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Moms and Maids

Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!

My Maid Of Honor and I have been best friends for 18 years now. I have told her since i was 8 years old she would be my Maid of Honor. When my fiance proposed she seemed very excited and was happy for us. We are getting married in 71 days and have been engaged since this past July. My maid of honor has not helped plan the shower or bachelorette party. Instead of being there for me and supporting me through this STRESSFUL time she has done nothing! She is going on a family vacation the week of my wedding and has to come in one day early for my wedding day. She refuses to come in earlier for my rehearsal dinner. I dont know if I am over exaggerating or if I am right to be hurt and upset! anyone else having the same issues!?
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Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!

  • lucy2113lucy2113 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So she wont be there at the rehearsal dinner, its not a big deal. She does not have to help with any kind of pre-wedding party if she does not want to or simply cannot. The only thing she needs to do is be there for you on your wedding day i.e.: Show up to the church and stand next to you. Just because she has not helped with anything does not mean she is not being "supportive". The one person you should be asking help from since its soo stressful is your Fiance after all he is getting married too. 


    Good Luck.
    Holiday
  • edited December 2011
    Do you want to spend the last 71 days before your wedding being hurt and angry.  I understand that you feel like she has let you down, but you need to let it go.  You can't change other people's behavior.  The only thing you can change is how you feel about it.  Take care of yourself...and let it go.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • awick14awick14 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We are getting married tomorrow morning, and the rehearsal was last night. The best man could not make it to the dinner, neither could one of the groomsmen. No one really noticed. We are giving the attendants their gifts the day of the wedding so it was no big deal.
    The most beautiful things in the world are not seen nor touched. They are felt with the heart. -- Helen Keller Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-not-attending-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:64dfdb91-0917-45e4-8d2c-2f1f7065674ePost:0aed482e-cf4b-465f-adac-f049a70de904">Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If she is your best friend, you should be able to have an open conversation with her. <strong>Not everyone is aware of what being a MOH entails</strong>, from your shower to bachelorette party - I know I gently mentioned it to my MOH and Posted by gossipgirl1983[/QUOTE]

    "Being a MOH entails..." nothing more than buying the right dress, showing up at the right time, and smiling for pictures.

    To "expect" anything more is to be a bridezilla.
  • edited December 2011
    Being a MOH means a lot more than just showing up in the dress - any etiquette board or forums on being a MOH will tell you that. You're the bride's right hand person, and traditionally, the MOH hosts the shower and plans the bachelorette party. Personally, I spoke to my MOH about these things, and I don't want a bridal shower (and even if I did, I would not want my BMs shelling out money for it) and I'll plan my own bachelorette if I decide to have one (although my MOH has been extra sweet and started suggesting places already), but to expect your MOH and other BMs to help plan these things is not unreasonable. And anyone who knows me would certainly laugh hysterically if someone called me a bridezilla lol

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-not-attending-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:64dfdb91-0917-45e4-8d2c-2f1f7065674ePost:8011aa32-5d83-4e93-abeb-d2db7b7b3227">Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Being a MOH means a lot more than just showing up in the dress -<u> any etiquette board or forums on being a MOH will tell you that</u>.</strong> You're the bride's right hand person, and traditionally, the MOH hosts the shower and plans the bachelorette party. Personally, I spoke to my MOH about these things, and I don't want a bridal shower (and even if I did, I would not want my BMs shelling out money for it) and I'll plan my own bachelorette if I decide to have one (although my MOH has been extra sweet and started suggesting places already), but to expect your MOH and other BMs to help plan these things is not unreasonable. And anyone who knows me would certainly laugh hysterically if someone called me a bridezilla lol
    Posted by gossipgirl1983[/QUOTE]

    Go post that on the Etiquette board and see what response you get.

    PUT DOWN THE BRIDAL MAGAZINES. Step away from the bridal websites. All of these "duties" are put in place by the bridal INDUSTRY as a means to get more money. That is all. Nothing less, nothing more.

    My MOH lives three states away - she is not expected to do anything other than to show up in the correct dress and smile for pictures. YOUR wedding is to be planned by YOU and YOUR FIANCE, you know, the two people getting married... your friends are not your b!tches, and especially not your MOH.

    As for planning your own bachelorette? That is also a giant faux-pas. It is completely against etiquette to plan a party in your honor for yourself.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-not-attending-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64dfdb91-0917-45e4-8d2c-2f1f7065674ePost:a59eb9f8-6b35-48f4-bd35-9e5ffd4f1b64">Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner! : Go post that on the Etiquette board and see what response you get. PUT DOWN THE BRIDAL MAGAZINES. Step away from the bridal websites. All of these "duties" are put in place by the bridal INDUSTRY as a means to get more money. That is all. Nothing less, nothing more. My MOH lives three states away - she is not expected to do anything other than to show up in the correct dress and smile for pictures. YOUR wedding is to be planned by YOU and YOUR FIANCE, you know, the two people getting married... your friends are not your b!tches, and especially not your MOH. As for planning your own bachelorette? That is also a giant faux-pas. It is completely against etiquette to plan a party in your honor for yourself.
    Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">Your bachelorette party doesn't require anyone to buy you any gifts and it's a chance to get together with your friends - I see nothing wrong with planning on going out with a few friends yourself. And if your friends are not your "b!tches," then who exactly plans the bachelorette party? I don't think planning a bridal shower and bachelorette means planning your wedding, and with your logic, your BMs shouldn't plan those things, so I guess that means no showers or bachelorette parties? Not all of us have family to turn to, you know. <em>Your </em>M.O. may be not to ask your MOH to do anything at all, which is nice and it's perfectly fine, but there's no need to attack me personally for mentioning the traditional roles.</div>
    </div>
  • edited December 2011
    And yes, it IS unreasonable to expect your BM's/MOH to plan parties and such in your honor. They have lives of their own that do not stop just because you're getting married. You get ONE day. Three of my BM's are in college (all 3 out of state), one BM is currently pregnant, and one BM lives out of the country - I certainly do not expect them to stop their lives to plan parties for me or to help me plan MY wedding... not to mention the added expenses that often come with parties, etc. which is unreasonable for me to expect them to come up with...

    As for who plans the bachelorette: IF my BM's/MOH choose to plan one, that is up to them. But I do not EXPECT them to do so. It is not a REQUIREMENT of being in the bridal party, and my marriage certainly won't be any less valid if I don't have one.
  • edited December 2011
    If she is your best friend, you should be able to have an open conversation with her. Not everyone is aware of what being a MOH entails, from your shower to bachelorette party - I know I gently mentioned it to my MOH and she's been fantastic ever since. You need to be upfront with your expectations of her. 

    I'm sorry she can't make it to your rehearsal dinner, I don't think it's unreasonable for her not  to cut her vacation short by another day to make the rehearsal, although I do think she should have considered the date of your wedding when her vacation was booked. Did she have the vacation booked before you chose your date, though? I wouldn't be thrilled if my MOH booked a vacation during the week she knew was my wedding week.

    Regardless, I think the rehearsal really isn't that necessary for her (I'm sure she can figure it out) if she insists she can't make it, so try to focus on the fact that you're getting married!!!! YAYYY!!! I am sure you have so much more to stress over now, and at the end of the day, she will be there for you, so enjoy the wedding and don't let anyone get to you! :)
  • AbbeyS2011AbbeyS2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-not-attending-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:64dfdb91-0917-45e4-8d2c-2f1f7065674ePost:7656b9f0-8b57-4b98-a4f0-bccdaf5e5f56">Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't listen to anyone. She should be helping you. You should replace her.
    Posted by LovinLong11[/QUOTE]

    This is the worst advice ever. 

    So what if your MOH will not be at your RD.  It is not the end of the world.  She does not HAVE to do anything for you.  Being at your side for your wedding is what the MOH is there for.  Not to host parties, or cater to your wishes.  If she DECIDES she wants to do these things she can - she is in NO WAY OBLIGATED to do so. 

