Moms and Maids

Mom upset she is not MoH

Hi everyone
I am looking for a little advice. I just got engaged a week ago and we are planning on having a short engagement. This is my second engagement and I am so glad the last one did not end up happening because I have finally found the love of my life. Well, for my first engagement, I had asked my mother to be my MoH. We were always so close and like best friends. Things have changed within the last few years, and our relationship got a little strained. It is much better now. She called me, assuming that she would be MoH again this time, telling me that we needed to find her a dress and that it should be different from the other girls, and the she says- "Or are you making changes to the wedding party this time?" I told her that it was going to be different (some of my friends from last time are no longer in contact) and I told her that I just want her to enjoy being mother of the bride. I could tell that she was very upset by this. I have my best friend that I am planning on asking. Also, I have two friends that somewhat "assigned" themselves as bridesmaids seeing that they had something to do with my fiance and I meeting in the first place and they are super excited to be a part of it. I was planning on having my childhood friends of 27 years also be bridesmaids, they are twins so obviously I can't just have only one of them. My original plan for a bridal party was 3, including the MoH. I don't want a big wedding party. I am so torn right now, especially about the situation with my mother, she sounded really hurt. Any one ever been through a situation like this? This is a really happy time for me and I don't want drama to ruin things.

Re: Mom upset she is not MoH

  • Are there other things you can do to make your mom feel special?  Maybe have her walk you down the aisle (together with your dad if you were planning on having him do that), or ask her to do a reading at the ceremony.  The fact is, she's going to be hurt, and the only options you have are (1) stick to your guns and let her be hurt; or (2) cave and ask her to be MOH to save her feelings.  There's really no magical third option where she's both not your MOH and not hurt.  Sorry.
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  • Thanks for the reply. I was just actually thinking to have her walk me down the aisle along with my dad. I guess part of it is that she probably feels she will be left out as far as preparations of the wedding if she is not MoH. I did tell her that she is definitely going to be there to help me make decisions in the planning process. But you are right, I can try to think of things that she could do to make her feel special. Looks like drama will always come in one way or another when planning a wedding is concerned! LOL
    Thanks again
  • Congratulations on your engagement!

    Your mom probably feels that she has been demoted because you do not feel close to her anymore.Try to focus on the positive things in your relationship with your mom. IMO, it's quite an honor to be asked to escort the bride or groom down the aisle, so ask her already! My daughter invited me to shop for her wedding dress - I was very happy to have that special moment with her. Some couples, if they are having the unity candle ceremony, ask the moms to light the candle. Otherwise, just keep her in the loop, so she won't feel excluded.

    I'm not sure what you mean by the MOH being involved with the preparations, but if you hang around the message boards, particularly this one and the 'Wedding Party' board, you will see that often the bms and MOH or not very involved with the planning.

  • Thanks for your reply MairePoppy!
    I asked my mom to walk me down the aisle with my father and that made her very happy. I actually like that idea a lot. The unity candle is a great idea as well! I guess that she was afraid she would be left out of the planning. I also told her that I planned to share all my ideas for the wedding with her, which I was going to anyway, it wasn't my intention to make her feel left out, but that is exactly what she was thinking. She is much happier now LOL
    Thanks again!
  • That's great, jenna. Being the MOB is pretty nice, after all : )
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