Moms and Maids

Texting MOH...

2»

Re: Texting MOH...

  • edited December 2011
    My gosh, I'm sorry to everyone for saying whatever I said that was wrong when simply looking for advice.

    No I didn't knock out my sister, I jokingly punched her to try to get her attention.

    Babling, going through cancer as a child, a cheating father, and a divorce, and 10 moves, my mother even says I'm mature. And it's my decision and being married and having a family is what I want in my life. It's not my path to wait.

    I just want to get this straight. I was just looking for advice. I didn't think I would get judged and called a Bridezilla. I am not some attention seeking ltitle brat.

    Thank you for those who gave me some good advice about how to ask my sister to set down the phone and be in the present moment with me when I want to spend time with her.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_texting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5da53527-baed-4e65-a064-da1efe84fd0bPost:b8d42a4d-9462-4b0b-934c-66579e6beb3c">Re: Texting MOH...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Texting at a dress fitting isn't a big deal. Hell, my sister (the BRIDE) was texting while trying on dresses. I was definitely sitting there texting and even my mom sent a few texts. It was a two hour event. We were all pretty bored. I mean, the first dress or two was exciting and from then on it was pretty blah. It isn't the end of the world that your sister wasn't sitting there with her eyes on you at all times. As long as she isn't texting at the wedding or wedding related events, it shouldn't be a big deal. She doesn't need to watch everything you do with fascination because, frankly, you aren't that fascinating. Sorry, I don't know you, but I guarantee that it would be boring to watch your every move after a few minutes. Chill out and remember why you chose her as your MOH, because you love her and want her to be standing up there with you.
    Posted by orangecrush32[/QUOTE]


    Thank you :-)
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    OP, I knew I wanted to be married when I was 19, but that didn't mean I decided to do it at 19.  Why the rush?  Why not go to school, travel, live on your own?  I promise you that you will have no fewer options if you wait a few years--you actually will have a lot more.  My mom always gave me the advice to always make the decisions that gave me the most choices.  Fabulous advice, I highly recommend you follow it.  

    Just something to think about.  If lots of people who have been your age and remember how much they "knew" at your age are telling you to wait, it's food for thought.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_texting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5da53527-baed-4e65-a064-da1efe84fd0bPost:68f0a22b-829f-4d46-abba-670befd6b871">Re: Texting MOH...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Texting MOH... : Yes I'm 19. I'll be 20 shortly after my wedding. But I'm not just another stupid little teenager, I'm pretty mature for my age. My sister is 17. And the reason I posted this was just to get insight into how I could possibly get her to lay off the cell phone for 5 minutes in a silly fitting and to maybe see if I'm not the only one dealing with something like this. I never get the spotlight, so yes, I am trying to enjoy it on the days that I even get it.
    Posted by mklanich[/QUOTE]

    I wasn't saying you were stupid. I don't think that young age is equivalent to stupidty. I'm only 20 and I don't consider myself stupid and I never considered myself to be stupid at any age. I was just pointing out that your posts sounded less mature than what you would expect from an older person so I assumed you were still a teenager acting not necessarily immaturely but acting at the maturity level that is expected at your age.

    Now that that is cleared up my advice to you is this: you get ONE day. On your wedding day no matter what else is happening the focus is going to be on you. On your wedding day people are going to be happy for you and congratulating you and telling you how beautiful you look. Your wedding will be (and should be) an extremely happy day. But all of the days before that that you can't expect people to focus on you just because you're the bride-to-be. Your sister has her own life and although her texting may seem dumb to you, its important to her - its her way of communicating with her friends who are extremely important to her. She probably has a lot going on in her life, just like you have a lot going on in yours. So just let this one go.


  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    All families are different in personalities. In my family, we all swat each other, wrestle at family events, and rough house. We are just a really physical family. I would not be analyzing this physical contact thing..
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    I read your OP and I am just amazed. She showed up for support. Who cares if she was texting? You said it was your fitting. Sounds pretty boring for a teenager to watch you get fitted. She has no duties. She just needs to show up and wear her dress at the wedding. It sounds like she has been doing MORE than her duties by showing you support and being at these fittings. 

    You have misconceptions about her "role." You asked for advice and you have been given it. Don't get upset because you didn't hear "Oh how COULD she?" 

    Good luck with the wedding. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Photobucket
  • junebug62511junebug62511 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My sisters still wrestle and jokingly punch each other and they are all in their late 20's to early 30's and by no means does the OP sound like she was abusing her little sister ( who really isn't that little at 17).

    Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about the texting. You are not her mom and while you may be trying to look out for her, you really cannot tell her what to do. If you are concerned about her texting at the wedding maybe you could sit her down and explain to her how much it would mean to you if she could just leave her phone at home for just one night.  But that is still something your mom really should be handling herself. 
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    OP as for wanting the spotlight, you get one day where you get the spotlight.  And honestly, even then you won't be in the spotlight the whole time.  I was bored when I was trying on my own bridal gowns, so I'm sure I would be bored if I was with someone else too.  Just pick your battles with your sister.  I completely understand how annoying it is when people are texting constantly, and I have been guilty of it myself sometimes.  But you can't expect her to be as excited as you are about any wedding related things.  When you really need her attention for something, then ask her to put her phone down.  But don't ask her to put it down if she's at your house offering to help you with invites or something and you think she's working too slow. 

    I still don't see the problem about "hitting" her sister to pay attention.  Maybe as a PP said it depends on the relationship each person has with their siblings.  My brother and I used to beat the crap out of eachother, so maybe that's why I would think nothing of it if he hit me in the arm. 

    Also, I do have to add, I do think you're too young to get married.  I know people can make whatever decision they want, and I'm sure you think you are with the love of your life and you will live happily ever after with him.  But I can tell you that I had the same feelings 100% when I was with my ex-boyfriend when I was 21.  I completely thought he was the man I wanted to spend my life with.  I am so beyond happy that I realized how wrong I was before I married him. 
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_texting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5da53527-baed-4e65-a064-da1efe84fd0bPost:bb4c5581-8233-4fa6-a771-f48f12a06ce4">Re: Texting MOH...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In defense of marriage.... All the people who got married as teens (including cousins in my generation) stayed married. It's the older gals who wound up divorced.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Anecdotal evidence doesn't really mean anything. I could just as easily say that all the people I know who got married as teens got divorced and the "older gals" stayed married. Statistically younger couples have a high divorce rate. I'm not saying all couples who get married young get divorced but just because it worked for some young couples doesn't mean it will work for all young couples.


  • edited December 2011
    Siblings hit each other.  Most spats don't leave an emotional scar and in a public place like a dress store chances are it wasn't painful or violent enough to warrent the type of criticism people are giving.  I don't care how much she texts, your sister can't be as bad as my mother who answers her phone calls/messages when out at resteraunts where I'm the only one sitting with her and we haven't seen each other in months.  It's for this reason I'm taking both her phones from her at the door before the wedding and not returning them to her until after the cake cutting.

    Make sure your bridesmaid dresses don't have pockets or your sister might just be tempted to carry her phone down the aisle with her.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_texting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5da53527-baed-4e65-a064-da1efe84fd0bPost:8fc10eb1-ae72-4b2d-b8d7-af484a60f1d3">Re: Texting MOH...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anecdotal evidence doesn't really mean anything Not to you , at least.  My point, which seems to have escaped you, is that all young marriages aren't doomed to fail. Is that a little easier for you to understand? Should I use smaller words? When you figure out what elegant monkeys look like be sure to let us know.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Wow. I really don't think you needed to take that so personally. I understood your point, I was just making a point of my own. I don't appreciate your condescending and out right rude post though. I'm not stupid and I don't need you to use smaller words/ You weren't exactly using big words in the first place, but even if you had I'm sure I would've understood them just fine.


  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_texting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5da53527-baed-4e65-a064-da1efe84fd0bPost:8fc10eb1-ae72-4b2d-b8d7-af484a60f1d3">Re: Texting MOH...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anecdotal evidence doesn't really mean anything Not to you , at least.  My point, which seems to have escaped you, is that all young marriages aren't doomed to fail. Is that a little easier for you to understand? Should I use smaller words? When you figure out what elegant monkeys look like be sure to let us know.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
    Egads Retread what was that all about?<div>
    </div><div>Your circle is the exception that proves the rule.  That's wonderful.  It still doesn't change the fact that over half of teen marriages fail within the first few years, or the fact that most people will listen to statistical evidence over anecdotal evidence.  It doesn't mean that you're wrong, just that they prefer aggregate information.</div>
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_texting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5da53527-baed-4e65-a064-da1efe84fd0bPost:e05770e3-7c16-43d0-8d06-10d3c7f740f7">Re: Texting MOH...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Texting MOH... : I wasn't saying you were stupid. I don't think that young age is equivalent to stupidty. I'm only 20 and I don't consider myself stupid and I never considered myself to be stupid at any age. I was just pointing out that your posts sounded less mature than what you would expect from an older person so I assumed you were still a teenager acting not necessarily immaturely but acting at the maturity level that is expected at your age.
    Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

    Beth, I had no idea you were 20.

    OP - there are a few young brides on these boards and not one of them has ever had to say that they are mature for their age.

    You are a teen and your little sister is a teen.  I can pretty much guarantee that she doesn't care about all the hoopla surrounding your wedding.  The only "duty" she has as the MOH is to stand next to you, hold your bouquet, straighten your veil and smile for the photographer.  That is the beginning and end of what she has to do.

    You would have been horrified at my wedding.  As my dad, MOH and I were walking down the stairs to go outside for the ceremony, I was texting with a friend who couldn't make it because she was in the hospital.  My BIL has video of my MOH ripping my cell phone out of my hand, turning it off and tossing it into the parlor.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_texting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5da53527-baed-4e65-a064-da1efe84fd0bPost:8fc10eb1-ae72-4b2d-b8d7-af484a60f1d3">Re: Texting MOH...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anecdotal evidence doesn't really mean anything Not to you , at least.  My point, which seems to have escaped you, is that all young marriages aren't doomed to fail. Is that a little easier for you to understand? Should I use smaller words? When you figure out what elegant monkeys look like be sure to let us know.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Really?  This is just stupid.  According to <a href="http://www.familylawsoftware.com/splitgen/sp/gn/thereislessdivorceamongpeoplewhomarrylater.htm">THIS </a>article, marriages that begin before age 20 have a 47.4% divorce rate within 15 years.  Couples age 20-24 when they wed have a divorce rate of 29.3% - meaning 18.1% more likely to be married than someone who got married before 20 years old.  Couples who got married after age 30 had 10.4% divorce rate - that's 37% less likely to divorce!

    If I was going in for elective surgery, and the surgeon told me this procedure had a 47.4% mortality rate, but if I waited a few years, that would drop to less than 30%... um, no question!

    And then there's someone saying, "Well, I know someone who had that surgery at age 19, and they're still just fine.  And I know someone who had the surgery at age 30 and they died.  So it's not always that way."  Well, sure, but I'll take my chances with the tried-and-true statistically better option than some antecdotal evidence.

    Anyway, the OP is young.  When someone qualifies their age by saying, "I'm X years old, almost X+1" I automatically assume they're rather young.  It reminds me of when I was 5 and I'd tell you, "I'm 5 and a half years old."  Grown ups don't usually qualify their age by fractions.  And I totally agree with previous posters - if you say, "I'm really mature for my age", chances are you aren't.  Would it be best for the OP to wait?  Sure.  Is she going to?  Nope.

    image

    Anniversary

  • edited December 2011
    You can buy a cell blocker the size of a pack of cards and turn it on when you want. About $30. then she can't text even if she wants to.  no service!  underhanded, yes, but just giving ya an option!  lol
  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_texting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5da53527-baed-4e65-a064-da1efe84fd0bPost:ac7ea3de-5889-4757-9735-674508a1a67d">Re: Texting MOH...</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can buy a cell blocker the size of a pack of cards and turn it on when you want. About $30. then she can't text even if she wants to.  no service!  underhanded, yes, but just giving ya an option!  lol
    Posted by lonecorndog[/QUOTE]

    And such a mature option.  She's not her mother.  Adults tell someone that something they are doing is bothering them.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_texting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5da53527-baed-4e65-a064-da1efe84fd0bPost:c36bb935-e82e-40fa-bdbf-221f2dea26a6">Re: Texting MOH...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Exactly....according to that article. It's impossible to track all the couples who get married and then get divorced later, and equally impossible to figure out whether age had anything to do with their divorce. <strong>Telling someone their marriage is doomed to fail before it even starts is really stupid....and impossible to predict. It's also cruel. </strong>Wish engaged couples well. Their marriage won't stand and fall on their birthdates. When divorce happens, it's usually due to abuse, adultery, money issues, religion, and so forth.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree, but I don't think that anyone in this thread told OP that her marriage was doomed to fail.</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I love that cell phone blocker! I wonder if it would be against company policy for me to have it while ringing up customers at work?

     I have to side with the OP on this one. Texting by the younger generation is totally rude. It drives me nuts. I assume by "hitting her arm" it was a tap to get her attention. I don't see it as the OP needing to be center of attention. She needed help with bustle. She wasn't asking for her sister to say Wow you look beautiful, or any other such AW things.

    However I do agree with other PPs that she has no specific duties as a MOH. It is a matter of manners not duties that needs to be addressed.
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_texting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5da53527-baed-4e65-a064-da1efe84fd0bPost:c36bb935-e82e-40fa-bdbf-221f2dea26a6">Re: Texting MOH...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Exactly....according to that article. It's impossible to track all the couples who get married and then get divorced later, and equally impossible to figure out whether age had anything to do with their divorce. Telling someone their marriage is doomed to fail before it even starts is really stupid....and impossible to predict. It's also cruel. Wish engaged couples well. Their marriage won't stand and fall on their birthdates. When divorce happens, it's usually due to abuse, adultery, money issues, religion, and so forth.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Again, no one said her wedding is doomed to failure.  What we said is that there is no harm and potentially a lot of benefit to waiting until a person is at least in their mid-20's, but that the OP isn't going to wait anyway. 

    However, antecdotal evidence is more harmful than beneficial as it leads people to think the exceptions are good examples.  The exceptions are great... I'm thrilled for them, and I know a couple who had a baby at 14 years old, got married at 15, and is still together 25 years later, but would I advise that?  Absolutely not!  There's a lot of evidence to show that young marriages are much harder and thus less happy, and that's dumb to ignore.  This is due to several variables, including lack of financial independence, making compromises on the foundation of their education and careers, having children when they don't have much savings, etc. 

    If someone said to me, "I've graduated college, paid my own rent, utilities, cable/internet, car payments, auto insurance, and credit card bills for 2 years, and have a job that makes enough for me that I have started to put some aside for savings" then I wouldn't care how old they are.  But the truth is, that's incredibly rare for someone that young.  Life experience be damned - if you haven't been able to live off your own salary and keep your head above water, you're in no position to get married.

    Also, a major factor to consider in the divorce statistics is religion - strongly religious couples tend to get married younger and are less likely to divorce (but no evidence on how happy the marriages are).  So if that population reside in the small percentage of young marriages that last, it would go to reason that a higher percentage of non-religious or moderately religious couples divorce than that statistic indicates.

    Also, as I've pointed out many times, divorce statistics do not show how many marriages are happy.  For every divorced couple, I'm sure there is another couple struggling to make it work.  There are a lot of factors against you when you're younger, so there is absolutely no harm in waiting a few years, getting that additional life experience and financial stability, before getting married.

    The most common issue leading to divorce isn't adultry or abuse - it's money issues.  And while someone is no more or less inclined towards abuse or adultry for being young, certainly people who have lived on their own and paid their own bills and learned to balance a budget are USUALLY better prepared to survive the real financial challenges of being married.

    *steps off soapbox*

    image

    Anniversary

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_texting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5da53527-baed-4e65-a064-da1efe84fd0bPost:b8d42a4d-9462-4b0b-934c-66579e6beb3c">Re: Texting MOH...</a>:
    I couldnt have said it better

    [QUOTE]Texting at a dress fitting isn't a big deal. Hell, my sister (the BRIDE) was texting while trying on dresses. I was definitely sitting there texting and even my mom sent a few texts. It was a two hour event. We were all pretty bored. I mean, the first dress or two was exciting and from then on it was pretty blah. It isn't the end of the world that your sister wasn't sitting there with her eyes on you at all times. As long as she isn't texting at the wedding or wedding related events, it shouldn't be a big deal. She doesn't need to watch everything you do with fascination because, frankly, you aren't that fascinating. Sorry, I don't know you, but I guarantee that it would be boring to watch your every move after a few minutes. Chill out and remember why you chose her as your MOH, because you love her and want her to be standing up there with you.
    Posted by orangecrush32[/QUOTE]
    My Shoes :)Photobucket
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_texting-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5da53527-baed-4e65-a064-da1efe84fd0bPost:bf0e9339-2f3e-456c-ba1e-dd964e6f8a0b">Re: Texting MOH...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Texting MOH... :  If someone said to me, "I've graduated college, paid my own rent, utilities, cable/internet, car payments, auto insurance, and credit card bills for 2 years, and have a job that makes enough for me that I have started to put some aside for savings" then I wouldn't care how old they are.
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    I've graduated college, paid my own rent, utilities, cable/internet, car payments, auto insurance, and credit card bills for *4* years, and have a job that makes enough for me that I have started to put some aside for saving. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards