Moms and Maids

Mom not there to help me get ready?

So my brother's high school just changed their graduation date as the same day as my wedding. The way it's looking, my family won't get to my wedding until 30 minutes to an hour before it starts. I orignially wanted a first look and an early evening ceremeony. My mom wanted me to change the wedding date (impossible, I've paid at least 7 vendors), then get rid of the first look and take wedding pictures after (my brothers are in the wedding party). While all of this upset me, the MOST upsetting is my mom not really caring if she's there while I get ready for my wedding. She keeps telling me that I am being "too emotional" and need to be rational, that getting ready for the wedding isn't the important part. This waaaay upset me. Am I totally overreacting?

Re: Mom not there to help me get ready?

  • djoann958djoann958 member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am a MOB and I can imagine how you feel. But, in your mom's defense, it is probably her worst nightmare. How does she choose between 2 such important events? I don't know why she would say such things when she knows how much it means to you to have her be there.

    Are you really set on a first look? Maybe you could change that and get dressed when yiour mom gets there. Or maybe you could get dressed and have your mom put your veil on when she gets there.
  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    When is your wedding? Could you move the time of your wedding ceremony and all back an hour or so? Or maybe even have a morning ceremony instead? That would give you more time to get ready/take pictures with your mom. I agree with PP. It sucks but remember this hard for your mom too. 

    Call up your vendors and explain what happened. If you are giving enough notice, which is why I ask when your wedding is, they may feel sympathetic to you and might be willing to work with you, especially if you just push back or change the time, not ask to change the date. It's worth a shot. 

    If you already ordered/sent STDs, just correct the time on the invites and maybe make some phone calls so everyone catches the update. 

    I understand you wanted an early evening ceremony and a first look, but what is more important, the time, the timing of the pictures, or having your mom there? You have to weigh your options. Good luck. 
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • edited December 2011
    I understand why you're upset your mom won't be there to help you get ready. But you have to understand that she is between a rock and a hard place. How can she possibly choose between two very important events for her children? I think the best she can do is make a compromise, which might mean missing a non-essential part of your wedding (it still sucks, but she is right in that getting ready is not more important than the wedding itself) in order to be at both events.

    The only option you have is to push your wedding back. What time is it currently at? By pushing it back by an hour, can you still do first look and photos before? How late would we be talking?


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
  • utegogglesutegoggles member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-not-there-ready?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:73584814-da9b-46d1-a6ff-c49f35159c17Post:8ceebde0-2e54-4c08-b376-fe86dce9db43">Re: Mom not there to help me get ready?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand why you're upset your mom won't be there to help you get ready. But you have to understand that s<strong>he is between a rock and a hard place. How can she possibly choose between two very important events for her children</strong>? I think the best she can do is make a compromise, which might mean missing a non-essential part of your wedding (it still sucks, but she is right in that getting ready is not more important than the wedding itself) in order to be at both events. The only option you have is to push your wedding back. What time is it currently at? By pushing it back by an hour, can you still do first look and photos before? How late would we be talking?
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>This. I can't imagine this decision.</div>
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry you're having this conflict. It seems that your mom and you are caught between a rock and a hard place. My husband and I have 3 adult children and those rare conflicts are just as hard on the parents as they are on the children. We don't want to miss one single important moment, but then something big like this happens.

    Your mom may be able to help you get ready if it weren't for the first look pictures that you want. So I think it's up to you, at this point, to choose which is more important to you. Your mom may be trying to minimize the getting ready part because she doesn't want you to give up the first look pictures.

    It wouldn't hurt to call your church and reception venue to ask if it's possible to move everything to one hour later. They might be very understanding if you explain the situation to them.

    Hope everything works out for you and your mom. Good luck.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for everyone's responses. My wedding is already scheduled for 7, the latest the church will allow it.
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Try to have some perspective. Your mother's situation is much worse than yours.

    Your mother is right, you aren't being rational. She has more than just one child and she isn't superwoman, she's supermom.

    Breathe, things could be so much worse. At least the graduation ceremony wasn't set at the same exact time. :)
    image
  • nlindsay17nlindsay17 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Could you ask the high school to call your brother for his diploma first? This may give your family a bit more time to get to your wedding.
  • edited December 2011
    I understand it's hard on you, but do you really think your mom should choose getting ready with you over your brother's graduation? I would choose your actual wedding over graduation, but this is just getting dressed. Couldn't you do manicures earlier in the day or something?

    Why can't you have a first look, then take a lot of pictures with your FI and then when the family shows up start taking bridal party shots. And if you need to, you can take maybe an extra few between the ceremony and reception.
  • edited December 2011
    That completely blows! But you still have time, if your wedding is in fact in June of 2012, Can you contact the vendors you chose to see what they still have available on a different weekend?

    I know it would be a pain, but may save you some further stress and aggravation in the bigger picture.


    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • blush64blush64 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Mom not there to help me get ready?:
    [QUOTE]I understand it's hard on you, but do you really think your mom should choose getting ready with you over your brother's graduation? I would choose your actual wedding over graduation, but this is just getting dressed. Couldn't you do manicures earlier in the day or something? Why can't you have a first look, then take a lot of pictures with your FI and then when the family shows up start taking bridal party shots. And if you need to, you can take maybe an extra few between the ceremony and reception.
    Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this.

    It's not missing the wedding, it's just the getting ready. And it wouldn't be fair to miss the graduation to be there to get ready.
  • utegogglesutegoggles member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    P.S. Honestly, I think your mom understands this and will try to leave the graduation as soon as she can. 
  • ashlidieashlidie member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    seriously, i wish my mom even wanted to be involved in my life.  be grateful she is doing the best she can for you.
    June 2013 - Shoe Inspiration
    imageimage
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards