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Bridesmaid needs HELP!!

MandM2000MandM2000
10 Comments
in Moms and Maids

I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. She is being a complete bridezilla! Is there any way I can approach her about her attitude? She flat out told all of her bridesmaids that she doesn't want a real bachelorette party, she would rather have lunch. I took offense to that because I already planned a pub crawl for her party.
She was also rude with the bridesmaid dresses. She was nice in the beginning by letting us pick our own dresses, but then she todl us to order by a certain date or else we wouldn't be in the wedding, seriously? She said it's not her responsibility to keep track of what we are doing. Anyone else have this issue with their bride?

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Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!

  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited August 2012
    I think it really depends on the context in which she said these things.  Was the idea of the bachelorette being discussed when the bride said she wanted a lunch?  Was someone asking her what she would like to do?  If the bride thought there was a discussion going on, she probably felt comfortable expressing her preferences.  Also, she doesn't have to accept or participate in a party she's uncomfortable with.  It's a nice gesture for you to want to throw her one, but she can't be forced into it, especially if she's not normally a pub-crawl type of girl.

    As for the dresses, it's common advice to tell brides to give the party a last day to order attire (generally working off what a store or salon tells them is the last date to order for on-time delivery and time for alterations) and not to stress after that.  Again, I think context is important her.  She may have thought she was doing that, although it sounds a little blunt.

    Neither of these things sounds too terrible to me, but it also sounds like there is a lot of back story missing.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:c2e6746d-4abe-4a9d-8ed2-bfc416a13198">Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. She is being a complete bridezilla! Is there any way I can approach her about her attitude? She flat out told all of her bridesmaids that she doesn't want a real bachelorette party, she would rather have lunch. I took offense to that because I already planned a pub crawl for her party. She was also rude with the bridesmaid dresses. She was nice in the beginning by letting us pick our own dresses, but then she todl us to order by a certain date or else we wouldn't be in the wedding, seriously? She said it's not her responsibility to keep track of what we are doing. Anyone else have this issue with their bride?
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    No matter how many boards you post this on, she still doesn't sound unreasonable at all.
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  • MandM2000MandM2000
    10 Comments
    I figured I would surprise her and the rest of the bridesmaids with the pyb crawl. But when I told her and the rest of the girls aout it, she said she didn't want that. I think it's really rude to turn down a party that someone planned for you. She never wants to go out and have fun, she's just dull. When she told us about the dreses, she said that such and such was the last day to get the dress and that we are responsible for getting the dress. It sounds to me like I'm being treated like a child, I don't NEED to be told that I have to get the dress by a certain day, I can figure it out on my own.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:6a0dc90b-5309-4f5d-b4b7-cc9e45e44458">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I figured I would surprise her and the rest of the bridesmaids with the pyb crawl. But when I told her and the rest of the girls aout it, she said she didn't want that. I think it's really rude to turn down a party that someone planned for you. <strong>She never wants to go out and have fun, she's just dull.</strong> When she told us about the dreses, she said that such and such was the last day to get the dress and that we are responsible for getting the dress. It sounds to me like I'm being treated like a child, I don't NEED to be told that I have to get the dress by a certain day, I can figure it out on my own.
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    Then why are you friends with her? Why did you agree to be in her wedding?
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:6a0dc90b-5309-4f5d-b4b7-cc9e45e44458">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I figured I would surprise her and the rest of the bridesmaids with the pyb crawl. But when I told her and the rest of the girls aout it, she said she didn't want that. I think it's really rude to turn down a party that someone planned for you. <strong>She never wants to go out and have fun, she's just dull.</strong> When she told us about the dreses, she said that such and such was the last day to get the dress and that we are responsible for getting the dress. It sounds to me like I'm being treated like a child, I don't NEED to be told that I have to get the dress by a certain day, I can figure it out on my own.
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    Wow.  Aren't you lovely?  Believe it or not, not everyone considers going on a pub crawl and getting sh!tface drunk to be a good time.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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  • MandM2000MandM2000
    10 Comments
    I had to agree to be in her wedding so that things would get done. She has never planned a wedding before, she would have no idea how she needs to do things.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:dd5bb144-07b1-4424-aa4f-48f1a3a7427a">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I had to agree to be in her wedding</strong> so that things would get done. She has never planned a wedding before, she would have no idea how she needs to do things.
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    So you aren't planning her dream wedding, you're planning your dream wedding. Nice. And no, you didn't <strong>have</strong> to agree to be in it, unless you're leaving out the part where she held a gun to your head.

    And based on your reply in the other thread you posted this in, you are at fault for planning a pub crawl when she specifically told you she just wanted a nice lunch.

    Here's a thought: plan the stuff she wants to do, not the stuff you want to do. Your heart may have been in the right place, no matter how misguided, but this wedding isn't about you.
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:dd5bb144-07b1-4424-aa4f-48f1a3a7427a">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had to agree to be in her wedding so that things would get done. She has never planned a wedding before, she would have no idea how she needs to do things.
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    You understand that this is her wedding and not yours, right?  Most of the women here have never planned a wedding before and they all turned out just fine.  You sound like you've watched one too many stupid movies (Bridesmaids, anyone?) and are using this a reference for how things "should" be.  In reality, that is all BS and a wedding is what the Bride and Groom want it to be.
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  • MandM2000MandM2000
    10 Comments
    She seriously is clueless though. She's always saying that "the guest lsit is final" and good for her, it's a great start- but she won't even let my kids come to it. Her nephew can be there but I can't bring my kids?!
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:d178009e-3f51-4230-a202-12e8830946a6">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]She seriously is clueless though. She's always saying that "the guest lsit is final" and good for her, it's a great start- but she won't even let my kids come to it. Her nephew can be there but I can't bring my kids?!
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    Are you paying for this wedding?
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  • MandM2000MandM2000
    10 Comments

    No. But she needs to be fair. She can't invite her newphew- a child, and not invite other kids.

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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:c87b6094-3334-45dc-a39d-24606a4db6df">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]No. But she needs to be fair. She can't invite her newphew- a child, and not invite other kids.
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    Actually, she can. Family is a little different. Newsflash -- your precious snowflakes aren't welcome everywhere.

    You know, there's still time to back out of this wedding. Her world will continue to revolve without you in it, I promise.
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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:d178009e-3f51-4230-a202-12e8830946a6">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]She seriously is clueless though. She's always saying that "the guest lsit is final" and good for her, it's a great start- but she won't even let my kids come to it. <strong>Her nephew can be there but I can't bring my kids?!</strong>
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    She's not required to invite them.  It's a nice gesture to include children, and to specifically invite children of the wedding party, but it's not necessary.  Brides here are frequently advised if they want to limit the number of children present to invite in circles, and limiting  invitations to those children in the immediate family is a way to do that.  DH and I did that. Every bride needs to make difficult choices about her guest list at some point.

    If you are uncomfortable with how the bride's wedding planning is going, stop talking with her about the wedding.  It sounds like she's doing things her own way, and that's fine.
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:c87b6094-3334-45dc-a39d-24606a4db6df">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]No. But she needs to be fair. She can't invite her newphew- a child, and not invite other kids.
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    Yes she can.  Kids that are immediate family (ie, children or nieces and nephews) are always exceptions to the rule.  Her guest list is none of your business.  In fact, nothing other than the dress is really any of your business.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:c87b6094-3334-45dc-a39d-24606a4db6df">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]No. But she needs to be fair. She can't invite her newphew- a child, and not invite other kids.
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    <div>She most certainly can and should if that is what they decide.  I'm sorry if you are on of those mom's who feels their kids must be invited to everything, but you are wrong.  Kids are NO different than any other class of guest be it neighbors, coworkers, or church family.  You don't have to invite all of them, and you don't have to invite all children.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Does anyone else see the undertones here of the posts from the bride who had the crazy MOH and the MOH who thought she had a clueless bride and had to stalk her and plan everything?</div>
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:d178009e-3f51-4230-a202-12e8830946a6">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>She seriously is clueless though.</strong>She's always saying that "the guest lsit is final" and good for her, it's a great start- but she won't even let my kids come to it. Her nephew can be there but I can't bring my kids?!
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    Hello Pot.  Meet Kettle.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:cf658991-e75f-4103-9c94-a02fc48938b0">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!! : She most certainly can and should if that is what they decide.  I'm sorry if you are on of those mom's who feels their kids must be invited to everything, but you are wrong.  Kids are NO different than any other class of guest be it neighbors, coworkers, or church family.  You don't have to invite all of them, and you don't have to invite all children.   Does anyone else see the undertones here of the posts from the bride who had the crazy MOH and the MOH who thought she had a clueless bride and had to stalk her and plan everything?
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    link?
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  • MandM2000MandM2000
    10 Comments
    My children are her goddaughters. I don't understand why she doesn't consider them part of her family. I can't step down or she won't have a nice wedding day. I think she uses The Knot still, would anyone be willing to tell her she is wrong?
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  • MrsKathyCMrsKathyC
    1000 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:464a35d2-0779-4c42-b1a4-c3ae44f34e2a">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My children are her goddaughters. I don't understand why she doesn't consider them part of her family.<strong> I can't step down or she won't have a nice wedding day.</strong> I think she uses The Knot still, would anyone be willing to tell her she is wrong?
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    Bet she would!
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    MUD?

    This poster seems to be touching on all the hot button issues.
                       
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:2e22fb02-42d1-4b5b-ae8f-be6a768d233f">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]MUD? This poster seems to be touching on all the hot button issues.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    i'm starting to agree.

    Either that or she's going to come back with "I'm really the bride and I have a whack-job BM who's done all of these things and thinks all of these things and I want to show her this thread to prove she's wrong."
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  • libby2483libby2483 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    This can't be real. I call MUD. No one is this clueless.
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  • MandM2000MandM2000
    10 Comments
    She absolutely can't have a nice wedding day without me. I'm her best friend.
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  • MandM2000MandM2000
    10 Comments
    What is MUD?
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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:464a35d2-0779-4c42-b1a4-c3ae44f34e2a">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My children are her goddaughters. I don't understand why she doesn't consider them part of her family. I can't step down or she won't have a nice wedding day. I think she uses The Knot still, <strong>would anyone be willing to tell her she is wrong?</strong>
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    She's not wrong, though.  She's making choices to plan her wedding and nothing she's done is remotely close to Bridezilla territory.  DH and I had a combined 18 nieces and nephews we invited to the wedding; just like we made decisions about which friends and other adults were invited and not, we made a decision not to invite any more children than that.  It doesn't mean that I don't like my cousins' children, it just meant that we made a decision that kept us in line with our venue capacity and reception budget.

    If you are uncomfortable with how is wedding is shaping up, you need to talk with the bride and let her know you will no longer be able to participate or attend. But the bride isn't wrong.
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  • pearlaquapearlaqua member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:464a35d2-0779-4c42-b1a4-c3ae44f34e2a">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>My children are her goddaughters. I don't understand why she doesn't consider them part of her family.</strong> I can't step down or she won't have a nice wedding day. I think she uses The Knot still, would anyone be willing to tell her she is wrong?
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    In some cultures/circles that is true. But it's still not a real blood tie.

    As to being treated like a child about the dress deadline, it sounds like she wanted to tell you information, not berate your abilities.
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  • rsannarsanna member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary

    GLB - Here is the original thread with the crazy MOH who though she had a clueless bride and bride with the crazy MOH.  I don't remember the other threads though. Link

    OP, if you are really are her best friend you should really evaluate the way you are acting and treating her.  She is a grown adult and absolutely does not need you to hold her had and tell her what to do. Stay out of her business and you will be much less stressed.

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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    MUD is where somebody, such as yourself, Makes Up Drama to post on the board.

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  • MandM2000MandM2000
    10 Comments
    Well I'm not making any of this up. My friend needs all the help she can get. I have to take care of her as well as my own kids.
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  • libby2483libby2483 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-needs-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:658da3d1-3f72-4cbd-94a3-6c7ba53b7606Post:640e7b28-7b78-4006-98f3-9325c8f8de51">Re: Bridesmaid needs HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well I'm not making any of this up. My friend needs all the help she can get. I have to take care of her as well as my own kids.
    Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

    <div>Why would you need to take care of her if she is an adult woman? </div>
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