    Just because you are getting married does not mean the WP puts their lives on hold for your day.  They will carry on business as usual.  If you want/need a party so badly, then drop hints to family members or ask your MOH about it.  If no one gives you a shower, then deal with it. 
    Anniversary
  • MissKate2011MissKate2011 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Listen to Kelly, she has the right information regarding proper etiquette.
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • lucy2113lucy2113 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-not-attending-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64dfdb91-0917-45e4-8d2c-2f1f7065674ePost:0aed482e-cf4b-465f-adac-f049a70de904">Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If she is your best friend, you should be able to have an open conversation with her. Not everyone is aware of what being a MOH entails, from your shower to bachelorette party - I know I gently mentioned it to my MOH and she's been fantastic ever since. You need to be upfront with your expectations of her.  I'm sorry she can't make it to your rehearsal dinner, I don't think it's unreasonable for her not   to cut her vacation short by another day to make the rehearsal, although I do think she should have considered the date of your wedding when her vacation was booked. Did she have the vacation booked before you chose your date, though? I wouldn't be thrilled if my MOH booked a vacation during the week she knew was my wedding week. Regardless, I think the rehearsal really isn't that necessary for her (I'm sure she can figure it out) if she insists she can't make it, so try to focus on the fact that you're getting married!!!! YAYYY!!! I am sure you have so much more to stress over now, and at the end of the day, she will be there for you, so enjoy the wedding and don't let anyone get to you! :)
    Posted by gossipgirl1983[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE]Being a MOH means a lot more than just showing up in the dress - any etiquette board or forums on being a MOH will tell you that. You're the bride's right hand person, and traditionally, the MOH hosts the shower and plans the bachelorette party. Personally, I spoke to my MOH about these things, and I don't want a bridal shower (and even if I did, I would not want my BMs shelling out money for it) and I'll plan my own bachelorette if I decide to have one (although my MOH has been extra sweet and started suggesting places already), but to expect your MOH and other BMs to help plan these things is not unreasonable. And anyone who knows me would certainly laugh hysterically if someone called me a bridezilla lol
    Posted by gossipgirl1983[/QUOTE]</div><div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE]Don't listen to anyone. She should be helping you. You should replace her.
    Posted by LovinLong11[/QUOTE]
    </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>Please please don't post this advice. The only thing your MOH and BM's should have to do is show up. MuffinsMom, awick, and Kellybrian are all correct. You don't need to sit anyone in the WP down and tell him/her that you expect this or that from them. You are not their boss. You are friend that is honored to have them be apart of your special day. Not so that you can dictate what you want them to do. You also do not plan your own pre-wedding parties. That is a GIFT from you MOH and/or BM's. Yes it is a chance to spend time with them before you get married. But not a something that has to be done by you. </div><div>
    </div><div>Meggles, please don't spend that last 70+ plus days of your wedding being made at someone. Let it go and move on. Not everyone will be able to make it to any sort of pre-wedding party. Not everyone one will be as excited for your wedding as you. So have fun and enjoy you time as a single girl!</div><div>
    </div><div>Good Luck.</div><div>
    </div>
    Holiday
  • courtney1188courtney1188 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-not-attending-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64dfdb91-0917-45e4-8d2c-2f1f7065674ePost:8011aa32-5d83-4e93-abeb-d2db7b7b3227">Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Being a MOH means a lot more than just showing up in the dress -<strong> any etiquette board or forums on being a MOH will tell you that.</strong> You're the bride's right hand person, and traditionally, the MOH hosts the shower and plans the bachelorette party. Personally, I spoke to my MOH about these things, and I don't want a bridal shower (and even if I did, I would not want my BMs shelling out money for it) and I'll plan my own bachelorette if I decide to have one (although my MOH has been extra sweet and started suggesting places already), but to expect your MOH and other BMs to help plan these things is not unreasonable. And anyone who knows me would certainly laugh hysterically if someone called me a bridezilla lol
    Posted by gossipgirl1983[/QUOTE]

    Oh really? Because the etiquette board here completely disagrees. Calm down here and breathe. Put down the wedding magazines. This should not be a stressful time where you need a ton of support. It's not a death or some horrible thing like that, ti's a wedding - a fun, love-filled event. And since it is you and your fiance's event, you should be the ones planning it.

    Your bridesmaids are your closest friends who you want standing next to you when you say your vows. That is it, plain and simple. If they throw you parties, that is super sweet and thoughtful of them, but the only places that will say it's required are places in the wedding industry that are making tons of money off of it. ANd you already said she was suggesting places for your bachelorette, which pretty much negates your argument that she hasn't helped at all.
  • edited December 2011
    I guess I'm the odd-ball, but I don't think it's wrong to discuss these things with your MOH and what your feelings are (as my first post indicated). I'm not even American, but from what I've been told by my FI's uber-traditional family and what I've read and what I've experienced as a BM, these parties are tradition. I am not saying you should ever demand something of a BM that they are not comfortable with socially, financially or otherwise, but to have an open discussion with your MOH is completely reasonable in my opinion. I don't personally want a shower and I don't want to burden anyone with planning a bachelorette, but I don't think that brides who want (not expect) their BMs to be involved are monsters. 


  • edited December 2011
    You have every right to HOPE that your wedding party will plan things for you, but no right to EXPECT it.  That is the key difference here.

    OP, I would be disappointed if I had not gotten a shower (I didn't have a bachelorette party, which was fine with me).  However, not everyone is lucky enough to be able to have one, and the good news is that you will still be married either way.  If your MOH had already made her plans, she has every right to keep them the way they are.  I'm sure you will miss having her there, but there will be plenty of others to keep you busy, and it is more important that she show up for the wedding itself.

    If you make sure she knows she is loved and appreciated no matter what, she may be more likely to volunteer to go out of her way for you.  If she feels you are expecting/requiring certain things of her, it will make them less fun, and she may be less likely to help out in the end.

    Good luck!
    imageimage
  • edited December 2011
    Don't listen to anyone. She should be helping you. You should replace her.
  • tlopes07tlopes07 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Personally, I've been a bridesmaid in many weddings and maybe it's my group of friends, or culture but when your asking people to be in your bridal party its because you can count on them, they've always been there for you whenever you need them etc. 

    You can't expect them to do your bridal shower or bachelorette party but they should be available to assist you in any way you may need.  I wouldn't tell my BM's of MOH that they are expected to do something. 

    However, in your situation I would be upset if my MOH didn't attend the rehersal dinner because that's your time to show your thanks and appreciation to your party.  The wedding day is so crazy and it's all revolved around the bride/groom, that you have the rehersal dinner for the Bridal Party, that's how it's always been for the wedding parties I've been a part of.
     
    If your MOH had the vacation planned prior to you asking her, than she is not in the wrong.  If she booked the vacation afterwards, then Yes i would be upset but that's just my opinion.
  • edited December 2011
    If this vacation was planned after you gave her a date, is your MOH going on vacation by herself? With family?

    Once again, everyone else's lives do not stop just because you are getting married. I have family who have a VERY hard time getting time off, so it is welcomed greatly whenever it happens... and sometimes that means squeezing in the vacation around other already-planned events. FI, for instance, has to put in for time off 6-12 months ahead of time, and really doesn't get confirmation that he ACTUALLY gets that time off until a month or two beforehand, if that... so it is hard to schedule getaways sometimes without running into other plans that have been made.

    It's not like your MOH is missing your wedding, in which case, yeah, I'd be a little put off.
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-not-attending-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:64dfdb91-0917-45e4-8d2c-2f1f7065674ePost:4cb076c8-1311-4848-9dfd-342e45fe7897">Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My Maid Of Honor and I have been best friends for 18 years now. I have told her since i was 8 years old she would be my Maid of Honor. When my fiance proposed she seemed very excited and was happy for us. We are getting married in 71 days and have been engaged since this past July. <strong>My maid of honor has not helped plan the shower or bachelorette party</strong>. Instead of being there for me and supporting me through this <strong>STRESSFUL time she has done nothing</strong>! She is going on a family vacation the week of my wedding and has to come in one day early for my wedding day. <strong>She refuses to come in earlier for my rehearsal dinner</strong>. <strong>I dont know if I am over exaggerating or if I am right to be hurt and upset!</strong> anyone else having the same issues!?
    Posted by meggles89[/QUOTE]

    Your MOH is not your wedding planner. She is not required to plan any party for you. Wedding planning is only as stressful as you make it, so relax. Breathe. The MOH only needs to be at the wedding & she she will be.  Remember no one cares as much about your wedding as you do. It isn't your MOH's wedding, so do not act like it is.


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-not-attending-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:64dfdb91-0917-45e4-8d2c-2f1f7065674ePost:9e7abf2f-9d42-4de6-bd5a-37999ee7e255">Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I'm the odd-ball, but I don't think it's wrong to discuss these things with your MOH and what your feelings are (as my first post indicated). I'm not even American, but from what I've been told by my FI's uber-traditional family and what I've read and what I've experienced as a BM, these parties are tradition.<strong>I am not saying you should ever demand something of a BM that they are not comfortable with socially, financially or otherwise, but to have an open discussion with your MOH is completely reasonable in my opinion</strong>. I don't personally want a shower and I don't want to burden anyone with planning a bachelorette, but I don't think that brides who want (not expect) their BMs to be involved are monsters. 
    Posted by gossipgirl1983[/QUOTE]

    But the OP is throwing a fit/ is upset because her MOH can't/won't help. OP appears to be demanding her MOH to help her/ be the planner which is not realistic. So encouraging the OP right now will ruin her friendship with the MOH, if it isn't already destroyed.

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  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-not-attending-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64dfdb91-0917-45e4-8d2c-2f1f7065674ePost:b2d62ed4-4b50-4966-b843-f248b79489f4">Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So she wont be there at the rehearsal dinner, its not a big deal. She does not have to help with any kind of pre-wedding party if she does not want to or simply cannot. The only thing she needs to do is be there for you on your wedding day i.e.: Show up to the church and stand next to you. Just because she has not helped with anything does not mean she is not being "supportive". The one person you should be asking help from since its soo stressful is your Fiance after all he is getting married too.  Good Luck.
    Posted by TLK08[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
    image Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • KateG528KateG528 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My MOH is in police academy and cant do anything to help me.  I still love her and want her to by my MOH.  She wont be at rehearsal dinner, but I am not demoting her. She didnt throw me a shower or a bachelorette, but was there for me emotionally.  

    Get over it. I agree with PPs she is not required to do anything else but show up. 
    May you never steal, lie or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life. And if you must cheat then please cheat death because I couldn't live a day without you.


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  • edited December 2011
    Why is it so incredibly stressful my FI and I are paying and planning it things can get a little hairy but thats what you have eachother for when things feel tricky make eachother laugh. No one has to shoulder the stress of planning your marriage apart from the two of you
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  • edited December 2011
    A Maid of Honor is just that - an honor that you give to her on your wedding day.  Keep in mind, this is something that you give to her.  It's your way of saying "So and So has been my friend for so long and I'd like to honor her at my wedding".  It does NOT mean "So and So has been my friend for so long so in turn I now expect her to plan all of these parties which cost hundreds if not thousands of dollars in my honor".

    Yes, traditionally many bridesmaids step up and offer to host a shower and a bachelorette party in the bride's honor, but they certainly don't have to.  I am a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding and I offered (along with the other BM's) to help host and plan the shower and the b-party.  I also contributed financially to those because I wanted to do that for my friend and time and money allowed me to be able to do that.

    If my friend sat me down when she asked me to be her bridesmaid and told me what she expected me to do, I'd most certainly politely decline.

    ETA: Clarify.
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  • edited December 2011
    Everyone wants their friends/bridal party to "be there" for them, but the reality is that they have lives, too. Your wedding is not the only thing going on in her life, and it's not her responsibility to help you plan or prepare for your wedding. 
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  • ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My MOH might not even be able to make it to my wedding. She is going to do her best, but due to circumstances beyond what she, or I, can control she might not be there. If she does make it there, she probably won't be there for the rehearsal dinner. I am not mad at her or upset with her because that's life. She will still be my best friend and MOH even if she doesn't make it to the wedding. All I want is for her to be able to make it if possible. I don't want anything else from her. Anything she does is of her own free will and choice (such as addressing my invitations for me, love her for that).

    So ditto most PP's. let it go. It's not that big of a deal that she won't be at the rehearsal.
    image
  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-not-attending-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64dfdb91-0917-45e4-8d2c-2f1f7065674ePost:0bd1f031-11a1-4b69-a74a-c19da0195be0">Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner! : Your bachelorette party doesn't require anyone to buy you any gifts and it's a chance to get together with your friends - I see nothing wrong with planning on going out with a few friends yourself. And if your friends are not your "b!tches," then who exactly plans the bachelorette party? I don't think planning a bridal shower and bachelorette means planning your wedding, and with your logic, your BMs shouldn't plan those things, so I guess that means no showers or bachelorette parties? Not all of us have family to turn to, you know.  Your  M.O. may be not to ask your MOH to do anything at all, which is nice and it's perfectly fine, but there's no need to attack me personally for mentioning the traditional roles.
    Posted by gossipgirl1983[/QUOTE]

    Please tell me why you think you're owed a party?
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-not-attending-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64dfdb91-0917-45e4-8d2c-2f1f7065674ePost:0bd1f031-11a1-4b69-a74a-c19da0195be0">Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner! : Your bachelorette party doesn't require anyone to buy you any gifts and it's a chance to get together with your friends - I see nothing wrong with planning on going out with a few friends yourself. <strong>And if your friends are not your "b!tches," then who exactly plans the bachelorette party?</strong> I don't think planning a bridal shower and bachelorette means planning your wedding, and with your logic, your BMs shouldn't plan those things, so I guess that means no showers or bachelorette parties? Not all of us have family to turn to, you know.  Your  M.O. may be not to ask your MOH to do anything at all, which is nice and it's perfectly fine, but there's no need to attack me personally for mentioning the traditional roles.
    Posted by gossipgirl1983[/QUOTE]

    This bold part disturbs me. Alot.
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  • KnibletKniblet member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    meggles:  Some of the women in this thread gave you some great advice.  It may be a bummer that your MOH cannot be there for the rehearsal but it will still be a rehearsal and dinner.  And she will be there the next day when you happily get married.

    As some stated already, don't spend the weeks leading up to the big day being this upset.  After, you may be more mad at yourself for letting it get to you.


    My MOH lives over 1000 miles away.  I saw her when I went to visit before the wedding but she was never involved in the planning, other than her wanting to see pics of stuff.  My FI helped with all of the planning.  And it all worked out just fine.

    I didn't have a shower OR a B party.  I don't know many people in MN where I live and it was too challenging to get down to Tennessee and try to do anything.  Some people don't have the extra parties.  And that's fine.  They are EXTRA.

    Plus, none of my maids were in the money at the time, or now, and I doubt I would have LET them spend money on parties for me.  I wanted one party.  The wedding day.  And I got it.

    Deep breaths.  And good luck to you!



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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-not-attending-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64dfdb91-0917-45e4-8d2c-2f1f7065674ePost:4cb076c8-1311-4848-9dfd-342e45fe7897">Maid of Honor: Not attending rehearsal dinner!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My Maid Of Honor and I have been best friends for 18 years now. I have told her since i was 8 years old she would be my Maid of Honor. When my fiance proposed she seemed very excited and was happy for us. We are getting married in 71 days and have been engaged since this past July. My maid of honor has not helped plan the shower or bachelorette party. Instead of being there for me and supporting me through this STRESSFUL time she has done nothing! She is going on a family vacation the week of my wedding and has to come in one day early for my wedding day. She refuses to come in earlier for my rehearsal dinner. I dont know if I am over exaggerating or if I am right to be hurt and upset! anyone else having the same issues!?
    Posted by meggles89[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>She doesn't have to be there.  She doesn't have to give up her family vacation for your wedding.  And if you are really all CAPS stressed out by planning your wedding, maybe you need to take a deep breath and scale back instead of freaking out about minor details like one person missing your rehearsal dinner.

    </div>
  • edited December 2011
    Wow I didnt expect so many negative responses! I guess righting this was my way of venting all my frustration. I did not expect her to do these things or demand her to do so as you are saying. My mother threw my wedding shower this pass saturday and it was absolutley perfect! Although my mother did ask my MOH to just simply help her out with addressing the invitations she couldnt even handle that task, she did help during the day of the shower! I guess when you have a mother in law to be who is making your life miserable when you should be so excited to be getting married in 2 months does cause stress. For those of you who said i should not be stressed out! I am absolutley thrilled to be getting married and never have a negative attitude which you wouldnt know because you have never met me! But when you are calling your bestfriend for just support and you arent getting it, it can be hurtful. I dont care what ettiquette says because every website is different! All i know is if the roles were reversed things would be different. And our wedding day was already planned out before she booked the vacation. I guess I am expecting too much but im the type of person who goes above and beyond for anyone i know! So as MOH i would do the same!
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