I am trying to stay positive and be happy that she will at least be there for the actual wedding, but I am feeling a little hurt that she won't be at the other events, especially since I was in her wedding and did all her wedding stuff.  She also had a baby a few months ago and I was the one who threw her a shower and was involved with all her baby stuff.   Do you think I have a right to feel hurt?
Posted by lovetorunyeah[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree that you can be hurt, but you can't do anything about it. You don't need to be upset with your friend over it. </div><div>
</div><div>And yeah, why is your reception weeks later? Are you having a DW?</div>

pkontk

I agree with everyone else.  Of course you may be a little hurt, but please do not relay those feelings to your bridesmaid.  She has family obligations, its not like she's staying home to wash her hair.

pkontk

Oh, I forgot to add - just because you did a bunch of stuff for her wedding and her pre-baby events does not mean she must do the same for you.  These things are not tit for tat.